What’s the fashion world’s problem with Jews? Seriously. John Galliano recently went nutso about our Jewish cousins, and now, people are accusing the ghost of Coco Chanel of being a massive Jew hater.

See, there’s this book out which points at the fashion legend while mouthing the words “Nazi sympathiser”.

In fact, it’s suggested that she wasn’t so much sympathetic, but actually a proper Nazi, collaborating with them during World War II as a spy code-named “Westminster.” So that means, by our reckoning, that if you have Chanel anything, you may as well go and defecate in a Synagogue during Shabbat.

In some book, which no-one will bother reading because we all prefer looking at pervy .gifs on various Tumblrs, called ‘Sleeping With The Enemy: Coco Chanel’s Secret War’, some fella called Hal Vaughan claims that Coco was a Nazi spy while sucking off a German officer called Hans Gunther von Dincklage.

Hur. Dincklage.

In this book, it is claimed that  Chanel was deeply anti-Semitic:

“Chanel was more than just a Nazi sympathizer and collaborator. She was a numbered Nazi agent working for Abwehr, Germany’s military intelligence agency”

Chanel had an Abwehr agent number apparently. F-7124, codename “Westminster”, should you want to know/name your rubbish indie band after something vaguely edgy ironic.

Of course, the Chanel fashion house (or should that be ‘Haus’?) is trying to pour cold water all over these claims by shouting ‘BUT SOME OF HER FRIENDS WERE JEWISH, SILLY!’

They might as well say ‘Yes. She’s as racist as they come’. It’s also worth pointing out that the Nazi’s really did have very well tailored suits too.

So if you have anything by Chanel or, indeed, any clothes which may have been even slightly influenced by her work, then you can hand yourself into the anti-Semitic police, you terrible, terrible Jew loathing ogres.

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We’re more scared of lawyers than we are of spiders – so we’re going to tread carefully, all the while shrieking and flapping like a bunch of hysterical women if any of us sees an actual spider. It’s being reported that the wandering lady garden of Megan Fox bad touched Shia LaBeouf for a whole six months while they were filming together. And, it’s further alleged it’s ruining Megan’s marriage.

Backing up a little, for clarity and because someone needs to hoover under our feet, their tryst first began on the set of Alien Robots Smash Things.

It would appear, at the behest of director Michael Bay, the 20-somethings pretended to fancy each other and that turned into sleeping together.

So, Michael’s the king of our robot overlords and a pimp. Huh? Okay. The guy who may or may not be a pimp pushed them together and somewhere in there everyone forgot she had a boyfriend. Maybe. No one seems to be sure. Asked whether he was the other man in a relationship that’s now spanned six years, he stuttered and gave a blithe, non-committal retort.

In all likelihood, Fox was on a Ross and Rachel break in which sleepovers were allowed as long as there’s no kissing. So, that was what she did. And Shia blabbed because he’s no gentleman.

Megan’s not really talking to the press about this. However, multiple, excitable sources are speaking on her behalf. And they’re emoting all over the place.

OK! Magazine reports that Megan and Brian are desperately trying to save their marriage. “He has really upset Megan and Brian,” a close source explains. “They went through an incredibly rocky period when she and Shia were filming Transofmers: Revenge of the Fallen…having Shia run his mouth now and brag about sleeping with Megan is awful for them.” Though was it really cheating? “…technically [Megan] didn’t do anything wrong since they were on break. [Still], they are so angry at Shia.”

Megan’s really, really, upset that she got caught. Because, frankly, with a daily side of extra penis, that would be the only reason to be sad.

This was the last ever guest post by Amy Grindhouse, which is terrible, terrible news… but then again, it really is her own fault for her continual sexual advances toward the rest of Team Spray.

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Y’know Rosie Huntington-Whiteley? Of course you don’t… unless you’re 13 years old and have your member in your hand. For the grown-ups among you, she’s the new ‘piece’ in the woeful Transformers film. She’s the woman who has stepped into Megan Fox’s thong.

Looking at her, you can see she’s all neck and lips, very much the human form of Oblina from Aaah! Real Monsters. This, naturally, means that she’s a woman lusted after by the entire world (who doesn’t like a woman who is essentially a thin cylinder with a haircut?) and can have her pick of the eligible bachelors.

