You’ll all be pleased to know that singer George Michael is making good progress as he recovers from a recent bout of pneumonia in Vienna. That’s good isn’t it? He’ll be cocking around the Christmas Tree in his giant house just in time to watch the Queen’s speech, before driving off somewhere, full of festive pot and making us all throw our paper hats into the fire in disgust.
The 48 year old singer fell ill in Austria last month and breathing difficulties meant he was stuck in intensive care, while you lot ate your selection boxes early and speculated about stuff that was none of your business.
Earlier in the week boyfriend Fadi Fawaz claimed the singer would be out of hospital by December 25th and suggested there was nothing to worry about. So that’s settled then isn’t it?
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George Michael must’ve been running around the heath without his vest on because he’s gone and got himself a nice dose of pneumonia, which means that Hev from Eastenders won’t be able to go to his gigs because he went and cancelled them.
Y’know, because of the pneumonia?
George was hospitalised on Monday in Austria, so this must be a pretty bad cold he’s got. We need to know exactly how bad it is though, for a myriad of reasons. We basically need to be told whether he’s about to die or not.
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DON’T PANIC EVERYONE! Frankie from The Saturdays has been found alive and well! Go back about your business.
The World was left in a state of shock when The Saturdays pitched up on London’s Oxford Street to turn on the Christmas lights, only to find that Frankie (the one people know the name of) wasn’t there.
It turns out that the former S Club Juniors singer was just feeling a bit poorly, so wasn’t able to join her band mates when they officially started Christmas on Tuesday evening.
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Poor old Zsa Zsa Gabor. She’s really not very well at all. She’s had one of her legs cut off and now, after a string of health problems, she’s back in hospital again with severe pneumonia symptoms, leaving her with water on her lungs.
We’d suggest that her family are distraught, but alas, her ninth husband – Prince Frederic von Anhalt – seems to be rather enjoying the attention.
Of course, he can be seen with his little eyes welling up during his many hospital visits, but that’s not stopped him from winking at Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife and noticing what a fine, working womb she has. Seriously.
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Bryan Ferry made some fine, fine records with Roxy Music didn’t he? If you leave it at that, he’s a good bloke. Look at some of his personal views and all that goodwill ebbs away into the ether while your knuckles whiten with rage.
Nothing is worse than his cover version of ‘Jealous Guy’ though. Well, maybe his fox-hunting, throwing stuff around parliament son, is.
Whatever. Fact is, because we really like Roxy Music, we’re going to cut him some slack and cooh and him being admitted to hospital last night with reports saying that the singer is “seriously ill”.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor (that should read ‘Zsa Gabor’ after she had her leg amputated) has been rushed to hospital after she decided to go hysterical over the news of Elizabeth Taylor’s death. That’s because she’s convinced herself that she is going to be the next to die.
According to her husband – Frederic von Anhalt – Gabor “went hysterical” when she heard about her old chum passing away via the use of a hearing trumpet.
With celebrities always dying in threes, she became concerned after Taylor died shortly after fellow actress Jane Russell joined the choir invisible.
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If you got every single Christmas that ever happened, it wouldn’t even be in the same universe as Zsa Zsa Gabor’s campness. She’s an astonishing woman who, simply by being herself, can make entire towns fall down laughing and cooing ‘AWW!’
However, sad news reaches the ‘spray bedsit as Zsa Zsa has had her leg amputated and, to be quite honest with you, we’re biting our collective knuckles in an attempt to not crack jokes about it.
You see, when hecklerspray is faced with sadness, we pull out the funnies because the alternative is to sit around crying for an entire year.
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Okay. We rip lumps from everyone on hecklerspray, but sometimes we like to be pleased for people because they’re just great. And one such person is Aretha Franklin, who owns one of America’s finest voices.
Aretha hasn’t been very well recently and she was rushed into hospital, prompting everyone to start worrying about her shuffling off her mortal coil and going to meet her maker.
However, this week, Aretha called into The Wendy Williams Show to assure fans she is not horribly ill, but rather, insisting that her health is “superb”.
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