Jack Jordan, you’ve let us down. All that time you were stalking Uma Thurman in a number of imaginatively creepy ways, we thought you were being illegal.

And now your lawyer is saying that you weren’t being illegal in an effort to keep you out of jail? That is very disappointing, Jack Jordan. Very disappointing indeed.

But on the plus side, if Jack Jordan is acquitted of his Uma Thurman stalking charges, it basically means that we’re all legally free to send the object of our obsession terrifying hand-drawn pictures of ourselves walking along a razorblade while they eeirly dig our graves. Good lord, Martine McCutcheon had better hope that Jack Jordan is found guilty.

To be an effective stalker, you need to have an angle. Without a USP (unique stalking point), you’ll blend into the crowd and never be heard of again, but with a little effort you’ll be the toast of the annual Creepy Stalker Convention.

Now, joining the likes of Emily Leatherman, the woman who throws bags of screwdrivers into John Cusack’s garden; Dessarae Bradford, the woman who writes books about the people she stalks and Unidentified Dildo Fanatic Number One, who’s been pestering Britney Spears lately, comes Uma Thurman’s alleged stalker Jack Jordan.

Jack Jordan has a complex USP. On the surface, it looks as if all he does is send creepy pictures and threats of suicide to Uma Thurman and occasionally sleeps in a car outside her house – your typical stalker fare – but the genius part is that, once he was arrested for stalking Uma Thurman, he claimed that he wasn’t guilty even though he sort of admits to doing all the stuff he’s been accused of.

And that’s why, in court yesterday, Jack Jordan’s lawyer admitted that – while Jordan might be incredibly creepy – he’s not actually doing anything illegal. BBC News reports:

A man accused of stalking Kill Bill actress Uma Thurman thought he was being romantic, his lawyer has claimed. “Creepy? Yes. Obsessed? Yes. Criminal? No,” George Vomvolakis said at the start of Jack Jordan’s New York trial. In his opening statement, Mr Vomvolakis said his client “does not think the way you and I think. He doesn’t know the boundaries you and I know,” he told the jury.

You have to admit it’s a genius gambit, and if George Vomvolakis manages to get Jack Jordan off the hook then he’s set himself up with a lifetime of guaranteed work, knowing that his next client will always be just on the other side of his bedroom window trying to listen to him sleep at night.

It’s a long shot – and really, we don’t know why Vomvolakis didn’t just go with the old ‘nobody likes Uma Thurman that much, not even creepy psychiatric patients’ approach – but if he wins the case then we’re sure Jack Jordan will be grateful. Really grateful. Maybe even ‘invite yourself around for dinner at 3am’. Maybe even ‘sending razorblade-walking pictures’ grateful. Maybe.

Read more:

Uma Stalker ‘Creepy Not Criminal’ – BBC

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie love and trust each other so much that they have decided to sign a legally binding contract making it a huge financial risk for either of them to sleep with anyone else.

According to Star Magazine website, the world's most famous couple made their love official (any love outside of marriage is unofficial – fact) in New Orleans on Saturday.

What a scoop for Star Magazine! But not so according to people.com, who claim it’s all a big bag of overflowing poppycock.

They claim a source close to the couple has said that the wedding just hasn’t happened, and that Brad Pitt was on set in Texas instead.

The couple have previously stated that they would not get married until it became legal for homosexuals to marry too, and that is still frowned upon by a hefty portion of America.

So who are we to believe? Is it Angelina Pitt now, or is she stretching out her concubine status for a little while longer?

Speculate away dear gossip-mongerers.

Read more – Star Exclusive: They Did It! Brad & Angelina Tie The Knot! – Star Magazine

Read more – Source: There Was 'No Wedding' For Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – People