One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.

While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.

So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.

The baddie in the piece is called Loki and he’s all cocking his head with an evil eyebrow nonsense while Rob Downey Jr is, well, playing himself.

Elsewhere, Captain America’s shield will get nerds wet, while everyone else with be getting aroused over Scarlett Johansson in a catsuit.

Oh, and there’s aliens and laser beams and all that good stuff.

One thing that people may raise a vague titter at is the exchange between Loki and Iron Man. ”I have an army,” says Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. “We have a Hulk!” Stark replies.

Those superheroes and villains! Do they rehearse this stuff?

Yes they do. Now watch the trailer.

Ever wanted to smell like one of Marvel’s finest? Of course you have. If you said you’d be a stinking liar. See what we did there? Stinking. It’s a joke! A funny joke! Oh, shut up a second and we’ll tell you how you can.

We’ve always longed for our lady friends to smell like Black Widow, and for our friends to smell like rejection, fear and Michael Fassbender: just like the X-Men.

The good people at Jads International, which sounds a lot like one of the stripping troupes that frequently visit the HS bedsit (Nads International) are bringing you a range of aftershaves that are themed around the main characters from the upcoming, and not at all Marvel’s last chance-saloon, The Avengers.

Taking inspiration from Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk (?!), Loki and Nick Fury, they hope to emulate the smells that maketh the man, so for Iron Man we’re presuming it’s a mix of sweat and WD40.

There’s the general BS of what ingredients have gone into them; notes of sandalwood with hints of lime, for instance, but we don’t think you’re going to admit to wear SMASH!, the fragrance inspired by The Incredible Hulk. You do want to get your end away don’t you?

You can buy Patriot (Captain America, duh), Mark VII (Iron Man), SMASH! (Incredible Hulk), Worthy (Thor), Mischief (Loki) and Infinity Formula (Nick Fury) from the Jads International website for much, much more money than they’re probably worth.

If smelling like a sweaty superhero isn’t your thing, then Jads also supplement a Star Trek inspired range of smells. Imagine how awesome everyone would think you were if you went into the office smelling like Sulu.

There’s also some perfumes for the ladies, but we’re still waiting for a She-Hulk and Dazzler inspired scent.

Being a member of the Hogan family would be great, if it weren’t for the fact that right now it would be rubbish.

The bright orange dad made of leather, Hulk Hogan, is in some trouble for trying to hide money from his mad wife, Linda Hogan, who’s going out with someone about three decades younger than herself, while the son, Nick Hogan, sits in jail for nearly killing his best mate and the daughter, Brooke Hogan… well – she just continues to embarrass herself.

Today it’s through the wonderful means of slagging off Paris Hilton via MySpace. What an age we live in! Though we can’t help but find it annoying – we slag that bint off more or less every day, and we have a go at the Hogans and we still don’t get national news exposure.

It’s a bloody popularity contest.

Brooke, obviously not content with just being the daughter of a worldwide phenomenon (who happens to be suffering one of the all-time great falls from grace) and a failed pop starlet has come out and berated Paris Hilton for her opinions, or lack thereof, on politics.

Eagle-eyed view-o-readers may remember that Paris released a spoof campaign video some time in the last week or so, responding to a Republican campaign ad from a few days prior. Obviously this makes her something of a high brow political commentator, or something.

At least, it does in Brooke Hogan’s eyes. Her stupid, stupid eyes.

And poor little Brookey, starved for the attention she normally demands, isn’t very happy with vapid blonde morons having their two cents thrown into the ring when it comes to politics. Nor does she understand the concept of irony, it would seem Writing on her ‘popular’ blog, the Hoganette said:

“Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its ‘cool’ to vote for so and so…they aren’t even up to date on information,” Brooke wrote. “I’M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don’t wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said ‘yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!’ …SHE WASN’T EVEN REGISTERED.”

Maybe it would be fine – maybe we could take this kind of thing at face value, or possibly we could just accept that this girl might actually have something of a politically-charged mind on her shoulders.

But then you do have to remember this is the same Brooke Hogan that said Hillary Clinton shouldn’t run for the US presidency as she would be too ‘emotional’ and ‘crazy’ thanks to PMS and menopause. While we won’t argue with the sentiment, she is clearly talking bum.

We would hope that Paris Hilton would form some kind of new video response to this, but surely not even she is attention-seeking enough to bother responding to a comment by a nobody? We mean, she doesn’t respond to hecklerspray, and we’re somebody.

A big, fat, smelly somebody.

Anyone who watched Hogan Knows Best a) has way too much time on their hands and b) could see that the Hogans seemed happy enough.

They weren’t – as soon as the show finished Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan got divorced and took up with insanely young new partners, Nick Hogan wrapped his car around a tree and went to jail and Brooke Hogan… well that chin of hers isn’t looking any less weird, is it?

So what’s going on? Maybe we’ll never know – after all, the Hogans have sold themselves out to the media before and it’s ended in tears, so the sensible thing to do would be to close ranks and figure out their problems in private. Or, if you’re Brooke Hogan, you’ll just go on Access Hollywood and yammer on about it for ages instead. Which is much more fun. Thanks Brooke!

Looking at the Hogan family, it’s remarkable that they stayed together this long. One parent is a veiny, abnormally large brute with bad hair and skin the colour of a bruised testicle who runs around in tiny red knickers for a living, and the other one is Hulk Hogan.

