Articles tagged with: I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Final!
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
Heidi Montag Threatens World With Nudey Playboy Shoot
Want to become famous? OK, here's how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit. Honestly, it works. Thanks to her being awful on The Hills and then vomiting a bit on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Heidi Montag has never been so famous. And now she's finally achieved fame, it's time for her to use that fame for something important and philanthropic and world-changing. Heidi Montag is going to pose naked for Playboy. What? It could be worse. She could be doing something that involves her voice.
Want to become famous? OK, here's how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit. Honestly, it works. Thanks to her being awful on The Hills and then vomiting a bit on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Heidi Montag has never been so famous. And now she's finally achieved fame, it's time for her to use that fame for something important and philanthropic and world-changing. Heidi Montag is going to pose naked for Playboy. What? It could be worse. She could be doing something that involves her voice.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Myleene Klass Gets Sticky In Bed
Having already changed rooms because of an insect infestation, Myleene has accidentally glued herself to her bed. If anyone starts connecting the dots between 'insects', 'grasshoppers' and 'sticky hotel room messes', they will be asked to leave. Myleene Klass, barely-sentient host of the celebrity torturefest: we knew she wasn't the greenest leaf on the tree, but she's now operating at levels of idiocy which have almost become genius. Hotel staff found her, in her room, with one hand stuck to the bed by a mysterious substance. We're just waiting for a Thai newspaper to publish photos of the incident.
Having already changed rooms because of an insect infestation, Myleene has accidentally glued herself to her bed. If anyone starts connecting the dots between 'insects', 'grasshoppers' and 'sticky hotel room messes', they will be asked to leave. Myleene Klass, barely-sentient host of the celebrity torturefest: we knew she wasn't the greenest leaf on the tree, but she's now operating at levels of idiocy which have almost become genius. Hotel staff found her, in her room, with one hand stuck to the bed by a mysterious substance. We're just waiting for a Thai newspaper to publish photos of the incident.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Week Two Begins
Yes, we had to check that, too. But it's true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. The big story during the past week has been Speidi's will-they/won't-they shenanigans. Sadly, the issue in question is not "Will they or won't they go crazy and kill each other using a machete, a coconut and a pint of the world's most painfully toxic snake venom?", but the rather more mundane "Will they be allowed to re-enter the camp and inflict their self-love on us for the rest of the show, or will they be sent back to Beverley Hills with their suitcases, label-free shampoos and a terrible case of the world's most painfully toxic jungle fever?". Shame.
Yes, we had to check that, too. But it's true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. The big story during the past week has been Speidi's will-they/won't-they shenanigans. Sadly, the issue in question is not "Will they or won't they go crazy and kill each other using a machete, a coconut and a pint of the world's most painfully toxic snake venom?", but the rather more mundane "Will they be allowed to re-enter the camp and inflict their self-love on us for the rest of the show, or will they be sent back to Beverley Hills with their suitcases, label-free shampoos and a terrible case of the world's most painfully toxic jungle fever?". Shame.
Heidi Montag Hospitalised, Spencer Pratt’s Grotty Beard A Suspect
Heidi Montag is as hard as nails. She is. True, she might look like a scrawny, pointless waste of skin, but she's hard. How hard is Heidi Montag? Hard enough to appear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Hard enough to leave after a few days because it was too difficult. Hard enough to return again almost immediately because she couldn't stand being out of the limelight for even a millisecond. Hard enough to wind up going to hospital because she didn't like being made to only eating beans for a day. Again, Heidi Montag is hardore.
Heidi Montag is as hard as nails. She is. True, she might look like a scrawny, pointless waste of skin, but she's hard. How hard is Heidi Montag? Hard enough to appear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Hard enough to leave after a few days because it was too difficult. Hard enough to return again almost immediately because she couldn't stand being out of the limelight for even a millisecond. Hard enough to wind up going to hospital because she didn't like being made to only eating beans for a day. Again, Heidi Montag is hardore.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Girls
Day Two of the Costa Rican shenanigans, and we present to you the lady contestants. Oh, and Janice Dickinson, who has been flung into this group in the absence of a 'Leather Handbag' team. Second day, and already two people have left the show. Unsurprisingly, and happily, it was the two most irritating and juvenile little twatcans ever to darken the jungle's doorstep. Do jungles have doorsteps? The answer, and more, after the jump.
Day Two of the Costa Rican shenanigans, and we present to you the lady contestants. Oh, and Janice Dickinson, who has been flung into this group in the absence of a 'Leather Handbag' team. Second day, and already two people have left the show. Unsurprisingly, and happily, it was the two most irritating and juvenile little twatcans ever to darken the jungle's doorstep. Do jungles have doorsteps? The answer, and more, after the jump.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Boys
The Americans, having nicked IASGMOOH from us, have failed to understand what makes the thing watchable: instead of cheeky Ant and Dec, they’ve got Myleene Klass hosting. A woman who donates sap, rather than blood.
Desperate as we are to witness talentless unknowns humiliate themselves on the telly, we genuinely can’t wait for the news season of America’s Got Talent. That doesn’t start until June 23rd, but NBC love us so much they’ve provided a little bit of televisual methadone, pending the arrival of the heroin shipment.
After the jump, we introduce you to one half of the stale celebrity idiots. Today: the boys.
Myleene Klass Is A Cannibal. What’s For Dinner?
Dear Myleene, You'd make an excellent cannibal. In fact, we can't imagine anyone else consuming human flesh in a bikini. As you gorge on bloody chunks to the sound of Liberty X, take a break and sing us the Toccata, maybe recommend your favourite composers. Anything is Possible after being in Hear'Say, and speaking of which, we know why the band broke up - because you ate them.
Dear Myleene, You'd make an excellent cannibal. In fact, we can't imagine anyone else consuming human flesh in a bikini. As you gorge on bloody chunks to the sound of Liberty X, take a break and sing us the Toccata, maybe recommend your favourite composers. Anything is Possible after being in Hear'Say, and speaking of which, we know why the band broke up - because you ate them.
