Fanboy idol Hugh Jackman knows when he puts on the mutton chops that he is onto a winner.

So much so that, now he’s back again as the Gillette razor clawed Wolverine, he’s barely made any effort to make this entry stick out from the rest of the franchise.

Let’s get one thing straight: This is better than X3: The Last Stand. Watching a lobster snip at your genitalia is a less gruelling experience. Not to say that Wolverine is a good film – not when it throws franchise continuity around with such reckless abandon. If you like Bryan Singer’s two-stroke masterclass in comic book movie-making, then you may feel slightly bemused after this film is finished chewing up the established Wolverine facts then spitting them out, forming a somewhat hairy mess.

This is, literally, the full origin story (don’t mention Japan); we see him as a bone-clawed child (Original trilogy continuity error #1: He was given claws according to X1 and 2), then whipped through every war before joining a crime fighting group in Africa. These early scenes are the most enjoyable, a miniature team of X-Men raiding a base and using all their powers is enthralling and exactly the type of dynamic a film like this needs. The bunch of mutants features a decent who’s who as well: Dominic Monaghan is great but all too brief in his Electro-like appearance. Ryan Reynolds notches another superhero movie on his bedpost and makes a good wise-cracking Deadpool and then there’s Will.i.am, some sarky Asian dude and a bloke who has popped up in Lost.

The team is lead by a young Striker (Danny Houston) – of whom you know from X2 as Weapon X leader – here representing none of the subtle repression of a man scorned by mutant atrocity on his family. Now he is a panto villain. One that looks like a young Gordon Brown, too. Joining him on the evil side of the fence is Sabretooth, once a little furry package in the first X-Men, now shaven down and possessing the ability to string sentences together. Here as Wolverine’s brother, he runs around killing people and little else. Shame, as Liev Schreiber is a decent character actor and playing a thug-for-hire role really doesn’t provide anything for him to grab hold of.

This film is called Wolverine, though, and any team angle is soon dropped to follow the hardest man in a vest since John McClane. Reliable as Jackman is, this is just a retread, trying so hard to explain everything that it feels redundant, like a greatest hits collection – getting his leather jacket, bike, claws, memory erased, bouffant etc.

When it isn’t concerned with doing this, it’s packing in the mutant cameos. As said before, the X-mercenaries make fleeting appearances and joining them is baby Cyclops, Prof. X, Blob and fan favourite Gambit.

Taking a step aside for a moment to discuss Gambit; on any level of conception it’s hard to understand the casting of the role. Not being a 33-year-old virgin, our X-Men knowledge is minimal, but from what we remember of the guy, he was a slick rogue with an edge. Not a blank-faced OC extra with as much charisma as a pickled onion.

The film is an average romp, having none of the intensity nor the atmosphere of Singer’s films but, thankfully, not being the hyperactive, overcooked turkey of X3. Jackman wears the role like a comfortable slipper but the script and idea are unfocused and what could have been a dark, distinctive film ends up repeating much of what has come before and becoming cameo reliant.

On Blu-Ray the film is packed with some great extras; a Stan Lee conversation, deleted scenes, commentaries and behind the scenes features. Along with the excellent picture and sound on Blu-Ray, it also comes with a copy on DVD and a digital copy for your ipod – a nice little package.

Wolverine is a neutered film, trying to appeal to kiddies can never make this mutant go full berserker. Unfortunately, this means that much like the rest of the film, it never gets its claws deep enough into the really good stuff.

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There’s usually a very clear division between the two separate versions of Hugh Jackman, isn’t there?

There’s Stage Hugh Jackman and Screen Hugh Jackman. Screen Hugh Jackman is the one who’s angry, violent and prone to dropping to his knees and shouting “NOOOOO!” at the sky at the tiniest of provocations. And Stage Hugh Jackman is the flamboyant one, the one in the big silky blouses and spangly trousers and stuff.

Usually the two Hugh Jackmans never merge. But they did recently, when a phone went off during his latest play. You’ve never seen angry, slightly gay-seeming chiding like it.

Mobile phones can be a real problem in the theatre. We’ve all seen it – there you are, trying to catch up with a friend during some dreary old play that your girlfriend has made you go and see, when all of a sudden the actors stop what they’re doing and start shouting at you to put your phone away. It’s rude, that’s what it is.

