Eurovision is bad enough at the worst of times, right? There's nothing worse than watching some shambling lunatic in ill-fitting clothes saunter around a stage and display their complete lack of professionalism to the world. And that's just Terry Wogan. Eh? Eh? Do you see? Eh?

Anyway. There's actually one surefire way to make Eurovision that little bit more unsettling – and we don't mean watching it on 30g of magic mushrooms with your eyelids taped open like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. We mean by choosing an entry that has somewhat, ahem, suspicious lyrics.