Here at hecklerspray we’d never dream of gossiping or making crude or childish remarks about celebrities or their sexual preferences. The depraved acts we’ve considered in the bedsit alone (and not counting the ones we’ve scheduled for the Christmas party) are enough to make any sane person question their sexuality, so we’d never judge anyone.
But then again, we are also enormous liars who will make fun of anyone silly enough to be famous for a living.
WE HEARD THAT WOLVERINE LIKES THE WARM TOUCH OF SOMEONE EQUALLY HAIRY AND MALE!!
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It must be rotten being Hugh Jackman. Everyone thinks you’ve got metal claws coming out of your knuckles and you have a face like a leper’s sandal. Still, at least he’s obscenely wealthy eh? What could possibly worry him?
Well, for your information, Hugh is very worried, actually.
By what you don’t ask? We’ll tell you anyway. He’s frightened of online imposters. Not sharks. Not being stabbed through the rib cage with a pitchfork. He’s frightened of people playing make believe.
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It’s been a long couple of weeks for Angelina Jolie. Not only has she given birth to twins (one of them with the spine on the outside), but she’s also uncovered a previously unknown breed of dinosaur in her new French backyard, and her food cravings just before birth caused her to break through a bakery’s glass window pane and eat the little man she found in there frosting cakes.
Except for the man she ate none of that’s true, of course, but it really doesn’t matter. If Angelina’s assistant has free reign to invent stories for the press then so do we. Or should we say her fake assistant.
Yes, Jolie’s got some woman posing as her assistant going about issuing press statements construed primarily of falsehoods and deceit – that’s where the recent untrue news Jolie gave birth in France came from.
Such horrific lies! Now that’s our kind of woman.
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Heard of Doug Ellin?
Don’t worry, it’s okay to admit that you haven’t. We won’t laugh at you or anything. Well, we won’t laugh at you more than we usually do.
Oh, we’re just joshing – Ellin isn’t exactly a household name. Chances are you’ll have seen the show he created, though – HBO’s quite wonderful Entourage, officially the best thing on ITV2 (which isn’t really much of an achievement, to be honest). The hit show follows a famous Hollywood actor and his hanger-on buddies, and is apparently so goshdarn inspiring that a mystery imposter is doing the rounds pretending to be Ellin himself.
Apart from doing the obvious – like, er, walking up to people, saying ‘I created Entourage’ and then looking at their slightly impressed faces – the hoaxer is now using his false identity to contact aspiring actresses and invite them to fake auditions in the hope of seducing them. Presumably by saying to them ‘hey baby, I created Entourage’ and then looking at their slightly impressed faces.
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Heard of Doug Ellin?
Don't worry, it's okay to admit that you haven't. We won't laugh at you or anything. Well, we won't laugh at you more than we usually do.
Oh, we're just joshing - Ellin isn't exactly a household name. Chances are you'll have seen the show he created, though - HBO's quite wonderful Entourage, officially the best thing on ITV2 (which isn't really much of an achievement, to be honest). The hit show follows a famous Hollywood actor and his hanger-on buddies, and is apparently so goshdarn inspiring that a mystery imposter is doing the rounds pretending to be Ellin himself.
Apart from doing the obvious - like, er, walking up to people, saying 'I created Entourage' and then looking at their slightly impressed faces - the hoaxer is now using his false identity to contact aspiring actresses and invite them to fake auditions in the hope of seducing them. Presumably by saying to them 'hey baby, I created Entourage' and then looking at their slightly impressed faces.