It’s almost as rude as when everyone screams at you during long-haul flights just because your mobile phone signal has interfered with the plane’s navigational system and sent it into a tailspin that will inevitably end in fiery death. Honestly, the nerve of some people. Can’t they see we’re talking?

Something similar to this happened last week during a performance of the new Hugh Jackman/ Daniel Craig play A Steady Rain. One member of the audience was probably waiting for an important call from their dentist or something – and looking forward to it, too, to break up the monotony of Hugh Jackman’s big “Oh, I’m a policeman, I’ve seen some terrible things, boo hoo hoo” speech – but as soon as the phone started ringing, Hugh Jackman stopped the speech to get all snippy with them. Actors, eh? What a bunch of turds. Here’s the video…

Now we’ve been hard on Hugh Jackman before – pretty much only because he exists – but we have to hand it to him here. Because it wasn’t him who told the audience member to turn off their phone – it was his character. See the way he didn’t even break his accent or the cadence of his voice. That’s real acting.

That audience member is lucky that Hugh Jackman wasn’t playing Wolverine at the time, because the incident would have almost certainly resulted in bloodshed if that were the case. And they’re also lucky that they he wasn’t playing his character from Australia at the time, too, because nobody went to see Australia and it would have meant that the ringing sound could only be heard inside Hugh Jackman’s head, indicating that he was probably going through some kind of traumatic psychiatric meltdown or something.

We’ve forgotten what our point was. Something about Hugh Jackman being an idiot, probably.

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Here’s a killer pitch for you. James Bond and Wolverine team up to fight crime together. Sounds good, huh?

Wait, we’re not finished. James Bond and Wolverine team up to fight crime together… within the strict confines of the law. And nobody kills anyone. And nothing explodes. And there’s probably a lot of crying. And it’s not even a film, it’s a play. God, we take it all back. This is a rubbish pitch.

But it’s going to happen. Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are going to star in that exact play on Broadway. Not James Bond and Wolverine. Sorry.

Right now, both Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are at the top of their powers. Daniel Craig has transformed James Bond from an entertainingly suave spy into a nightclub bouncer who punches stuff for a living, and Hugh Jackman has transformed Wolverine from an entertainingly wisecracking superhero to a wimp who can’t go any longer than four seconds without dropping to his knees and shouting “Nooooo!” at the sky. They’re both remarkable achievements.

So what’s next for them? Why, isn’t it obvious? It’s the theatre. After all, the theatre is where stars of the big screen go to reconnect with their craft, slowly realise that they get more money and better food on films and then pretend that they’re dying of a sushi overdose so that they can cut their run short and bolt off back to Hollywood. Or, if they’re uncomfortably young, it’s where they can get their genitals out night after night.

And best of all, Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman are doing it together, as AP reports:

Nothing has been officially confirmed but two of Hollywood’s reigning hunks may be paired next fall on Broadway in “A Steady Rain,” a two-character drama by Keith Huff. The actors are set to star in the play about two Chicago policemen, friends since childhood, whose lives take divergent paths after an unnerving incident. The Chicago Tribune called the play an “exceptionally rich, gritty and emotional drama.”

We’ve got high hopes for A Steady Rain. The combination of Hugh Jackman’s tested Broadway popularity and the instinctive masculinity of Daniel Craig coming together in a haunting play by an exciting new playwright promises to provide audiences with a night of electrifying intensity. In particular, we’re looking forward to seeing the songs This Steady Rain Has Got Me Moist, (I’ll Show You My) Warrant To Boogie and I Killed And Ate My Vietnamese Nephew Because I’m A Cannibalistic Serial Killer, which – SPOILER ALERT – is performed from inside an enchanted flying car.

So good luck to Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman. We hope that A Steady Rain runs and runs and runs. Admittedly that’s because Wolverine and the last James Bond film were so terrible that we’d like for neither of them to ever star in another film ever again, but shut up.

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9 – Swine flu in Willow – a warning from history – Filmdrunk

8 - The most expensive beers in the whole world – Gunaxin

7 - 10 films banned in America - Iheartchaos.

6 - Why porn rules the world - Cracked

5 - UGLY GOBOTS! – Pointlessbanter

4 – It kills us to inform you of this, but it looks a lot Hugh Jackman might actually be quite a nice chap – TMZ

3 - Want to make a solar oven from a pizza box? OK – Instructables

2 – Here’s a bunch of videos of expensive cars being smashed to pieces – Jalopnik

1 - This is dazzling. Plus, we actually own a Slap Chop. Therefore we win…

Every superhero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite, Batman has young boys in capes and sexy leggings, and to beat Spider-Man all you really have to do is move your crime syndicate to a prairie. It really is that easy.