So who has she got her heart set on? Some dashing Hollywood dunderhead? Some corned-beef brained NFL player with arms wider than Ed Milliband’s vocabulary? NOPE. She’s wanting some of that Blue Blood in her system as she eyes up Prince Harry for nefarious night-time activities.

The betitted-bombshell of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, has revealed that Prince Harry is her ideal man, which makes James Hewitt her perfect father-in-law, right? Seeing as he was ‘Gentleman Jim’ on ITV’s oft-overlooked masterpiece ‘Celebrity Wrestling’, it isn’t surprising she wants in with that lot.

Wait. Prince Charles is Harry’s dad. That’s right. Sorry, we get our Royal connections very, very confused (happy now ‘spray lawyers? Honestly. You can’t joke about anything now! Wait ’til we write about your dealings with a Tunisian ‘masseur’, y’big gits).

If Prince Hazeem wants to pop his regal beagle into Huntington-Whiteley’s front-garden, he’s going to have to fight off Jason Statham who is currently knocking his uglies with the model.

Rosie says:

“I’m waiting for my proposal.I keep writing. I think he knows how obsessed I am. Well, he does now. He’s so handsome.”

Let us now arrange a fight to the death between Statham and Harry as they both bid for the heart of RHW, okay? Get it televised on a PPV and we’ll wipe the national debt with the funds raised from it. That or, of course, Harry could call on some favours from his family’s shadowy cabal and they could just bump Statham off in a Paris tunnel.

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Are you a teenager? Chances are you fancy Megan Fox then. She’s effectively an alt.fancy piece as designed on a computer game by young men yet to touch the flesh of another woman, aside from the girls they kinda fancy who they keep punching in the schoolyard.

No right minded adult would lust over Fox because she possesses all the sexual allure of a mop.

Still, that didn’t stop Shia LaBeouf who has admitted that he hooked up with Megan while they were making the Transformers films (read our Transformers 3 review here). Better still, she was probably attached to her now-husband Brian Austin Green at the time.

LaBeouf explains, like a true gent:

“Look, you’re on the set for six months, with someone who’s rooting to be attracted to you, and you’re rooting to be attracted to them.”

“I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen.”

You could? Really? While she stood motionless and pouting at thin air? Even so, wasn’t she spoken for at the time?

He says (and this isn’t made up):

“I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. It was what it was.”

So that’d be a yes then. Or, possibly, it didn’t happen at all and it is all just a device to stir up interest in Transformers 3. Of course, Fox has been replaced in the film after making comments about Nazis, which is an impressively dumb thing to do in Hollywood.

Now we can all speculate about Shia sticking his Beouf in new Transformer totty Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

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Right lets cut to the chase, Transformers: Dark of the Moon has a crap script and the acting is, for lack of a better word, shit. Sorry Michael, but bear with us because you come off good in the end…

It’s still got those bloody parents in it, it’s rife with dodgy racial stereotyping, the irritating shitty robots who do nothing but make lame jokes, penis references and Patrick Dempsey. Trust us – the list goes on!

Frankly it’s difficult to understand why scriptwriter Ehren Kruger is even working on Transformers still, having failed so miserably with the last film. Worst still, despite getting rid of Megan Fox, director Michael Bay has seemingly opted for yet another hottie with zero acting skills in the form of Rosie Huntington-Whitley who seems to spend more time pouting and looking dead to the world than actually contributing to the bloody film. For a director with such a skill at creating visual feasts for the eyes, he sure is ignorant when it comes to the storytelling behind a film… but this is an brilliant film, right?

See, this is Michael Bay. By his very definition he’s inherently dumb-downed, misogynistic and crass. He’s been doing it for years and we’ve been lapping it up from the very moment Bad Boys came out. Honestly, after all the hype, photos, trailers and feature articles before Transformers release you’d think that just one person might have cottoned onto the fact he was going to do the same god damn thing he always does.

Yet even now critics are already lining up to lament Transformers for not delivering something we should all know full well by now that Bay can’t deliver, let alone when the main characters are robots with laser cannons for arms.

