One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.
While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.
So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.
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Ever wanted to smell like one of Marvel’s finest? Of course you have. If you said you’d be a stinking liar. See what we did there? Stinking. It’s a joke! A funny joke! Oh, shut up a second and we’ll tell you how you can.
We’ve always longed for our lady friends to smell like Black Widow, and for our friends to smell like rejection, fear and Michael Fassbender: just like the X-Men.
The good people at Jads International, which sounds a lot like one of the stripping troupes that frequently visit the HS bedsit (Nads International) are bringing you a range of aftershaves that are themed around the main characters from the upcoming, and not at all Marvel’s last chance-saloon, The Avengers.
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Being a member of the Hogan family would be great, if it weren’t for the fact that right now it would be rubbish.
The bright orange dad made of leather, Hulk Hogan, is in some trouble for trying to hide money from his mad wife, Linda Hogan, who’s going out with someone about three decades younger than herself, while the son, Nick Hogan, sits in jail for nearly killing his best mate and the daughter, Brooke Hogan… well – she just continues to embarrass herself.
Today it’s through the wonderful means of slagging off Paris Hilton via MySpace. What an age we live in! Though we can’t help but find it annoying – we slag that bint off more or less every day, and we have a go at the Hogans and we still don’t get national news exposure.
It’s a bloody popularity contest.
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Anyone who watched Hogan Knows Best a) has way too much time on their hands and b) could see that the Hogans seemed happy enough.
They weren’t – as soon as the show finished Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan got divorced and took up with insanely young new partners, Nick Hogan wrapped his car around a tree and went to jail and Brooke Hogan… well that chin of hers isn’t looking any less weird, is it?
So what’s going on? Maybe we’ll never know – after all, the Hogans have sold themselves out to the media before and it’s ended in tears, so the sensible thing to do would be to close ranks and figure out their problems in private. Or, if you’re Brooke Hogan, you’ll just go on Access Hollywood and yammer on about it for ages instead. Which is much more fun. Thanks Brooke!
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Generally when the Incredible Hulk smites his enemies, he has a small arsenal of weapons – his triceps, his biceps, and if rumors circulating about the 2011 sequel are to be believed – a golden machete.
He doesn’t need anything else – but that doesn’t mean he’s unwilling to consider all his options. Lung cancer, for instance, can be a highly effective super-tool in the hands of something so powerful and good.
With it, the demise of Magneto could be 20 minutes into a chemo treatment rather than smashing his brains through the side of John Deere headquarters.
Also the Hulk could use it to kill his hardest-core fans. Who needs them, right? He’s already started, you know – at least according to a legion of physicians. They’re so mad, and they will find a way to defeat him no matter what.
Actually, that sounds pretty good. Maybe someone should work that into an actual comic book.
We’re willing to letter it.
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The first is cool; the second is just a plain old fool.
Folded:
- Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln)
- The Long Walk To Finchley (regardless of your opinions on Margaret Thatcher, this one-off comedy/drama plays as the epitome of what BBC4 do best: light political fluff)
- Lee McQueen (seems like, for once, any old Alan has picked the right candidate; apparently he’s putting Lee to work on the London Underground somewhere)
Creased:
- CGI (why is it seldom as good as filmmakers think it is?)
- No more The Apprentice (in 2005 it started off worse than Dragons Den and then swiftly became the only reality show worth watching. Big Brother then, everyone? Hmm? No)
- Gone Baby Gone (far and away not a bad movie, but Mr Ben Affleck needs to find his own voice and not Clint Eastwood’s if he wants to succeed as a credible director)
- Jumper on DVD (even with some mildy interesting deleted scenes, you’d still be better off eating your money rather than spending it on this)