To defeat Wolverine, on the other hand, may take a little more work. After all, he’s got those steel fingers he always seems to cut things up with. How’s a person supposed to get around a weapon like that? The answer, of course, it that they can’t.

Pigs can though – especially Mexican pigs with runny noses and a burning fever.

Having already seen the film illegally over 10 times, we can say with a high degree of certainty that it would have been much better if the love-making scene between Wolverine and Magneto had just been limited to 20 minutes. Instead the writers and or producers thought it’d be a good idea to make that night-time romp the bulk of the plot. Sure, at first it seemed sexy enough, but a normal person can only tolerate Ian McKellen playfully choking on Hugh Jackman’s chest hair so many times.

Seriously – how that thing avoided an R rating we’ll never know.

One thing it didn’t avoid, however, is the swine flu (it’s like the bird flu only better). If what we understand is true, then every single trained movie-house projectionist in Mexico has recently died or something, so the movie premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been seriously hampered.

Or as E! Online explains it:

“Wednesday’s all-star Mexico City premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine has been scrapped due to the region’s deadly swine-flu outbreak, 20th Century Fox confirmed today.”

If you ask us this is all just another example of Mexico’s unwieldy rudeness. First they clog our Home Depot parking lots, then turn all the money we give them for roads into a governor’s backyard swimming pool with a crazy Spanish colour-scheme, and now this?

No! No Mexico! We are putting our foot down. We have given you the best that we can give, that being in this case a pretty good opportunity for your cartels to put an unsuspecting Hugh Jackman in one of your fancy border-town body bags, and this is how you treat us? With an epidemic?

He doesn’t really have those claws you know. Is that what you thought Mexico? That those special effects were real? You’re so stupid Mexico! What do they teach you in those three-walled schools of yours!

And while we’re at it – you really should treat Paraguayans with respect!

They’re human beings Mexico!

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If you like looking at the hands and feet of Hollywood stars, there’s only one place to go – a mental hospital.

Or Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. But a mental hospital would probably make more sense, you creepy sod. Anyway, fans of seeing what some famous people’s hands look like have now got another reason to visit Grauman’s Chinese Theatre – because now they can see what Hugh Jackman’s hands look like.

Because now Hugh Jackman’s hands and footprints have been immortalised in concrete there, alongside the notice ‘HUGH JACKMAN (you know, Hugh Jackman from Wolverine. Wolverine. It came out in 2009. No? Anyone?)’.

Anyone visiting Hollywood for the first time will have several destinations on their must-see list. The Hollywood sign, Universal Studios and, for anyone who likes being harassed by awful people dressed as mutanty versions of semi-beloved animation characters, Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

That last one’s just become a little more must-see, though, because now – alongside said mutants, hopeless souvenirs that you wouldn’t give to your worst enemy and pickpockets – there’s Hugh Jackman’s handprint. Yesterday Hugh Jackman became the latest star to be immortalised outside Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, alongside such luminaries as the cast of Ocean’s 13 and Jean Simmons. No, not Gene Simmons. Jean Simmons. She was in Black Narcissus. Anyway, Reuters reports:

“It’s a very humbling moment as an actor to be here. You look down at the names, from Fred Astaire to Cary Grant, Clint Eastwood, Al Pacino, Steve McQueen, John Wayne, and to think that those people have been immortalized and pretty soon I’ll be putting my hands in wet cement,” Jackman said, before planting his palms in the concrete.

Hugh Jackman is in impressive company there, we’ll admit. Fred Astaire, who popularised dance on film. Steve McQueen, who redefined masculine cool throughout his career. Clint Eastwood, who’s arguably one of the most famous men of the last century. Hugh Jackman, who’s made a stupid film about a man with spiky hands blowing all sorts of crap up. Immortal, the lot of them.

Actually, we’re just kidding. Hugh Jackman deserves his place in the concrete – in the last 12 months he’s been named as the sexiest man in the world and has hosted the Oscars, and right now he’s on the brink of releasing what could be one of the year’s biggest movies.

Plus there’s a pretty good chance that Hugh Jackman will go down in history as the first actor whose career has been completely derailed by online leaks, and so it’d be better to get him now before he chops his hands and feet off in a flurry of drunken, destitute self-pity. It’s just more practical this way, trust us.