So just this once, let us say bollocks to scripts, acting and the character development, because if that’s your thing then bugger off and go rent a James MacAvoy film.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon is spectacle cinema at its very finest. You’re not meant to sit up and pay attention, you’re meant to put banality aside and let the sheer ridiculousness of the mayhem and carnage wash over you.

Sure, as we’ve mentioned the script is crap, but admittedly it has its plus points too, with far more audience laughs than personal groans.

Equally the film manages to bring on board more Transformer characters than ever before and give a good account of them, where other blockbusters have failed seemingly failed (See Spiderman 3, Iron Man 2, et al.). If, as many would have you believe, this is to be the final film in the series, it sure is a hell of a way to round off the trilogy and, as always, with some breathtaking action set pieces.

Those wondering whether or not to opt in for the 3D experience definitely should. Unlike the sad gimmicky trash demonstrated in Pirates of the Caribbean or Alice in Wonderland, Transformers instead goes for more of an Avatar based use of 3D technology, providing more of an immersive layered effect (no goofy swords or pikes sticking out the screen here).

Additionally, if none of that made sense, then just stop being cheapskate and pay the extra few quid and you’ll thank us later because it’s one of the few times we’re going to endorse the cash cow that is 3D cinema.

The film isn’t perfect and anyone expecting it to be might as well sling their hook now. Transformers aimed to be bigger, bolder and more explosive than it’s predecessors and it accomplished it in spades… but if you can’t get past the fact Michael Bay is a crap storyteller, then you might as well not buy a ticket in the first place.

Dumb. Furious. Things go bang. Ace.

This review was a guest post by James Wright who, after watching Transformers 3, decided to graft metal appendages about his person in an attempt to look like Rodimus Prime. He’s now considered ‘stable’ in the toxic poisoning ward and accepting grapes and bongo mags.

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Oh dear. What’s a really stupid thing for an actor to do? Well, anti-Semitic comments haven’t ever really helped anyone and slagging off incredibly influential directors is almost certainly a dumb thing to do.

And now, hilariously. Megan Fox is going to find out just what happens when you do both of the above after she compared her boss to Hitler.

It appears that Spielberg didn’t take kindly having someone mouthing off about Hitler who, y’know, oversaw the killing of quite a few Jews, probably including a number of Spielberg’s family. As such, Stevie boy saw to it that Fox lost some lucrative acting work. What with her being one of the most amazing actors we’ve ever seen, this will no doubt be a crushing blow to her CV.

You may well know that Fox was dumped from the new Transformers movie in favour of British model Rosie Huntingdon-Whitley. Megan has been tottering around saying that she didn’t want to be in the third of the series because she wanted to pursue other acting opportunities. It would be awful if she got typecast as little more than an object of lust for 13 year old boys.

Alas, it transpires that Transformers 3 director Michael was told to get rid of Fox after she made her Hitler comment. He said:

“You know the Hitler thing. Steven (Spielberg) said fire her right now.”

That’s because Spielberg is the producer of the film and he saw that Fox, in an interview, said that Bay was…

“like Hitler on his sets”

Of course, Fox’s amazing acting prowess is such that she feels she can say things like that, despite the fact that her colleagues on-set compared her ability to that of a porn star. In one open letter, a crew member wrote:

“Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses’ life… he told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelina is a professional. We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies.”

So she’ll be sorely missed by the cast and crew then? And now Steven Spielberg hates her. Oh well, at least she’ll continue to get work from gloss wank-mags, eh?

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If Mel Gibson has proved anything, it’s that you’re never more famous than when you’re being racially insensitive.

And don’t think that Oliver Stone hasn’t noticed. He’s been watching Mel’s rising profile with jealous eyes, waiting for an opportunity to leap in and blurt out a regrettable statement of his own. But which group could Oliver Stone target? Gibson’s already claimed blacks and Mexicans, so not them. And not Islamic fundamentalists either. He’s not mental, after all. So who does that leave? Scandinavians? Confucianists? Jews?

Ah, yes. Jews. Perfect. So, to cut a long story short, Oliver Stone has decided to use an interview to say that Jewish people didn’t really do that badly in World War II compared to the Russians. Aaaaand commence moral outrage.

