Articles tagged with: hit and run
Britney Spears Trial Dies Of Boredom
We'd just like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who'd emotionally invested in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. If this is the case we'd like to make a two-part apology. 1) We're sorry you're an idiot and 2) you've obviously wasted your time, because not even anyone involved in the Britney Spears hit and run trial had any emotional investment in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. Yesterday, after the jurors took twice as long as the length of the trial itself to decide that they didn't know if Britney Spears was guilty of hit and run or not, the judge officially called a mistrial. What's more, nobody can be bothered to go through a retrial, so Britney Spears is in the clear. Don't get us wrong - everyone wanted a retrial, but they had more urgent things to do, like repeatedly bashing their head on a desk and weeping.
We'd just like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who'd emotionally invested in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. If this is the case we'd like to make a two-part apology. 1) We're sorry you're an idiot and 2) you've obviously wasted your time, because not even anyone involved in the Britney Spears hit and run trial had any emotional investment in the Britney Spears hit and run trial. Yesterday, after the jurors took twice as long as the length of the trial itself to decide that they didn't know if Britney Spears was guilty of hit and run or not, the judge officially called a mistrial. What's more, nobody can be bothered to go through a retrial, so Britney Spears is in the clear. Don't get us wrong - everyone wanted a retrial, but they had more urgent things to do, like repeatedly bashing their head on a desk and weeping.
Britney Spears Is Innocent! Or Guilty! Nobody Really Knows!
Were you worried that this Britney Spears hit and run trial was going to run so smoothly that it wouldn't make a mockery of just about everything? You were? Well relax. This is Britney Spears we're talking about - a woman who'd have trouble boiling an egg without ending up in a mental hospital because she'd had a hysterical breakdown and attempted to dip one of her own son's ankles into the water halfway through - so of course it hasn't gone smoothly. In fact, the Britney Spears hit and run trial has managed to foul itself right up, with the jury completely unable to decide if Britney is guilty or not after four separate votes. Oh, if only Britney Spears' was charged with being the adorably kooky queen of American pop, it'd be much easier to reach a unanimous guilty verdict. In fact, she'd be so guilty that we'd probably have to sentence her to the electric chair. That sweet, sweet electric chair.
Were you worried that this Britney Spears hit and run trial was going to run so smoothly that it wouldn't make a mockery of just about everything? You were? Well relax. This is Britney Spears we're talking about - a woman who'd have trouble boiling an egg without ending up in a mental hospital because she'd had a hysterical breakdown and attempted to dip one of her own son's ankles into the water halfway through - so of course it hasn't gone smoothly. In fact, the Britney Spears hit and run trial has managed to foul itself right up, with the jury completely unable to decide if Britney is guilty or not after four separate votes. Oh, if only Britney Spears' was charged with being the adorably kooky queen of American pop, it'd be much easier to reach a unanimous guilty verdict. In fact, she'd be so guilty that we'd probably have to sentence her to the electric chair. That sweet, sweet electric chair.
Britney Spears’ Boring Pointless Trial Goes To Jury
It's weird now, isn't it, that Britney Spears has got hair and speaks in sentences rather than paranoid garbled shrieks. In fact, we miss the old red-eyed, crazy British-accented Britney Spears who was allowed to stumble around everywhere followed by a pack of screaming paparazzi. And that's why we're clinging to the last remnant of that era as hard as we can - Britney Spears' hit and run trial. Even though it's plainly rubbish. So far, the trial has lasted about 30 seconds and Britney Spears hasn't once been anywhere near the courtroom - and now it's down to the jury. After deliberating furiously over the trial, jurors expected to return soon with their verdict. And, given the special nature of this trial, the verdicts open to them are 'Shut up' and 'Nobody even cares'.
