horror - HecklerSpray

The 9 Most Brainless Zombie Movies of All Time

October 12th, 2012 By Gavin Bard

The best zombie movies use the shambling reanimated corpses as allegories. George Romero, the father of the dead, used zombies to represent everything from racism to consumerism as well as demonstrating that the most dangerous thing to humanity is ourselves. Pretty powerful considering the antagonists are as silent as they are numerous.

The worst zombie movies, on the other hand, use zombies to represent capitalizing on a trend and making as much money as possible before writing off their losses when the tax man comes. The movies that go this route end up being as mindless and slow as their subject matter.

It is safe to say that there are far, far, far more examples of the latter than there are the former. This could have been the top ? just based on the SyFy channel alone.

GhostWatch: 20 Years Of Terror

August 7th, 2012 By Robin Darke

You would never think that a house in the suburbs of North London could provide so much unintentional terror, but from the very outset, BBC One?s GhostWatch provided more understated horror and genuine scares than million dollar directors have by rebooting the same old tired formats and cliched characters.

Oh look, I'm a minor cheerleader with big bazongas. I might as well book my bay in the morgue because I am so very dead, etc.

Lots of scary things were going on in 1992, when GhostWatch was first and only aired; the European Union was founded on February 1st, Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to life in prison and Sinead O?Connor tore up that picture of Pope John Paul II with that hair, but all of that didn't bother a quiet eight year old from North East England as he carelessly sat down to watch a little bit of TV with his parents before going to bed on Halloween night.

Loins Of Matt Smith And Daisy Lowe In Tatters As They Announce Tragic Split (Puns Available)

November 25th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

Damn it. DAMN IT. Daisy Lowe and Matt Smith have only gone and split up! And broken each other’s hearts and stopped putting aromatic lotions on each other! And frittered away 18 months of honing the beauty of a perfectly entwined soul that came as one when once their eyes first met at presumably a GQ event, but not that that matters, because minor details are futile when you think of the devotion and unity that two people can sha…

Okay, we’re faffing. Not the time to faff, clearly.

So, alright. This has happened. This has happened, and now we have to deal with it. Well, we know what you want. You want the official statement to try and understand why this has happened. ?WHY? Why NOW, so close to Christmas? ?Why now, so soon after the emotional minefield of Olly Murs’ Children in Need video?

Human Centipede 2 Takes An Amazing ?942 At Box Office

November 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ever woke up in the morning and thought to yourself “Hey! You know what I’d like to see today? A fat Northerner stapling someone’s mouth to an anus while jerking himself off with sandpaper!” Have you?

Then chances are, you’re Tom Six, the director of The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), and barely anyone else.

See, the film has taken a hilarious ?942 at the box office after opening in the UK last weekend. Basically, no-one wants to see it AND pay for it. We suspect that it has been streamed and downloaded online (uncut) more times than anyone settling down in a cheese smelling cinema has.

Paranormal Activity III Has Premiere In Big Brother House & No-One Famous Turns Up

October 20th, 2011 By Michael Park

Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5’s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.

And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.

It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.

Stephen King Unveils The Shining 2: Electric Boogaloo

October 18th, 2011 By Robin Darke

Sometimes a book is so seminal that any talk of a sequel is shot down in a series of fan-based derogatory comments about the author wanting to suck on someone?s nipples or wanking at the altar of capitalist pigs.

As Enid Blyton could testify to if she were here today. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they are the worst thing since bread came brown.

Well Stephen King, him what wrote all those famous horror books, has unveiled a chapter of his upcoming sequel to The Shining. As we all know, The Shining is the one with the little boy who has powers, not the one with the girl who loses her loaf when she gets her first period. Or the one with the killer car.

Sneak Preview Of The Human Centipede 2 (Free Poster Inside!)

October 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

It’s time for the release of Human Centipede 2! Hurray! How we love a romantic comedy about a crazy copycat torturer and self-pleasuring yourself with stuff purloined from the tool box while being shouted at by your mum!

Is Hugh Grant in it?

Anyway, as the film is getting shown (States only thus far, but Limey won’t have long to wait, don’t fret) and such, so we thought we’d give you some teasers in the shape of some stills from the film (they’re very pleasant) and the promotional poster (tastefully minging) for you to gawp at. Ready?

The Human Centipede 2 Gets A Classification – Now A RomCom

October 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey divs! Great news! The romantic comedy, The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence, has been given a British Board of Film Classification today! How amazing is that? That means… well… you’ll illegally download it anyway as you’ll want to see all the nasty (funny) bits they hacked out.

Tom Six?s film – which to be perfectly honest, looks hilarious. A horror film set in the North of England with lousy acting? SIGN US UP! – has been given an 18 certificate, which means it can now be legally sold in the UK.

Of course, the BBFC had previously rejected the film, stating: “it is the Board?s conclusion that the explicit presentation of the central character?s obsessive sexually violent fantasies is in breach of its Classification Guidelines and poses a real, as opposed to a fanciful, risk that harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers.? The BBFC also considered that The Human Centipede 2 may have even been in breach of the Obscene Publications Act or similar legislation.”

Yeah, right.

AARGH! Small Terrifying Child Sings Nicki Minaj In Puke Inducing Video!

October 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Kids do the sweetest things don’t they? They vomit over their food, which they continue to eat; they poo in their pants; they waddle around like little drunks forming crystallised snot moustaches while demanding every single second of your increasingly worthless time.

All together now – AAAAWWWWWWW

However, some parents aren’t sated with such activities. They want to push their children into becoming performing monkeys so they can look at the other, blissfully stupid children running around with glorious abandon and think “Gah. My kid will be famous while these idiots will still be in short pants.” And we’ve got one here… and Jesus, Joseph and Mary, she’s a little precocious horror. That’s right, she’s singing Nicki Minaj’s ‘Super Bass’ with the raps and gyrating moves.

Movies From Beyond: Cannibal Cars And Flying Zombies!

August 7th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Welcome once again, to ?Movies From Beyond? your weekly celebration of the good, the bad and the ugly of films! We love horror and gore and all things drenched in blood and can only assume you're the same, so sit back and relax, oh, and feel free to use the sick bags?

As a rule we like films set on planes; (?Redeye? and ?Snakes on a Plane?) and we REALLY like horror movies set on planes.

So imagine our delight when we got our sweaty little paws on the recently released ?Quarantine 2? which combines air travel and zombies in a blood drenched spectacular we haven't seen the likes of since ?Flight of the Living Dead? dragged it's rotting corpse through passport control.