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Sarah Harding Leaves Rehab After Recovering From Irrational Hatred of Daniel O’Donnell

by Michael Park

Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that? No, neither did we. Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel [...]

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Marc Jacobs Perfume Advert Might Have Made A Child Look Sexier Than It Should Have

by Matthew Laidlow

Fashion designers are a funny breed aren’t they? No other profession is full of characters that are religiously followed and praised for their movements. Do you monitor the work your local builder does? Course you don’t you arrogant tool. Do you keep up to date with what a professional footbal- oh. All you have to [...]

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Tom Cruise Is Scared Of Singing But Not Of 10,000ft Killer Robots Or Whatever They Have In The New Mission: Impossible

by Michael Park

Professional headcase Tom Cruise has admitted to being terrified of the melodic word with his fear coming to a very public fore while filming his new waste of time “Rock Of Ages”. Tom Cruise is well renowned throughout the world, both as an actor, a producer and as someone who doesn’t know when a franchise [...]

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Westlife Say They’ll Never Get Back Together While We Preemptively Call Them Hypocrites

by Michael Park

Hello. Are you a Westlife fan, troubled by the news that your Princes are going away to enjoy their moneyed-lives with their families and friends? Are you worried that there will suddenly be a void of mawkish, soaring ballads to sooth you while you self-harm in a bath of ice? It’s bad news we’re afraid. [...]

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WEBTHUMP! The Return Of The Thump!

by Michael Park

10. Not content with being a famous actor/musician/turkey-peddler Martin Kemp has taken to inventing emoticons. Is there no end to this man’s talents?! 9. Hallowe’en’s coming so here’s a gentleman teaching you how to TEAR YOUR GOD DAMNED EYE OUT!! Or at least make it look like you did. 8. No internet round up would [...]

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Jessie J Wins Loads Of Rubbish MoBO Awards

by Michael Park

Jessie J was one of the big winners at the MoBO Awards in Glasgow, winning in four of the five categories she was nominated in and leaving music industry insiders asking “Who will win next year when everyone’s forgotten about Jessie J?” Of course, hecklerspray would have brought you a nice report of the whole [...]

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HecklerPlay: Listen To Zola Jesus’ New Album & Read These Words

by Matthew Laidlow

If you’re a football fan, please don’t worry. This isn’t a similar situation that England fans found themselves in when they discovered John Barnes was performing a rap with defunct band New Order. Chelsea fans might have sensed an awkward situation with their former Italian striker Gianfranco shunning sport completely and getting creative in the [...]

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TOWIE’s Jess Wright Is Going To Get All Sexy While You Shudder To Your Very Core

by Michael Park

Apparently, ITV’s surprise smash hit The Only Way is Essex is coming back for a third series on Monday and, in a desperate attempt to remind us why we gave a crap in the first place, they’ve been carting the stars out in front of the press. The excitement is almost too much for us to [...]

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Readers’ Letters: In Which You All Dribble Over Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts [Video]

by Michael Park

Every week, we have the unfortunate task of picking our way through your crusted correspondence to find the most depraved, hideous scrawlings to put on the site for everyone to laugh at. This week, it was a little bit easier as our drooling mass of a readership left a slug trail right to some of [...]

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Creased Or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You The Way It Is

by Michael Park

Expand or Contract? Folded McFly Air Mags – No, not the rubbish popstrels. Marty McFly’s trainers from Back To The Future II EXIST. Fictional Products – In response to Marty’s Air Mags, Editor Mof has laid down the gauntlet to our readers, asking you what you’d like to see made reality. DeVitomon! – Ever wondered [...]

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