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9 – Want to see the greatest four-year-old drummer in the known world? You’d do well to look here – Mychemicaltoilet

8 – Summer movies that will fail miserably – Coedmag

7 – hecklerspray takes no responsibility for the tea that you’ll splutter across your monitor upon watching this remade Peter Andre video - YouTube

6 – Jon Stewart Vs Jim Cramer: Round, dunno, a million? - Thelantern

5 - 10 celebrity perverts - Manofest

4 - Man Vs Snake. Someone make a movie about this, please - Telegraph

3 – Hey Seal, how about keeping it in your pants for once? - PopEater

2 - It should be illegal to like the music of John Mayer this much - I Am Bored

1 – EXCITING NEWS! BATMAN 3 TRAILER…

You know who this Wolverine leak has hit hardest? Will.i.am. Everyone knows that he’s bad in it before it’s even out.

Second-hardest? Probably Hugh Jackman, the man who produced the movie, stars as Wolverine in the movie and is prepared to fling himself out of a helicopter to promote the movie. Will.i.am hasn’t commented on the Wolverine leak – the law states that he has to wait for Fergie to sing about her knockers for two verses before he’s allowed to speak at any given moment – but Hugh Jackman has.

And apparently Hugh Jackman isn’t too happy. Who’d have guessed?

This Wolverine leak has done no good for anybody at all. Roger Friedman’s lost his job because of it, 20th Century Fox stand to lose millions of dollars because of it, there’s less likely to be a spin-off sequel about the origin story of Bad Gandalf because of it and Will.i.am will probably never get another acting job because of it. Alright, so maybe not all the consequences of the leak are so terrible in retrospect.

A million people are said to have downloaded Wolverine so far, which puts the movie at exactly the point it didn’t want to be – yes, a million downloads equates to a potentially huge financial loss but, in terms of views, this only makes Wolverine roughly as popular as a YouTube video of kitten with a wellington boot stuck on its head. Whichever way you look at it, things aren’t looking good.

And Hugh Jackman knows this only too well. He had so much riding on Wolverine – not only was it going to prove that he could carry a big summer blockbuster, but it was also going to banish any lingering suspicions that – following all his flapping and squealing at the Oscars this year – he was gay. Or at the very least it’d make everyone think that he was an angry gay instead of a musical theatre gay. Whatever that means.

And now Hugh Jackman has spoken out about the Wolverine leak. As you may have guessed, he’s not thrilled about it – especially since it’s put the kibosh on his plans to promote Wolverine in such a moronically spectacular way that he was only a phantom pregnancy or two away from straying into Tom Cruise territory. People reports:

“It’s a serious crime and there’s no doubt it’s very disappointing – I was heartbroken by it,” Hugh Jackman said Wednesday about last week’s Internet leak of a work print of his X-Men Origins: Wolverine. “Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film. It’s like a Ferrari without a paint job.”

You can’t blame Hugh Jackman here – all he wants is for people to enjoy Wolverine the way it was meant to be enjoyed – in an overpriced, uncomfortable seat screwed to a surface that’s been covered with discarded gum, surrounded by 150 teenagers who all seem to be texting each other at the same time and then reading those texts back at the top of their voices. He’s an idealist, what can we say?

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You know how nobody cares about the Wolverine movie because it’s the fourth film in a creatively-exhausted franchise?

Well, guess what? Now people have a brand new, even more exciting reason to ignore Wolverine when it’s released – anyone with a computer can illegally download a high-quality copy of the movie from the internet. A copy of Wolverine has been uploaded to torrent sites a month before release, leaving 20th Century Fox bigwigs fuming.

Luckily for them, though, comic book geeks are notoriously unable to use the internet properly. Wolverine’s secret lives on to fight another day!

There are basically three groups of people in the world when it comes to Wolverine – the mega-fans who’ll definitely pay to see the spectacle of the finished article at the cinema even if they’ve already watched it online, the casual fans who’ll watch Wolverine on their computers and then ignore the theatrical release, and those who care so little about Wolverine that they won’t download it or see it at the cinema but will dismiss it as rubbish on their sarcastic British-based entertainment blogs as if they were bloody experts on it.

That last one’s us, by the way. Shh.

