Scarlett Johansson is so hot that her hotness isn’t just felt by men any more – even women want to kiss her. OK, one woman. One very slightly mannish-looking woman. Alright, Katy Perry wants to kiss Scarlett Johansson. Happy now?

In fact, Katy Perry wants to kiss Scarlett Johansson so much that she apparently wrote her solitary hit I Kissed A Girl about the time that she didn’t kiss – or meet – Scarlett Johansson. When informed of this recently, Scarlett Johansson responded with muted gratitude – which is considerably more enthusiastic than her reaction to the song we wrote about her, entitled I’m Standing Over You In Your Sleep Holding A Knife And Masturbating (And Crying).

What we like best about Katy Perry is her irreverent disregard for social taboos – as demonstrated by her songs about kissing girls and love of being photographed with a knife three years ago.

And it’s not just transparently deliberate controversy-mongering, either – Katy Perry means it, which is why her next album will go one step further and contain songs like I Shat In Your Food And I Liked It, I Literally Raped A Child And I Liked It and I Basically Did The Plot Of The Movie Saw 3 On Your Mum And I Liked It.

But that’s something to look forward to. For now, people are still talking about Katy Perry’s song I Kissed A Girl three long months after it was released.

For instance, did you know that Katy Perry wrote I Kissed A Girl about an imagined encounter with actress Scarlett Johansson? It’s true. Katy Perry didn’t just make that up because she’s scared that she’s essentially become a one-hit wonder and wants to eek out every last of molecule of controversy from the song before it inevitably falls out of fashion – she really did write it about Scarlett Johansson. Honest.

However, Scarlett Johansson wasn’t aware of this until recently, when a reporter from Allure magazine decided to mention it in an interview with her. And how did Scarlett Johansson react? Why, with the professional-seeming nervy brush-off of a woman who probably has to turn down countless hamfisted sexual come-ons every single day, of course. People reports:

When told that her lips inspired Katy Perry to pen her hit “I Kissed A Girl,” Johansson, who recently married Ryan Reynolds, tells December’s Allure, “That’s flattering, but my lips are kind of taken.” In fact, until Perry’s melody was pointed out to her, “I had no idea [about the song],” says Johansson, 24. “I should get a cut!”

Sorry Katy Perry, it looks like Scarlett Johansson isn’t interested in kissing you at all. In fact we’ll go one step further – Scarlett Johansson won’t kiss any woman at all, unless it’s in a movie scene with Penelope Cruz that’s been cynically designed to make the film it’s in seem marginally less boring. But that’s it.

Still, we can sense a trend here. Scarlett Johansson inspired I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry, Pink wrote So What about her divorce and we’re pretty sure that Womanizer by Britney Spears and Keeps Gettin’ Better by Christina Aguilera are also about people we’ve heard of. Perhaps we should gather all of these songs up onto an album. We could call it Now That’s What I Call Songs About Famous People That Have Made Listening To The Radio Far Less Enjoyable For Us This Year.

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