It's weird now, isn't it, that Britney Spears has got hair and speaks in sentences rather than paranoid garbled shrieks. In fact, we miss the old red-eyed, crazy British-accented Britney Spears who was allowed to stumble around everywhere followed by a pack of screaming paparazzi. And that's why we're clinging to the last remnant of that era as hard as we can - Britney Spears' hit and run trial. Even though it's plainly rubbish. So far, the trial has lasted about 30 seconds and Britney Spears hasn't once been anywhere near the courtroom - and now it's down to the jury. After deliberating furiously over the trial, jurors expected to return soon with their verdict. And, given the special nature of this trial, the verdicts open to them are 'Shut up' and 'Nobody even cares'.
Britney Spears. Hit And Run. Court. Still. Snore.
Back when Britney Spears was a crazy person, and not the well-adjusted pillar of society she is today, she did a lot of regrettable things. And what was the most regrettable thing that Britney Spears did during her barmy lost weekend? No, not proving herself to be an untrustworthy mother or consistently becoming more and more of a global embarrassment with every single passing second - we're talking about the time that Britney Spears sort of gently drove into a car in a car park. It was, quite frankly, outrageous. We know this because people still aren't shutting up about it - Britney's lawyer is still trying to appeal against a criminal trial for the hit and run scheduled for next month. Experts have responded to the move by Michael Flanagan with shock. Slowly punching yourself in the face again and again while murmuring "Make it stop" does still count as shock, right?
Back when Britney Spears was a crazy person, and not the well-adjusted pillar of society she is today, she did a lot of regrettable things. And what was the most regrettable thing that Britney Spears did during her barmy lost weekend? No, not proving herself to be an untrustworthy mother or consistently becoming more and more of a global embarrassment with every single passing second - we're talking about the time that Britney Spears sort of gently drove into a car in a car park. It was, quite frankly, outrageous. We know this because people still aren't shutting up about it - Britney's lawyer is still trying to appeal against a criminal trial for the hit and run scheduled for next month. Experts have responded to the move by Michael Flanagan with shock. Slowly punching yourself in the face again and again while murmuring "Make it stop" does still count as shock, right?
Drew Barrymore Chases Driver Who Rammed Her Car, Kills Him. Doesn’t Kill Him.
As Jeremy Thomas, Tom Green, Jane Pratt, Fabrizio Moretti & the people in charge of food on the set of Music & Lyrics might tell you, Drew Barrymore's bad side is not a place you want to be. Justin Long might tell you that too, but give him a week or so. And why don't you want to incur her anger? because if you do she'll chase you down, pounce on your right shoulder and suck your heart out through a hole she bites in the back of your neck. That was actually a recurring dream we had for most of the sixth grade. We still can't watch her films without trembling. Another person who will probably never be able to stand the sight of her again (especially enlarged like that on the silver screen), is the guy that just made her the victim of a hit and run. He didn't get away. She chased him in her car at speeds in excess of 35 mph. Hey - we're serious here.
As Jeremy Thomas, Tom Green, Jane Pratt, Fabrizio Moretti & the people in charge of food on the set of Music & Lyrics might tell you, Drew Barrymore's bad side is not a place you want to be. Justin Long might tell you that too, but give him a week or so. And why don't you want to incur her anger? because if you do she'll chase you down, pounce on your right shoulder and suck your heart out through a hole she bites in the back of your neck. That was actually a recurring dream we had for most of the sixth grade. We still can't watch her films without trembling. Another person who will probably never be able to stand the sight of her again (especially enlarged like that on the silver screen), is the guy that just made her the victim of a hit and run. He didn't get away. She chased him in her car at speeds in excess of 35 mph. Hey - we're serious here.
Paris Hilton Accused Of Flooring Photographer With Car
Blonde thingy Paris Hilton and boyfriend Benji Madden are being investigated by police for an alleged hit and run, according to The Sun. They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday. Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash. However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said: "The incident is currently under investigation."
Blonde thingy Paris Hilton and boyfriend Benji Madden are being investigated by police for an alleged hit and run, according to The Sun. They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday. Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash. However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said: "The incident is currently under investigation."