Anyway, 20th Century Fox had better be hoping that the first group is the biggest of these, because the new Wolverine movie has already been leaked online to a number of torrent sites a month before its release. BBC News reports:

The high quality copy of the film has been uploaded to several file sharing and streaming video websites. The movie is incomplete, with some special effects still in need of fine tuning and green screens and wires attached to actors still visible. Since being uploaded to file sharing websites on Tuesday, more than 75,000 copies of the film have already been downloaded and reviews by users have started appearing online.

Apparently 20th Century Fox are furious about the leak, and are promising to prosecute the person responsible. But it’s Hugh Jackman who we feel most sorry for. His year was going so well – he was named as the world’s sexiest man and some idiot let him goon about like a hyperactive cartoon flamingo while hosting the Oscars – and now this.

Hugh Jackman has invested so much of himself into Wolverine that an online leak will cause him no end of pain. Just by making it available for free, the Wolverine leak automatically hurts the movie’s box office gross, which a) means that Hugh might have to do the unthinkable and agree to star in a sequel to Australia, and b) massively reduces the chances of 20th Century Fox making additional X-Men Origins movies about Vinnie Jones and that blue Frasier thing. Those were the ones we were holding out for, damnit!

On the plus side, it also reduces the chances of Will.i.am making any more films. So that’s something.

As for us, we won’t be downloading the leaked Wolverine print. Not because of ethics or because we think that movies don’t translate as well when viewed on a 10-inch laptop screen on a train. No, the reason that we won’t download Wolverine is because we’ve already seen the Wolverine trailer and, honestly, sitting through two minutes of interminable clenched-faced explosions was enough for us. Two hours of the bastard would probably finish us off.

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Or something. The truth is, we don’t know. But just because Wolverine is still filming weeks after the shoot was due to be completed, it doesn’t mean that the movie’s a sack of balls. Honest. Hugh Jackman wants everyone to know that it’s just unfinished.

Which, you know, is great for Hugh Jackman, but rubbish for us. We were hoping that it meant Wolverine star will.i.am would be recast with someone more convincing, like Dr Harold Shipman or some broccoli.

Hugh Jackman has got a lot riding on the new Wolverine movie. As well as starring in it and producing it, Hugh is well aware that he needs it to be a great big bloody hit. Because, sure, he’s the Oscars host and the sexiest man alive, but what with Australia tanking and Deception tanking and Flushed Away tanking and The Fountain tanking and Scoop tanking, all Hugh Jackman is running on at the moment is a winning smile and a slightly startling willingness to prance around in skintight golden trousers.

So Wolverine needs to be a hit. And we have to admit it’s certainly shaping up to be one – not least because the first Wolverine trailer was so full of eye-popping explosions that we’re pretty sure we can pin global warming solely on its shoulders.

However, just recently we started to get the hunch that Wolverine would be a big fat turd of a movie, thanks to reports that everyone was shipping up to Canada to do a load of reshoots. Why this was, nobody knew – it could have been that the implied post-Carnapian subtext of the movie was slightly drowned out by the lengthy prelude to the movie featuring nothing but Hugh Jackman reading On the Fourfold Root of the Principle of Sufficient Reason by Arthur Schopenhauer in its entirety from the top of a volcano, or it could have been because the story, direction, acting and effects were complete arsebiscuits from beginning to end. Nobody knew.

But it turns out that, in reality, nobody is reshooting Wolverine – they’re just finishing it. In reality, the Wolverine crew had always planned to reconvene in Canada now because of Hugh Jackman’s commitment to escort Nicole Kidman around the world on that weird Aborigine-offending press tour of hers. It’s true – Hugh Jackman even wrote an email to Ain’t It Cool to explain himself:

I wanted to reach out and let you know that due to scheduling conflicts with certain cast members and location/weather considerations, we had to wait until now to shoot a couple of scenes. Please rest assured that WOLVERINE will be badass and hopefully meet all of your expectations. I am stoked by the positive response to the teaser, which clearly reflects the tone and scope of the film. If you like that, we’ve got much more in store!

See? Nothing’s wrong with Wolverine at all. You have no reason to relax – it’s going to be as good as any fourth movie based around the same character that features one of the Black Eyed Peas as a principle castmember and a man whose special power involves throwing some playing cards really, really hard deserves to be. You lucky people.

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But none of this can disguise the fact that Hugh Jackman is Wolverine, nothing but Wolverine and will remain Wolverine until the day he dies. That’s why he’s made a new film that’s only about that one character, and that’s why we’ve got the new Wolverine trailer for you here.

