Delia Smith needs to work hard to keep up these days - she doesn't have Gordon's foul mouth, Nigella's boobs or Anthony Worrall Thompson's horrible straggly beard thing.

But what Delia does have is a frozen packet of mashed potato discs. And people literally want to punch her in her stupid face for it.

Delia Smith's new BBC 2 cookery show How To Cheat At Cooking has come in for a bit of a kicking because she's started to use tinned mince and pre-grated cheese in her recipes. And now foodies are so outraged that anyone would think Delia Smith had spent half an hour on Monday shitting into a baby's mouth.

Delia Smith is the Jay-Z of the middle-class television chef world, albeit a Jay-Z who keeps getting drunk at football matches and has fingers like chubby uncooked sausages.

So why is Delia Smith like Jay-Z? Well, her forthcoming gangsta rap album All Eyez On Me (I'm Making Flapjacks) is certainly one reason, and the other is that she's about to break her own self-enforced retirement. The BBC has announced that Delia Smith is set to make her television comeback next year, six years after announcing that she'd hung up her whisk for good, with an update of her 1971 book How To Cheat At Cooking. Of course, the TV cooking landscape has changed immeasurably over the last six years, so it's clear that Delia needs a gimmick - which is why she plans on screaming all her recipes like they're red-eyed, wobbly-legged football chants.