Articles tagged with: Ill
There's no end to Michael Jackson's talents - he can sing, dance, act and transform into a giant plasticine rabbit to elude his fans. But there's one thing that Michael Jackson can't do particularly well at the moment, and that's breathe. According to one of his biographers, Michael Jackson suffers from a potentially fatal lung disorder that requires an emergency transplant before it kills or blinds him. Hopefully that's not true because, if he has his lungs replaced, the only parts of Michael Jackson to actually belong to Michael Jackson will be three strands of armpit hair and a fragment of toenail.
Now that she's pushing 40, Winona Ryder can't really pull off that pixie waif look any more, so it's time for a change. And, as such, Winona Ryder has decided to try out a brave new look for visit to London this week. It's a look that fashion insiders have already dubbed 'worryingly ill on an aeroplane chic'. And Winona Ryder pulls it off with aplomb, or at least she did yesterday when she got ill on an aeroplane to London and had to be rushed to hospital upon landing. But don't worry, solitary remaining Winona Ryder fan - despite rumours of an overdose, your skinny hero was quickly discharged from hospital. And for an extra dollop of good news, Winona Ryder left the airport by ambulance, so she didn't even set off the metal detectors with all the cutlery she'd been compulsively stashing down her trousers for the duration of the flight (please don't sue us for making that last bit up).
If there's one thing more annoying than going to a Janet Jackson concert, it's going to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada. And if there's one thing worse than going to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada, it's getting ready to go to a Janet Jackson concert in Canada and then finding out you can't because Janet Jackson's gone and been struck by some sort of super mystery illness. Which is what happened last night, as it happened. Five minutes before the opening act of Janet Jackson's concert in Montreal was set to take the stage, Janet 'suddenly fell ill' and had to go to hospital. Nobody would say what illness Janet Jackson had, although it's thought to be the rare Nogoodalbumsfortwodecades Syndrome. Or it might be something serious, in which case - whoops.
There was a golden age in the movies when actors acted, when movies were interesting and when men were MEN. It was an age of moralising without snobbery, with heroes you wanted to be and leading men you wished you could just hug and say 'thank you' to. Paul Newman is a man from that age, and to this day he carries on being a shining example to the world of Hollywood as to what makes a man.
Minor illnesses are being massively under-represented at the moment, so let's all thank Jesus right now that Janet Jackson is doing something about it.
You see, Janet Jackson was supposed to be performing on Saturday Night Live this week but she's dropped out because she's got the sniffles. Or, as she likes to call it, 'the flu'.
A fairly serious bout of flu nonetheless, because Janet Jackson wound up in hospital because of it, but on the bright side at least by pulling out of SNL Janet Jackson has stopped an audience of millions from catching whatever degenerative brain disease you get when you're forced to watch a fortysomething woman repeatedly try to convince you of how sexy she is to a backing of tinpot R&B fluff.
It's been a long time since we heard from Eminem, but in the meantime it looks like he's been keeping busy by eating cake and walking around in wet clothes.
It's been reported, you see, that Eminem went to hospital over the Christmas period because of a serious heart condition and complications from pneumonia, with sources adding that he's increased in weight to over 200 lb. Of course, this illness and massive weight-gain means that Eminem can't be called Slim Shady any more, and so he's thought to be deciding on a new name, with either Fatt Poorly or Pensioner'z Illnezz being current front-runners.
It’s simply amazing the lengths celebrities are going to for this whole writer’s strike thing.
You know, like how Ellen DeGeneres cancelled taping her show in NYC, Julia Louis-Dreyfus picketed arm in arm with Wanda Sykes, Garth Brooks cancelled his TV appearances, and so on.
But all of these people are total poseurs because if you really want to support a cause, you develop a life-threatening chronic illness that causes you to cancel shows for months on end disappointing lonely middle-aged women everywhere like Wayne Newton has done. Wayne Newton and his virus-ridden heart are the only celebrity making any real sacrifices here.
The rest of you people just make us sick.