Honestly, what a gigantic let-down Oliver Stone is. When we heard that he’d been accused of anti-Semitism following some comments made to a newspaper, we had hoped that we’d be in for something along the lines of Mel Gibson’s famous rant. You know, something vague and drunk and peppered with threats of physical violence and bookended with a charming Sugartit or two.

But oh no, Oliver Stone had to make his comments sober, didn’t he? And to a journalist instead of a police officer. And ground them in historical research. And without even a single trace of Sugartit. Oliver Stone, you will never know how heartbroken we are.

Anyway, here’s what Oliver Stone actually said, according to the New York Times:

“Hitler was a Frankenstein, but there was also a Dr. Frankenstein,” he said. “German industrialists, the Americans and the British. He had a lot of support. Hitler did far more damage to the Russians than the Jewish people.” Mr. Stone then proceeded to discuss what he called “the Jewish domination of the media,” adding with an expletive that Israel had messed up “United States foreign policy for years.”

Needless to say, in the wake of this, the American Jewish Association declared Oliver Stone to be an anti-Semite. Which sounds bad, but he’s been called worse. By us. About halfway through Alexander. When we lost all feeling in our legs and realised that there were still two more hours to go. We didn’t tell it to his face – we actually screamed it into our fists – but he probably got the message. Incidentally, Stone has now apologised for the comments, saying:

“In trying to make a broader historical point about the range of atrocities the Germans committed against many people, I made a clumsy association about the Holocaust, for which I am sorry and I regret.”

Still, since this post contains the phrases ‘Oliver Stone’, ‘Hitler’ and ‘Israel’, we look forward to the inevitable flood of paranoid, confused-seeming comments from people who’ve set up a series of Google alerts purely to make themselves furious. Do your worst, you adorable lunatics.

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10 – The song that Will Ferrell nearly performed at the American Idol finale - Funnyordie

9 - You know that Octomom porno movie? Here’s the poster, and somewhat inevitable name – Bestweekever

8 – For some reason, the headline of this article made us scared to go outside – Livescience

7 – Look, it’s Hitler as a baby. No, really, it’s Hitler as a baby – Amphetamines

6 - 10 facts about orgasms - TED

5 - This clock is cool, so long as a) you’re old and b) you didn’t have many friends as a child – Flickr

4 - Things you shouldn’t read if you’re going skydiving with your little brother on Sunday, number one - ABC

3 - Some prissy little orders to JJ Abrams for inclusion in Star Trek 2 – Movieretriever

2 - So you’re a professional cheese carver. What do you look like? Your first guess was correct - YouTube

1 - This is currently one of the most-watched videos on YouTube. We hate the internet…

Madonna may not be savvy when it comes to making albums, movies or a 100% kernel sweeping bite down any given piece of corn on the cob, but when it comes to political opinion she is a shining beacon shooting her vibrant rays through the midst of a turbulent sea.

Yes, America needs her, which is ironic since she hasn’t been American since she made that one video and got chased out of the country by a mob of very angry evangelicals. Now she’s British or something, and lives in a land where she is free to practise her religious views of making love to sacred statues.

She’s like a pilgrim that way.

You see, stateside the people are on the brink of a vital decision. Without Madonna’s intervention the masses may go to the ballot-box and blindly check that accursed Republican box. That’s the same ticket Hitler ran on, if her recent concert footage is accurate.

If recent information that hecklerspray has received turns out to be true, Madonna’s boy Rocco was actually conceived when she did it with a Buddha statue. If other information is true, Republican presidential nominee John McCain is personally responsible for ruthlessly slaughtering six million Jews during WWII for no reason other than ethnicity.

He was also the one-man brain-trust behind the murder of pretty much the entire Ndebele tribe deep in the wilds of Zimbabwe. Also, he intentionally caused Hurricane Katrina with a strategically placed leaf blower deep in the Mexican Gulf. The bottom line here is that McCain is clearly a Satanist, and if he gets elected it’ll cause a worldwide goat, chicken and cat shortage.

This would be quite detrimental to smaller countries with economies based on those three things. Like Canada.

