Chav icon and astonishing dimwit Kerry Katona, has been bothering the police after receiving phone calls from a suspected stalker who has obviously reached a low point in their life, given that they could have shown interest in ANYONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET!
It seems an American woman, believed to be called Stella, has been ringing Katona ‘non-stop for weeks’ and recently contacted the reality star’s manager Max Clifford, claiming to have watched her getting changed at her Surrey mansion.
Yes. Really.
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Iceland isn’t exactly the greatest country in the world. It has no money whatsoever, has a volcano with an unpronounceable name that brought most of Europe to a standstill and is home to Bjork, that weird faced thing what tortures cats and pretends its music.
As far as countries go, Iceland’s a right bastard. Even the sun completely buggers off for a couple of months, leaving locals in the dark to contemplate how bleak their existence on that tiny, freezing cold, island are.
But there is something worse than Iceland the country. Iceland the chain of cut priced supermarkets. Iceland has always been one or two steps below Lidl and Aldi, thanks to its disturbingly coloured prawn rings and their bafflingly stubborn attempts to keep human car crash Kerry Katona’s career alive.
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You hear that? In the distance? It sounds a bit like camp irony and a lot like objectively dreadful Europop.
This means that the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest is less than a month away! No wonder there’s such a flurry of excitement everywhere. For instance, it’s just been announced that all the Eurovision entries are available to download from the official Eurovision website for 99 cents each. Obviously you could put your money to better use and buy some poison, but who are we to judge?
Here’s the Eurovision 2009 rundowns for Zoli Ádok from Hungary and Yohanna from Iceland…
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Big questions have been asked by us humans – over thousands of years, we’ve all wondered “where do we come from?†“what is the meaning of life?†and “where is the bloody remote control?â€
Another mind bending puzzle is the one set by Iceland – not the country, but the supermarket. They ask us “why do mums go to Iceland?†Let us tell you now Mr Iceland: it’s not to see your bloody spokesperson Kerry Katona.
Famous for winning a show made up of people who aren’t that famous, Kerry has clung on to that little bit of former glory and pumped out every bit of success juice. From said supermarket deals to shambolic TV shows, she’s still snapping at the heels of publicity.
Always known for bad news and never anything positive, she’s back again to inform us that she has crashed and burned. Kerry has no money left to spend on curries, drugs or prawn rings after being declared bankrupt.
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Eurovision betting odds time again. Smile!
We’re pushing onto the halfway point of these Eurovision betting odds, and you’re probably starting to get an idea about the songs you like and the songs you don’t like. But what id every song you hear from this year’s Eurovision Song Contest enrages you because it’s not as good as last year? Well then, you need the official 2007 Eurovision Song Contest album. All the hits are there – Vampires Are Alive by DJ Bobo, Push The Button by Teapacks, Liubi, Liubi, I Love You by Todomondo. It’s the perfect soundtrack to the slow realisation that your life hasn’t moved on one jot in an entire year!
Here are the Eurovision betting odds for Iceland, with help from Paddy Power…
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If Kerry Katona came up to you in the street and tried to sell you a box of prawns, chances are you'd run away just to escape the smell of stale nicotine and slightly off-kilter look in her eyes.
But despite this, freezer-heavy supermarket chain Iceland hasn't quite worked out that keeping troubled Kerry Katona on as the star of its TV ads is roughly the same as paying biblical priests to stand at the entrance of each of its stores screaming the word 'unclean' day and night.
Yesterday it was reported that Iceland had dropped Kerry Katona in light of her recently reported screwball behaviour. Turns out that was a lie.
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