It couldn’t last, and it didn’t. Linda Hogan filed for divorce from Hulk Hogan right after the family’s reality TV show Hogan Knows Best stumbled to a conclusion, claiming that the marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’ – which we think is code for ‘my husband just beat me in an arm wrestle for the first time ever and it’s affected my sense of self-worth’.

Meanwhile, son Nick Hogan crashed his car so badly that his passenger will remain in constant care for the rest of his life, and he’s ended up doing solitary in jail for it. It’s not a perfect state of affairs by any means, and you get the feeling that if the family ever made another reality TV show it’d probably be called something like Look At This Awful Bunch Of Clueless Dickheads.

But, anyway, what about Brooke Hogan? Now that her brother’s in jail, she’s left all by herself – torn between a father who had it off with one of her friends and a mother that’s currently having it off with a boy she used to go to school with.

What would you do in Brooke Hogan’s situation? Go on Access Hollywood and spout off about all your family’s darkest problems in front of an audience of millions for no constructive reason whatsoever? Good, because that’s what Brooke Hogan chose to do as well. MSNBC quotes Brooke:

“I don’t know it’s — it’s been pretty nuts… I have to admit I did have a little bit of a breakdown one time about that ‘cause my brother and I are inseparable… I do feel like if someone can see me slip up, you know, they would love it because it would complete the family craziness.”

Good for Brooke Hogan, we say. She’s seen the damage that a reality TV show can do to people and – regardless of how stupidly the rest of her family has decided to act in public in the wake of Hogan Knows Best – she’s determined to live the rest of her life with as much dignity as possible, keen never to repeat the past mistakes made by herself and those around her.

Congratulations, Brooke! We have nothing but respect for you!

Brooke Hogan’s new reality TV show Brooke Knows Best debuts on VH1 this Sunday. We’re not making this up. Christ, what a hopeless jizzpot that girl is.

Generally when the Incredible Hulk smites his enemies, he has a small arsenal of weapons – his triceps, his biceps, and if rumors circulating about the 2011 sequel are to be believed – a golden machete.

He doesn’t need anything else – but that doesn’t mean he’s unwilling to consider all his options. Lung cancer, for instance, can be a highly effective super-tool in the hands of something so powerful and good.

With it, the demise of Magneto could be 20 minutes into a chemo treatment rather than smashing his brains through the side of John Deere headquarters.

Also the Hulk could use it to kill his hardest-core fans. Who needs them, right? He’s already started, you know – at least according to a legion of physicians. They’re so mad, and they will find a way to defeat him no matter what.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. Maybe someone should work that into an actual comic book.

We’re willing to letter it.

A lot of great things happened with the release of this hulk movie. For one, Ed Norton and Marvel learned that talking through their problems is far more effective than screaming, pointing, and stabbing repeatedly with someone else’s letter opener.

We don’t know when exactly they would have learned that last one, but everyone pretty much already knows it, right?

For another, Team Hulk likely realized the movie they were making was a chance to reach out and touch the lives of children everywhere – stuffing them to the brim with values, manners and thousands of tobacco-rich cigars.

That’s right, we said cigars. They did this specifically by having a main character – General Thunderbolt Ross – constantly smoking a stubby. This most certainly does not sit well with American Medical Association (AMA). Also PETA will probably be mad once they learn said cigars are lined on the inside with the greenish-blue blood of baby kangaroos. That’s for incredible flavor.

Dianne Fenyk, the mighty queen of the AMA, had this to say about everything:

“Hollywood studios should be especially embarrassed for using comic-book movies, which they market to children and know youth will want to see, to promote tobacco.”

To which we say; Well excuuuuuuse us for living in a country where children are no longer allowed to smoke. You gonna take their guns next?

In relation to the cigar-sucking general, Fenyk goes on to add:

“Besides, everyone knows Virginia Slims are the only standard military issue smokes allowed on American bases. They get doled out on day one in a tin box with crackers and spreadable fish.”

She didn’t say that last bit, but she did say the first one. Let us take this opportunity to chime in with a hearty agreement and say the cigar is a very unrealistic element in the movie. Everyone knows the only thing smoked by a man who regularly chases giant, green, jumping monsters would have much more of a doobie feel to it.

C’mon Marvel. Let’s get real.

Read More:

Incredible Hulk – Medics Upset About Hulk Smoking Scenes – Contact Music

The first is cool; the second is just a plain old fool.

Folded:

• Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln)

• Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. They taste quite nice)

• The Long Walk To Finchley (regardless of your opinions on Margaret Thatcher, this one-off comedy/drama plays as the epitome of what BBC4 do best: light political fluff)

• Lee McQueen (seems like, for once, any old Alan has picked the right candidate; apparently he’s putting Lee to work on the London Underground somewhere)

• Hulk squish (not smash. Norton’s fine though)

Creased:

• CGI (why is it seldom as good as filmmakers think it is?)

• When those factory bods accidentally put smooth Tropicana in the juicy bits Tropicana carton (doesn’t ruin your day, but certainly gets the morning off to a rough start)

• No more The Apprentice (in 2005 it started off worse than Dragons Den and then swiftly became the only reality show worth watching. Big Brother then, everyone? Hmm? No)

• Gone Baby Gone (far and away not a bad movie, but Mr Ben Affleck needs to find his own voice and not Clint Eastwood’s if he wants to succeed as a credible director)

• Jumper on DVD (even with some mildy interesting deleted scenes, you’d still be better off eating your money rather than spending it on this)