Madonna offers concrete evidence of every single one of those allegations. The New York Post sums things up:

Madonna kicked off her Sticky & Sweet Tour on Saturday night at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales. The BBC reported that the two-hour show took a political turn when, in a lead-in to a remixed version of Like a Prayer, a video sequence showed flashing images of destruction followed by pictures of Hitler, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and then Senator John McCain.

Senator Barack Obama popped up in another video interlude, but his montage included Gandhi, John Lennon and Al Gore.”

In a courtroom, with all of that properly presented, McCain would already be serving a life sentence. Of course that courtroom would have to be in Salem, Massachusetts several hundred years ago, but you see what we mean.

Thank you Madonna. Also, thanks for reminding us that Al Gore is akin unto Gandhi. All this time we thought the similarities ended with the loin cloths.

Despite what you probably think, Will Smith isn't a Nazi. And he certainly doesn't have an Adolf Hitler poster on his bedroom wall that he strokes before he goes to sleep.

That's a stone cold fact. Will Smith legally doesn't have an embarrassing schoolboy infatuation with Adolf Hitler, and if you say he does he'll sue you. And win.

Will Smith has won damages after a news agency ran an article called Smith: Hitler Was A Good Person last year. Great news – by suing, Will Smith has not only fixed a weird misapprehension about his beliefs, but he's also effectively ruled out the rumoured Will Smith Adolf Hitler biopic. Thank god – we're pretty sure the world can live without a rap-lite movie theme-tune containing the phrase 'Indomitable Fuhrer' repeated several times in the chorus.

Some say that Will Smith is the biggest movie star in the world. That's probably true, because his movies always break records and top box offices no matter how brain-damagingly dreadful they are. But even though there are tens of up-and-coming actors waiting to take his place – like Shia LaBeouf and, um, look, let's just pretend that others exist, OK? – Will Smith has decided to use now to speak out on a range on crackpot subjects.

Will Smith giving an endorsement to Scientology and then following it up by handing out Scientology audit passes as wrap gifts on his newest movie set off a few alarms. But then again, if alarms don't go off when a man chronically compelled to only make films about himself saving the world decides to align himself with a faith that believes humans were created when a monster dropped an atom bomb into a volcano. And, clearly, once you've let Scientology into your life, the next logical step is Nazism.

Tom Cruise has done it – his next movie is all about the Nazis. John Travolta is doing it – his next movie is called Look Who's Talking About Exterminating All The Jews – and we heard unsubstantiated rumours about Kirstie Alley eating a colossal swastika burrito formation once, too. But Will Smith? Nazis? Surely he wouldn't be so foolish.

Well, yes and no. In an interview for a Scottish newspaper last year, Will Smith vaguely touched on the subject that Adolf Hitler probably didn't see himself as the most evil man in history all the time, which was regurgitated around the world as headlines like Will Smith Thinks Hitler Is Brilliant, Will Smith Wishes That His Own Father Was More Like Hitler and Will Smith Wants To Exhume Hitler's Corpse, Dress Him Up All Pretty And Kiss Him On The Mouth. Or, more accurately, WENN's Smith: Hitler Was A Good Person.

And Will Smith, alarmed at the deliberate misrepresentation, sued WENN. And now he's won, as The Telegraph reports:

The Hollywood actor Will Smith has received a public apology and damages in the High Court in London over allegations he thought Adolf Hitler was "a good person". Smith, one of the film industry's highest paid stars, was "deeply distressed" after World Entertainment News Network (WENN) published an article last year under the headline "Smith: Hitler was a good person", the High Court heard. Smith's solicitor, Rachel Atkins, said the Men In Black star was wholly misrepresented in his comments and, contrary to the report, "believes that Adolf Hitler was a vile and heinous man".

This ordeal over, Will Smith can now relax in the knowledge that nobody really thinks he has a secret fondness for berserkoid dictators with unlimited power and dangerously unstable egos who are hell-bent on making the world a living misery for all of its inhabitants.

So he'll probably need to get out of the movie business, then.

Read more:

Will Smith wins damages over 'Hitler was good' slur - Telegraph