Women! Famous ones! Women about to ruin their lives by introducing more children to this cripplingly awful planet! HURRAY! We have started knitting tiny woollen shoes and cutting a high leg to make attractive tanga brief nappies for the discerning celeb sprog.
And in great news for punners and headline writers, Hilary Duff is pregnant on the year anniversary of her marriage to some pointless athlete or other.
Elsewhere, Jessica Alba has a baby, which means that we can rehash our jokes about cheap Alba stereo units that people used to buy, which most of you will have never heard of because you’re all ironic, middle-class shitheads who had everything they ever wanted, not that it stopped you from writing maudlin poetry, crying on your driving holiday to France.
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Hilary Duff. Hilary Duff, Hilary Duff, Hilary Duff. Sometime Lizzy McGuire Hilary Duff is now an all grown-up actress type lady, but is often taken as a bargain bucket Miley Cyrus.
Except the Duffster spends most of her time making money, instead of grinding up against old men and generally shocking her pre-pubescent fanbase to menstruation.
We prefer Ms. McGuire here at hecklerspray. That’s why we’ve got a lovely clip of her new film Surviving Summer for you lovely people. Watch it after the jump…
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Remember that rumour that Hilary Duff was going to star in 90210? What a ridiculous rumour that was.
Because, please. This is Hilary Duff we’re talking about. Multi-millionaire singer and actress Hilary Duff. She’d never lower herself enough to appear on an embarrassingly self-conscious youth-orientated CW TV show like 90210. That’s absurd.
But luckily, Hilary Duff would lower herself enough to appear on an embarrassingly self-conscious youth-orientated CW TV show like Gossip Girl. So she has. It’s great news for anyone who watches Gossip Girl and actively identifies themselves as a Hilary Duff fan. So that one creepy man must be thrilled.
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Sometimes people are capable of having so many terrible ideas that the end result winds up being quite good.
Hilary Duff and Faye Dunaway know that only too well. Between them, Hilary Duff and Faye Dunaway have had plenty of bad ideas – covering everything from Mommie Dearest to Aaron Carter – but now all their combined bad ideas seem to have looped past the point of infinity and returned as one brilliant idea.
And that idea is the public spat that Hilary Duff and Faye Dunaway have now found themselves involved in. It’s so inexplicably perfect that we want to cry.
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There’s a fine line between ‘morally-pure girl next door’ and ‘wizened, bad-toothed embittered old spinster’, and Hilary Duff knows that only too well.
Hilary Duff is now 21 years old – old enough to get hammered on booze, old enough to drive a tractor and, if only she wasn’t a female, old enough to vote. She’s also old enough to have sex, although she’s jiggered if she’s going to tell you if she actually does or not.
You see, Hilary Duff hasn’t admitted that she’s still a virgin. And she hasn’t admitted that she’s not. But she has claimed that she didn’t say she was. The dirty moo.
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Everyone loves Hilary Duff – they love that TV show she was in, whatever it was called, and all those songs of hers that nobody can remember.
Yup, that Hilary Duff’s a hot piece of property at the moment, or at least she would be if we could work out what the point of her was. You know what Hilary Duff would be great in? A creatively-bankrupt revisiting of a TV series that everyone stopped liking about 18 months into its 10-year run almost 20 years ago.
What’s that? There’s a part going spare in the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off? Well that’s certainly very fortunate for both Hilary Duff and Beverly Hills 90210. Not so much for us, though – we think Beverly Hills 90210 is going to be shit and that Hilary Duff’s a wanker.
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