Holly Madison - HecklerSpray

There Is Nothing Kim Kardashian Won’t Put In Her Mouth

June 4th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

Kim Kardashian is willing to try pretty much anything to keep herself looking youthful, she’s even injected her own blood into her cheeks in a bid to stop all her 32 years ingraining themselves on her face. Which is actually pretty tame compared to her latest plan to eat her own afterbirth on toast.?

OK, so the ‘on toast’ might be a bit of a stretch, she’ll probably be avoiding carbs in all their forms after she squeezes baby Kanyette out. But nonetheless, on Sunday’s episode of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’, Kim reminds everyone that her beauty regime still takes precedence over the miniature human (who is apparently female) growing inside of her, by asking her family doctor if it’s true that eating placenta makes you look younger.

Holly Madison Insures Her Lady Lumps For $1 Million

September 30th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If you've ever been told to stop making a boob of yourself, then usually you're doing something stupid like stirring a cup of coffee with your wang. Just us? Anyway, in the case of Holly Madison, if she didn't have her busters, her income would dry up faster than a cream-cracker in the Mojave Desert.

When Holly was growing up, she didn't want to be a doctor. Instead, her dream was to walk around in hardly any clothing whilst her employee Hugh Hefner furiously rubbed his thighs so much that his shrivelled love stick would get a friction burn.

Unless she has a fetish for pensioners, Holly Madison was one of Hefner?s many paid girlfriends, but now she’s free from wrinkled clutches, she’s being her own woman! Sadly, feminists will be dismayed to hear that she still requires her chest to get through life and has just taken out an insurance plan on her knockers.

Now Kendra Wilkinson Breaks Hugh Hefner’s Mangy Old Heart

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends are fleeing at an amazing rate – it’s almost as if withered octogenarians aren’t sexy any more, isn’t it.

First Hugh Hefner’s heart was broken by the loss of his number one girlfriend Holly Madison, who made the somewhat perplexing decision to run off with a rubbish emo magician. And now one of his other girlfriends – the equally generic titty model Kendra Wilkinson – has decided to leave Hugh Hefner and get engaged to an American football player as well.

Although Hugh Hefner seems to remain on good terms with Kendra Wilkinson, this news must have nevertheless bruised him quite badly. After all, it’s hardly as if Hugh Hefner lives in a great big house stuffed full of identical booby halfwits all willing to have gruesome, underwhelming sex with a frail 82-year-man just because they’ll probably get a minor role on a crappy reality TV show out of it, is it? Oh.

Hugh Hefner ‘High Maintenance’ Says Fake-Blonde Nudey Bimbo

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

When Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison split up, it darn-near destroyed our belief in relationships between people with a 54-year age gap.

It hasn’t, of course – which is why we’ve still got the horn for Fidel Castro – but it did come close. For the life of us, we couldn’t work out why the pretty young topless model Playmate Holly Madison split up with a wrinkled old almost-dead pensioner like Hugh Hefner.

And now we know. Speaking about the split, Holly Madison has said that she ended things with Hugh Hefner because he was so ‘high maintenance’. And, coming from a woman who looks like she needs six hours each morning to paint herself exactly the right shade of orange transvestite, that must be really saying something.

Criss Angel Pulls A Playboy Bunny Out Of His Pants

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Now we know why Holly Madison dumped Hugh Hefner – he didn’t dress enough like a Poundstretcher My Chemical Romance.

But you know who does? Criss Angel, the magician who’d be just like David Blaine if only David Blaine a) did magic tricks any more and b) constantly walked around in clothes that made him look like an emo weekend dad having a chronic mid-life crisis regardless of how much of a ridiculous tithole everyone thinks he is.

But Criss Angel must be doing something right, because he’s Holly Madison’s new boyfriend. Word has it that Criss Angel ensnared Madison by performing a number of magic tricks that Hugh Hefner could never do, like running up the stairs, doing the Can-Can and getting an erection unaided. But can Criss Angel doze off in an armchair in the afternoon while doing some gentle Sudoku? No he can’t – Hefner will always have that.

Hugh Hefner Splits Up With Generic Blonde Booby-Model

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Good news, girls – Hugh Hefner, the richest, sexiest, most prolifically sleazy frail old doddery 82-year-old man on Earth, is single again.

Apparently Hugh Hefner has been dumped his number one girlfriend Holly Madison – a woman 54 years younger than him who looks like she was reared in a battery-farm for titty bimbos – and all because Hugh refused to marry her.

Touchingly, Hugh Hefner seems quite sad about the split. There’s no need for him to be – after all, he shouldn’t forget the old saying ‘there are plenty more opportunistic young women who’ve mutilated their bodies for the sake of beauty that are willing to fellate a very old man even though it clearly disgusts them on the off-chance that he’ll write them into his will and make them rich when he dies’. Um, ‘in the sea’.