Hollywood is stupid and filled with stupid people. Basically, actors strive to hone their art all their lives to deliver realistic and devastating portrayals of real people… real people they’ve not had to deal with for many years… and shed their personality to morph into someone else.

And for what? Well, aside from the millions they get paid, it seems to be all in the name of getting your name written on the floor. How magical!

The latest thesp to get their name situated in a place where dogs can shit on it is Gwyneth Paltrow who now has her name on a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

Of course, like all awards, there were people on hand to gush like a pensioner during a prolonged sneezing fit.

Shana Feste, director of Paltrow’s latest movie Country Strong, was on hand to writhe around like a pig in shit:

“[Paltrow is] a strange acting alien… created to perform”.

“You could be having the most mundane conversation about the weather, and she hears the word ‘action’, and she would deliver the most nuanced, layered, heartbreakingly beautiful scene and look at you like she just tied her shoe.”

And now, people will be able to tie their shoes while stood on her name! How bloody brilliant.

There’s more good news for Gwyneth’s CV. She’s been asked to appear on Glee again.

She’s played substitute teacher Holly Holiday (a Boney M fan then?) in high school singathon and could be seen singing Cee Lo’s ‘Forget You’ (the most irritating song of 2010) as well as a mash-up of ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ and Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’.

In her next performances, she’ll be singing ‘I Stab People’ by Insane Clown Posse and Carcass’s ‘Vomited Anal Tract’. You read it here first.

Meanwhile, her husband is threatening to ruin everything forever with the promise of a Coldplay concept album. Apparently, sales of strong rope and weak chairs have rocketed.

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When Hecklerspray finally leaves this mortal realm it’ll probably be in a hail of gunfire as we bravely rescue babies from poor people who can’t afford them anyway.

Strange they could afford all those bullets though.

Still, don’t call us heroes. It’s not anything you wouldn’t do if put in the same situation. Unless of course you wouldn’t – in which case we’d be totally fine with the ‘hero’ tag. In fact, you can even build us a monument.

Get us one better than George Harrison‘s though, won’t you? We couldn’t bear to see our sweet memory trampled so callously under-foot.

When 15-year-old George Harrison first conceived the Beatles as he sat dressed in a hooded cloak by candle light in a dark room covered in pentagrams and decapitated cats, he probably had no idea what an influence his band would become. Aside from Eddie Vedder‘s solo projects, the music he and his friends would eventually make would touch every musical group spawned after it.

And darn it all it’s about time the world took notice. Harrison has recently received a posthumous star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Although his corpse was dragged out for the mandatory photo-op, it said nothing indicating any level of gratitude. This is acceptable only because he’s dead.

MSNBC tells us about the exciting day:

“Hundreds of George Harrison’s biggest fans and best friends, including Paul McCartney and Tom Petty, turned out Tuesday to see a posthumous star for the quiet Beatle unveiled during a raucous celebration on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Fellow former Beatle McCartney stood next to Harrison’s widow, Olivia, and son, Dhani, as the star was unveiled in front of the landmark Capitol Records building.”

Harrison died of lung cancer in 2001, and some argue it may have been for the best that he not live to see Paul McCartney marry and divorce a one legged banshee, Ringo Starr begin to passionately hate all his fans, or Phil Spector looking small under a wig as he gets dragged off to prison for the rest of time and eternity.

We barely lived through all that ourselves – and we’re not even sick or anything. We can’t imagine what that kind of turmoil would have done to Harrison’s already weak heart. Or lungs.

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In one thousand years nobody will even know we were here.

This depresses us greatly, and fuels our determination to freeze ourselves so that when the time comes, we can tell people exactly who we were. Before we can do that, though, we have to find a place to put our ice cube trays and figure out how to shut the upper compartment freezer-door with us inside it.

Not everyone has to worry about such things though – 25 new superstars have just been listed as the ones about to get their names on a Hollywood Walk of Fame slot. At least one of them is a cartoon. How does that make you feel? In 1000 years you will be nothing but dust blowing through the stratosphere, and Tinkerbell will still be a fairly regular topic of California-conversation.

Oh, this is gonna be a hard day.

In the movie business there are a few occasions where, if you get to experience them, you know you made it. One such occasion is if you're doing late-night stand up and Johnny Carson's zombie-corpse calls you over to the couch.

Another way to know you made it is that while sitting on Carson's couch, he doesn't try to eat you – after all it's only respect that restrains him.

A third way to know is if you get you're name emblazoned on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It's just been announced that 25 new celebrities are gonna get the treatment. According to Reuters:

"Cartoon character Tinkerbell, singer Shakira and "Iron Man" Robert Downey Jr. and actress Cameron Diaz were among a diverse group of 25 stars named on Thursday to join the Hollywood Walk of Fame…Others on the list include director Tim Burton, and actors Sir Ben Kingsley, William H. Macy and Hugh Jackman. Among the television stars are Macy's wife, Felicity Huffman, producer Mark Burnett and music stars include Kenny "Baby Face" Edmonds and disco-era band The Village People."

Well that's a lot of people listed there, but it certainly isn't 25. Others we'd like to see so-honored in 2009 are Bill Bixby.

Just him actually. He was the greatest actor of all time. When his shirts ripped off, we could see in his face what that actually must have felt like. When he had to help hide his Uncle's Martian head-antennas, we always wanted to help hold the hat in place.

Also his name has that cool double-b sound to it. Go on, say it a few times, Bill Bixby. Bill Bixby. Bill Bixby.

To read more, see "Walk of Fame Says Chimp's a Chump!" on TMZ