Palaeolithic megastar Madonna says she wonders what it would be like to be truly ‘loved’. By ‘truly loved’ she doesn’t mean by her legion of overly-loyal fans but by someone with something to lose.
The 53-year-old’s sudden interest in love and human emotion comes as she is marketing her new directorial outing ‘W.E.’ and is not in any way a cynical attempt to garner some headlines for a film that has flown pretty much under the radar up until now.
It’s very important to remember that. These are deep, meaningful emotions from a deep and meaningful woman.
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There’s nothing better than a nice antique leather chair to help you relax after a long day at work.
Well, this theory may be put to the test with the announcement that Nancy Dell’Olio is to pose naked in an upcoming edition of everybody’s favourite spunk-rag, Playboy.
The Strictly Come Dancing star is apparently really eager to show everyone just what Iggy Pop’s chuff would look like if he were a woman.
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If you’ve ever been told to stop making a boob of yourself, then usually you’re doing something stupid like stirring a cup of coffee with your wang. Just us? Anyway, in the case of Holly Madison, if she didn’t have her busters, her income would dry up faster than a cream-cracker in the Mojave Desert.
When Holly was growing up, she didn’t want to be a doctor. Instead, her dream was to walk around in hardly any clothing whilst her employee Hugh Hefner furiously rubbed his thighs so much that his shrivelled love stick would get a friction burn.
Unless she has a fetish for pensioners, Holly Madison was one of Hefner’s many paid girlfriends, but now she’s free from wrinkled clutches, she’s being her own woman! Sadly, feminists will be dismayed to hear that she still requires her chest to get through life and has just taken out an insurance plan on her knockers.
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Gene Simmons is a man who says he loves women folk, but you get the distinct impression that he actually hates them. Or, worse still, is afraid of them. That’s why he’s always unfurling that gigantic tongue of his at them.
As an aside, it’s hard to picture what went on when he bunked up with Diana Ross. She so slight that you can imagine he wore her like a glove puppet on his monstrous mouth piece.
Either way, all that’s behind him now as he’s all set to make an honest man of himself and marry his fiance of three decades, Shannon Tweed.
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Hugh Hefner is not a happy man. Is it because he sincerely thought Crystal Harris was his true love and there was genuine shock and misery at her jilting him at the altar, before going on to say nasty things about his prowess in the bedroom?
Or is it because his male pride is taking an absolute hammering?
Whatever it is, he’s not about to start taking insults from an air-head like that! No way! So is he coming out fighting and saying that she has unsightly moles on her mons or that she actually has a dozen teats down her stomach like some pig in a boob tube? Of course he isn’t. He’s pointed at his chap and saying ‘Yeah? I totally do sex with it all the time. Like, a million times a day. And all the women can’t walk properly. After I’ve had sex with them I mean. I’m not using my wonder wand on people in wheelchairs. Although I would because I’ve got no problem with them. Can I have a lie down now? A normal one, not a sex one. Thanks. I get ever so tired.’
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We were all pretty shocked when Crystal Harris decided to ditch Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, just days before she was due to walk up the altar. They seemed like such a lovely couple. Perfect for each other in fact!
Alas, it wasn’t to be and us mere mortals were denied the greatest love story ever told.
Not that there was much lovin’ going on. See, Crystal has decided to spill the beans on the couple’s sex life… or should we say, lack of it. So little nookie was had that Harris claims that she never even saw Hef naked. As a little treat for her, we’ve decided to share our picture of Hefner with no clothes on with her.
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Hugh Hefner has invented a cloning machine. We’re presupposing as much because yet another girlfriend has been added to Hugh’s arsenal of glorified ladies of the night. Ever heard of November 2011 Playboy Playmate Shera Bechard? No? Us neither.
A little too old for his tastes, we think, Shera is the 27-year-old new girlfriend of the 85-year-old smut-peddler. Yes, that’s another one since last Monday when he confirmed that Anne Sophie Berglund and the Shannon twins were back in his harem.
In what reads like the world’s most convoluted ploy for publicity, Hugh has used the break-up with Crystal Harris to pimp his forthcoming Playboy issues and the latest non-descript blonde who’s going to age out within a year. Read More >>>
It takes a lot of work to be described as a legend. You have to be dedicated to what you do and do it well for years of your life. Eventually, your achievement is such that your creation will be on any imaginable number of products that make less and less sense. Imagine your logo on bottle openers and the front of thongs! Imagine! The logo that has become synonymous with the objectification of women or, as others like to think of it, baps and bush.
Imagine you created that. Imagine you’re Hugh Hefner. Just take thirty seconds and imagine that. Have you lost your erection and/or heightened state of sexual arousal? Yes, of course you have.
Shrivelled titfid Hugh Hefner is reported to have moved on from ex-fiancée Crystal Harris, despite their engagement only ending last week. The renowned smoking jacket wearer is said to have been so aroused by his new ‘target’ that he almost managed to allow enough blood to rush to his flaccid member to allow its non-artificial engorgement. That’s love in the Playboy Mansion.
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