inauguration - HecklerSpray

Jennifer Lopez Sings Duet With The Husband She’ll Dump Soon

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Yesterday was a beautiful, moving, historic day – Jennifer Lopez totally sang a duet with Marc Anthony! Squeee!

You know what that means? That Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony care about Barack Obama enough to perform in Washington on the night of his inauguration? No way! It means that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are deliberately showing the world a sincere display of their love for one another to fight claims that they’ll get divorced on Valentine’s day.

So, OK, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony won’t get divorced on Valentine’s day. May bank holiday it is, then. Set your watches, kids.

Eva Longoria Plants A Tree For Barack Obama, Or Something

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

For all the pomp and achievement around Barack Obama’s inauguration today, he’s bound to feel a little trepidation.

Obama is inheriting a country that’s in its worst state for decades, and the wave of expectation which took him to the White House is so perilously high that he’s bound to disappoint great swathes of those who voted him in. Before too long, Barack Obama is going to need a friend.

And a friend is what he’s got in Eva Longoria, who’s pledged to plant 500 trees on hs behalf. So that’ll be a great big bloody weight off his mind, then.

Beyonce To Wail The First Thing Obama Will Hear As President

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Tomorrow marks the first day of Barack Obama’s realisation that he can’t possibly live up to everyone’s expectations as president.

But who cares? More important is the song that will accompany President Obama’s very first dance on inauguration day. And, since you asked – it’s Beyonce singing At Last from her movie Cadillac Records.

It’s fortunate that Cadillac Records was Beyonce’s most recent movie – had Barack Obama’s inauguration happened three months later, Beyonce would have been forced to sing something from her upcoming Fatal Attraction rip-off movie, perhaps Stop Boning My Man or the whimsical I’ll Kill You, You Bitch (I’ll Kill You).

Them Jonas Brothers Sure Do Love Barack Obama

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Next week is undoubtedly going to be truly historic – The Jonas Brothers are playing a free concert! Squeeeeee!

We can’t breathe! Our favourite girl-haired, virgin popstars playing a concert? For free? This is totally like the best news ever! We should get there early – we want Kevin Jonas to look us right in the eye when we scream “ARRRGH! KEVINJONASILOVEYOU! ARRRGH!” at him during Lovebug!

Apparently The Jonas Brothers are playing their free concert to mark the inauguration of a man called Barack Obama, who’s like the new mayor or the world or something. But mainly – THE JONAS BROTHERS! OMG!!!