hospital - HecklerSpray

Rihanna Is Not Dating Ashton Kutcher, Stopping Advent Of World’s Most Ghoulish Couple

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Did you hear the one about Rihanna being romantically linked to Ashton Kutcher? If you didn’t, you’ve not been reading hecklerspray and, frankly, we hate you for that. There has been reports that the two were knocking their uglies together though.

A dreadful, honking notion, don’t you think?

Well, it seems RiRi isn’t letting The Kutch part her lips with his long, coyote-esque peen which is great news for Demi Moore who looked for all the world like she was going to top herself over the whole thing. So what does Ri have to say about it all?

Demi Moore Understandably Devastated By Ashton Kutcher And Rihanna Having It Off With Each Other

March 28th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

In what universe is it okay to see Ashton Kutcher and Rihanna in a relationship? Just how did we smite thee god, to end up with such a repugnant pair, followed closely by a broken Demi Moore?

This is what is happening according to reports and rumours.

The vapid Kutch is rumoured to be having a thing with the odious, wearisome faux-nymph Rihanna, which of course, is ruining Demi Moore who has been looking rather unhinged and fragile since Bruce Willis left her some time in 4,000BC.

Ashton Kutcher To Be Sent Into Space (Where He’ll Probably Get Killed By Alien)

March 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

He’s littered film, blighted television, ruined Demi Moore’s life and now Ashton Kutcher is ready to spoil the impossible, empty beauty of space by flying there in a special space-plane. What a berk.

The Two and a Half Men star has officially signed up to go into space with Virgin Galactic’s billionaire founder, Richard Branson.

It is thought that Branson secretly plans to eject Kutcher into the deep, dark void and watch him explode among the hanging orbs, waiting for Alien to come and stick its tail straight through his massive neck. Stephen Hawking will watch from a circling ‘spectator drone’.

Demi Moore Still Obviously Insane: She Wants Ashton Kutcher Back

March 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

If you’ve been keeping an eye on Demi Moore, then you’ll agree that she’s looked pretty unhinged since Bruce Willis left her engineering miracle of an arse. Dead behind the eyes, motionless face and of course, willingly humping Ashton Kutcher.

Recently, she had a breakdown of sorts and went to rehab after taking some recreationals in the fallout of Kutch having sex with a young woman in a hot tub. On his wedding anniversary to Demi.

So, while no-one really cares whether Moore pulls out of this funk, we have to show vague,?condescending concern about her because that’s what gossip rags are supposed to do. The honest among you will be tickled pink at the notion that she’s still completely fucking insane thanks to the rumour that she is gulpingly desperate to get Ashton back. Drugs eh?

Demi Moore Hates Cameron Diaz So Much, She Bans Her From A Party She Didn’t Even Go To

February 27th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Even though she’s apparently holed-up in some rehab or other, whacked off laughing gas and a potential eating disorder, that doesn’t mean Demi Moore hasn’t got the time to be a raving, controlling lunatic as well.

See, even though she wasn’t ever going to attend any Oscar parties this year, that didn’t stop her from reportedly banning?Cameron Diaz from Madonna’s annual Oscars soiree.

And why on Earth would she want to ban Cameron Diaz from a party she’s not attending? Well, ladies and gentleladies, it is all based around jealousy.

Demi Moore’s 911 Emergency Call Is Early Contender For Christmas No1

January 27th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Demi Moore’s suffering and being rushed to hospital after seizures from alleged narcotics, is simply not enough for us. The fact she’s so unhappy is fine and all, but we need more.

Like what?

We all need to hear her cry for help. It’s not good enough knowing that she was desperate – we need to hear EXACTLY how desperate she was. Of course, this also gives everyone the opportunity to overdub her pleas for help into a Hitler video or, indeed, remix it into the next hilariously autotuned dance-smash! That’s right folks! Her 911 call is getting released to the public!

Demi Moore Needs a Nap In Hospital Because She’s Probably About To Die

January 25th, 2012 By Euan L Davidson

You can't fault Demi Moore?s record. Some terrible, terrible films aside, some people forget that she put up with really, really Republican gunslinger Bruce Willis? penis for a considerable amount of time, before taking on Ashton Kutcher in his most elaborate ?Punk?d? episode so far.

Fresh from divorcing the ?Butterfly Effect?, um, star (well, he was in it), our Demi?s feeling a bit sleepy and has been admitted to hospital with exhaustion.

Moore, who has been in over 9 films since 2006 (so, 10), said through a psychic medium in third-person:?”Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.”

Heather Locklear Gets 911’d To Hospital: Invariably Prescription Drug Related

January 13th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Heather Locklear? Everyone used to fancy her in the olden days didn’t they? She was the muse for many a 90s teen masturbation and, boy howdy, she was the archetypal neutron blonde.

Alas, image is always temporary and as her vanity stood firm in the face of sliding features, she looked like she was losing her mind.

And to back that up, she was taken to the hospital yesterday after a 911 call was placed from her home. Is it drugs? It’s usually drugs isn’t it?

Jason Derulo Says His Own Name Then Promptly Breaks His Neck (Is There No End To His Talents?)

January 6th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Jassson Deruuulo. Yes. Jason Derulo has been forced to cancel his worldwide tour after fracturing his neck during rehearsals because he’s just so damn talented at repeating his own name and, y’know, being a massive raving secret lemonade drinker.

Jassson Deruuulo. That’s right. According to various reports, the not-at-all-closeted singing sensation was attempting some kind of acrobatic move when he landed directly on his neck and suffered an acute fracture of his vertebra.

Jassson Deruuulo. That’s not good is it? Unless you find people’s misfortune funny. Like we do.

Mariah Carey Posts Hilarious Photo Of Herself With Her Husband Nick Cannon In Hospital

January 4th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Mariah Carey isn’t a woman to retire from the limelight too readily. In fact, even in the case of her husband – Nick Cannon – being all drug-eyed and dripped in hospital, recovering from kidney failure, she still wants in on the action.

Sweet, sweet fantasy babeh.

That’s right! She’s snapped her poorly husband and leapt on the bed with him while he looks half-dead in a bobble-hat, unintentionally creating the finest photograph ever taken in human history. And yes, you can see it over the jump.