But if you can’t wait for X-Men Origins: Wolverine to be released, or you can’t be bothered to go and see it when it’s released, we’ve knocked out a brief synopsis of the movie based on the trailers. There may be spoilers. But, somehow, we think there probably won’t…

Wolverine starts life as an actor in a touring civil war reenactment troupe who is driven to despair by his inability to do anything other than stare off into the middle distance with a vaguely anguished look on his face. To cheer himself up, Wolverine goes to an unlicensed beauty spa and almost drowns. Rather than write to Watchdog to complain about this infringement on his consumer rights, Wolverine kills everyone, then blows something up, then rides a motorbike through an explosion, then blows something else up, then smashes through a wall, then a window and then he blows up a jeep, flies through the air and lands on a helicopter for some reason.

Why does Wolverine look so furious throughout his entire trailer? We’re not sure, but we think it has something to do with the fact that his best friend is Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas. We’d be constantly putting our life at risk if he was our friend, too.

It’s hard to tell if the Wolverine trailer makes the film look like an epic John Woo-style action ballet or an overblown load of tosh. But one thing’s for sure – we want X-Men Origins: Wolverine to be a success.

That’s because the sequel’s bound to be X-Men Origins: That Bloody Halle Berry Woman, and there just aren’t enough opportunities to fall asleep in a cinema these days, are there?

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It must be true, because Hugh Jackman has just been named as People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “But wasn’t Matt Damon named the sexiest man alive by People magazine last year?” And the answer is yes. Yes he was. But following Matt Damon’s tragic death before the release of The Dark Knight this year, it’s time to pick a new Sexiest Man Alive. And that man is Hugh Jac… wait, we were thinking of Heath Ledger weren’t we? Whoops.

Anyway, why is Hugh Jackman People’s Sexiest Man Alive? Because he’s got a film out, that’s why. Any other reasons? Probably not, no.

People’s Sexiest Man Of The Year award has become a proud tradition in recent years – a proud tradition where the list is published on the internet and we look through it as fast as we can before angrily punching stuff because we’re not in the top 15 even though both Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell and Michael Phelps are, despite Michael Phelps having a face that objectively looks like a spatchcock.

But anyway, bitterness aside, it would appear that 2008 would be a good year to be Hugh Jackman. For, having wrestled the mantle from Matt Damon and George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey, Hugh Jackman has been named as the Sexiest Man Alive. And here’s People magazine’s gushing description of Jackman, just to make all the men in the world understand as clearly as possible that they’re gruesome uggos compared to him:

At 6-foot-2, all scruff and biceps, Hugh Jackman looms large in the epic “Australia,” which he says kept him “dirty 95 percent of the time” and left people stammering, “Oh … my … God,” according to costar Nicole Kidman, who adds, “Women’s jaws drop when Hugh walks into a room.”

Well, not all women’s jaws, obviously – thanks to all the Botox that she looks like she’s had, the only way that Nicole Kidman can drop her jaw these days is with the aid of a hairdryer and a mechanical jack – but that’s beside the point.

Of course Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man alive. Who can forget his sexy magnetism in the X-Men movies and, um, you know, his other films. Like, oh, you know, that film about the magician. And the film where Halle Berry took her top off. And, oh, the film about the rats in the toilet! He was good in that.

And we’re certain that Hugh Jackman will be good in that Australia film that’s coming out. You know, that new film that was plagued by early casting and filming difficulties and that’s been getting some bad early reviews lately and would probably do anything to get some decent publicity, even getting their star named in a magazine’s pointless list of sexy actors.

Yeah, we’re sure he’s great in that.

And, yes, it’s bitterness. Shh.

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8 – Hugh Jackman, please be our goonfaced king. Please – Best Week Ever

7 – Re-release this now before The Dark Knight comes out on DVD - Bedazzled

6 - Chickens breaking up a rabbit fight. What a touching allegory or something – Collegehumour

5 – Britney Spears gets marriage advice from the one person less qualified than her to give it – Holy Moly

4 - Here’s a load of pictures of schoolgirls. Why? Because we love you – LA Weekly

3 - Some zombie portraits – Drawn

2 - Sex myths explained… BY SCIENCE! – Cracked

1 – Here’s a video interview with Jessica Fletcher from Murder She Wrote and her lesbian life partner – Pitchfork