Hotel - HecklerSpray

Finally! America Has Come To Make Doctor Who Brilliant!

November 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Doctor Who has always been a quirkfest, with machines that don’t work properly, stupidly long scarves, baddies that look like bits of tinfoil and something preposterously called ‘a sonic screwdriver’.

Really, The Doctor is, of all the heroes, the most nauseatingly twee. He’ll be playing a bloody ukulele next. A sonic ukulele no doubt.

Anyway, thank frig the Americans have shown up to save this sorry franchise with some razzle and dazzle. That’s right! America will be getting their hands on Doctor Who and making the explosions bigger, the Doctor more handsome, throwing in a sex scene or two and making him have a proper spaceship as opposed to a stupid telephone box. WHO EVEN USES TELEPHONE BOXES ANYMORE? HAVEN’T THE WRITERS HEARD OF MOBILE PHONES?

Older Gentleman Falls In Shower: The Rise & Fall Of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler

October 26th, 2011 By Michael Park

News has reached us here at hecklerspray of a really tragic event that should highlight age issues throughout our society. For too long people have gone about their daily lives, scarcely giving a thought to the older people in our society, people who are too old and frail to care for themselves properly.

As the economic slump continues and people find it just too damned expensive to squeeze out babies like they’re going out of fashion, the world’s population will continue to get older and it is to our older friends and neighbours that we must look to and offer a helping hand in their hour of need.

It’s news like this that really hammers that fact home.

Karen Gillan And The Word Naked Is Very Search Term Friendly, Despite Being Old News (We Have A Picture Though)

June 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Yesterday, we completely forgot to write about Karen Gillan being found naked on the floor of a hotel in New York. Despite the fact it is quite literally yesterday’s news, everyone still seems to be talking about it today.

So of course, not wanting to miss out on that lovely traffic, invariably being swept up by slow-reacting newspapers that only grabbed a hold of the story today, we’re going to write about it as well.

So yeah. Karen Gillan. Naked. A Doctor Who companion with no clothes on, like that woman who got naked with a Dalek that one time.

Badvertising: Hotel Derek Does It With Criminal Damage

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Badvertising likes nothing better than seeing the breakdown of an advertising executive portrayed through their adverts. It heartens us to see people so devoid of creative talent making adverts which are actually supposed to be designed to sell a service but leave the target audience feeling more bemused than Lindsay Lohan’s gynaecologist. The world needs more confused, off-message advertising but it won’t get it. Why, you ask? Oh… you didn’t…

The advertising world is filled with people so nefariously clever that they can make you suddenly decide that you need something you’ve previously never even considered, just by the power of suggestion through a stupid combination of words and moving images.

Sometimes it won’t hit you for weeks or even months but rest assured that it will hit you. One minute you’re in the queue at the post office and BANG! Next minute, you’ve bought a Saab and have no recollection of how you got to the showroom or paid for the thing.

Jesse Metcalfe Knackers Himself Up Something Proper

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Male stars of Desperate Housewives have to look danger in the eye every day – and by ‘danger’ we clearly mean ‘Teri Hatcher.’

For some people the danger goes as soon as they leave Desperate Housewives, but others aren’t so lucky. Take Jesse Metcalfe, for example. On Saturday night Jesse fell 40ft off a hotel balcony down two flights of stairs in Monaco, knocked himself unconscious and broke his leg – and his publicist is claiming that he’s lucky to be alive.

But, as horrific as the accident sounds, it’s impossible not to see the bright side of this. True, Jesse Metcalfe could have died or suffered horrible brain injuries in the fall, but on the plus side at least everyone knows who Jesse Metcalfe is again. Oh, come on, you know. Jesse Metcalfe. Tall boy. Used to be on Desperate Housewives. No? Fair enough.

Phil Spector’s Trial-Hotel To Sue Phil Spector At Trial

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

When Phil Spector needed a place to stay that wasn’t a prison, a jail, or a cot next to the furnace in a friend of a friend’s unfinished basement, The Westin Bonaventure kindly took him in, giving him something called ‘heavenly beds’ and possibly a continental breakfast.

But Spector (enter dark looming clouds) didn’t like bagels with cream cheese, small personal-size boxes of raisin bran or apples with tiny, brown, centimeter-deep puncture wounds on them. No, the continental breakfast definitely would not do. So maybe he ordered room service every single day instead.

Well whatever he did it looks like he was paying for extra of something – the hotel is currently suing him for $110,000 they claim he owes them. Will the hotel ever see this money? Probably not – but Spector’d no doubt be happy to throw in some unneeded “Wall of Sound” if that would help at all.

You know, the kind he used to toss around so freely circa 1970.