Ali Lohan’s Breasts Subject of Unsettling Media Attention, Lindsay Not Impressed Another day, another pile of near-paedophillic crap comes spewing our way - it's Ali Lohan's turn again today. There seems to be an endless stream of reports flowing out in recent months, all concerning subjects that are - not that we place ourselves as moral crusaders, but - inappropriate for the young girls they are talking about. We've had the three thousand stories about 15-year-old Miley Cyrus and her penchant for getting nude and making everyone feel a bit ill, and now it's time for Lindsay Lohan's sister, Ali, to take the brunt of the press' speculation about whether or not she's had surgical enhancements. Oh, did we mention she's a 14-year-old girl who is barely in the public eye? The same 14-year-old girl who caused a frenzy by auditioning for [a man who used to direct] porn, in a film that was [not] porn? Yes, she's that one.

Calling All Perverts! Buy Jordan’s Tits

Sometimes the easiest way to get near your idol is to follow them everywhere they go and tell them how much you love them. Unfortunately, this has been called “stalking” by the police and it means that our attempt to make Avril Lavigne more then just our MySpace friend won’t come true for a while yet.

Whilst transatlantic relationships are clearly not the way forward, it may be better to turn towards our own glorious nation to find the thing known as a 'woman'. In the nineties, blokes across the land couldn’t leaf through a magazine without seeing melon-bosomed Jordan parading across the cover. Her boobs showed no sign of stopping until the day she realised she looked a bit like a monster from Gremlins.

And, after having surgery to reduce them, you can now own the implants!