HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Rihanna To Star In Remake Of The Bodyguard? Universe Weeps In Preparation

February 25th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember the first time you watched The Bodyguard? It felt like it was 37 hours long didn’t it? Still, nowhere near as long as the hideous ‘I Will Always Love YooooooOOOoOoOOOUuu’ haunted our pop charts.

As an aside, have you ever noticed that Whitney Houston looks like she’s having an alfresco dump as the key-change kicks in on the promo video for the song?

Anyway, Warner Bros are looking to remake the film about Whitney Houston being stalked by someone and then, ultimately, falling in love with one of the most boring faced humans on Earth, Kevin Costner. And sadly, it appears that they’re lining up Rihanna for the role.

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A Taiwanese Susan Boyle? No, That Doesn’t Sound Awful At All

April 9th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

To be an internet sensation these days, you need one thing – a monobrow that looks like an upturned bikini wax strip.

It worked for Susan Boyle. All she had was a monobrow, a haircut that looked like it was made out of animal pubes and a voice that was relatively pleasant compared to the ghastly atrocity that was her face. That is why people like her, isn’t it? Because they can’t get over the fact that funny-looking people can sing almost as well as normal-looking people? Right?

But get ready to pretend that you’re much deeper than you actually are again, Susan Boyle fans, because there’s a new kid in town. It’s Lin Yu-chun from Taiwan, and he can sing I Will Always Love You almost as well as Whitney Houston. Plus he’s also got a terrible haircut and a lousy dress sense, so you can patronise the crap out of him too! Hooray!

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