Vanessa Hudgens was one of the many celebrities this past weekend to forget she’s not a homeless person, and stop washing long enough to attend Coachella. Not washing yourself, taking special care never to wash your hands, is as integral to the experience as foraging for berries and burying your poop.

Reports from the weekend noted Vanessa had done something during the American music festival that involved no nude photos of any kind. Of course, this required reporting with urgency; with titles reading ‘ZOMG, Vanessa went 48 hours and her iPad wasn’t hacked for MySpace-face pictures.’

She attended the event with whomever she’d been sleeping with the past few weeks. That guy, you know. That bloke whose name we’re refusing to learn on principle (of celebrities treating their sex lives like some herpes-infected game of Russian Roulette… if she marries him, we’ll consider learning his name). At some point, hanging out and listening to the bands in the burning hot sun, Vanessa was seen eating something. But what?!

Pictures revealed it was a salad. Scandal! But then she went and licked something off her finger.

Something that was either salad dressing or a booger. We were betting our week’s milk money on the latter. Which is problematic, as now we’re eating our cornflakes dry.

What Vanessa licked off her fingers wasn’t salad dressing, or any one of the illegal drugs she was irresponsibly accused of taking – it was reported, as fact, she’d taken a pure form of Ecstasy called ‘Molly’ based on nothing but pictures of her poor attention to basic hygiene. Rather than stick with the ready-made excuse about dressing, her spokesperson told the media it was chocolate.

We know, we know.

The rep further explained the baggie of chocolate that passed for drugs had melted because of the heat. The drugs story was far more interesting and she should have revealed a non-existent cocaine addiction or something. That way, we’d still be talking about that the next time she leaked her own nudes.

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, who doesn’t mind being photographed while binging on Class Z drugs, so show your props you ungrateful gits.

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Spring is in the air, those gloomy winter days are behind us for another year and we can look forward to all of the joys that the sunshine brings: flowers blooming, birds singing and, most importantly, BOOBS!

That’s right, it’s the time of year where celebrity clothes disappear at the same rate as clouds.

This week we’ve been treated to many a celebrity disrobing, so we’ll break them down one by one… over the jump you penises.

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey:

Right, none of us actually care about what Nick Cannon’s love gun looks like, so we’re going to focus on his naked missus, Mariah.

Mimi has decided to strip off for various magazine covers (and some of those classy black and white pictures that apparently don’t count as porn) to show off her pregnancy bump, because that’s beautiful or something.

We here at hecklerspray aren’t as convinced, we’d much rather have seen her in the altogether before she was knocked up, but maybe that’s just us.

Kaley Cuoco:

She’s the one from the Big Bang Theory. When we initially heard that there were pictures of some lass from something called the Big Bang Theory with her knickers down we had pictured something completely different.

But we’ll give Kaley top marks for trying anyway, even if the picture was sold to us under false pretences.

Bridget Moynahan:

Her picture in the annual nude issue of Allure magazine (which is also the source of Kaley Couco, Keri Hilson and Ashley Tisdale’s naturist debuts) is lovely, but if we’re honest we have no idea who she is.

According to Wikipedia she’s some sort of model and actress who used to be married to an American football player.

Well… good for her.

Keri Hilson:

This is another picture from the rather grotty looking pile marked nice but of unknown origins. Hilson is an American R&B singer apparently, but we can’t really vouch for that.

All we can tell you is that we’re glad they went with her for this photo shoot and not Adele, because while Adele’s voice is beautiful you have to admit she has a bit of the Beth Ditto thing going on.

Ashley Tisdale:

Ms. Tisdale is the one from High School Musical who no one really paid attention to because Vanessa Hudgens was more attractive and a better actress/singer (which, when you think about it, says a lot more about Tisdale than it should).

Anywho, even though our Ashley looks good with her arse out, we can’t help but feel that this is just a cheap attempt to get as much attention as Vanessa does whenever she releases nude pics of herself.

The problem is that Vanessa is more willing to go down the hardcore route, which doesn’t leave Ashley with much of chance of being glanced at now, does it?

It might be worth mentioning that these are all professionally shot pictures, so there’s no chance of you gawping at nipples or anything naughty in the pictures (unless we’re talking about Vanessa ‘hardcore’ Hudgens), which is most likely the only reason you read this article anyway.

We probably should have put that at the start of the article. Sorry.

Pervert.

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After Disney star Vanessa Hudgens saw some nudey pictures of her getting leaked online, she became understandably furious. Well, as furious as a Disney actor can. We imagine she may have stomped one of her tiny little feet quite hard and shouting “Gee Willikers!”

The photos leaked, which no-one can really show because they’re fully naked, indulging in sex and provocative poses and the small matter that Hudgens was under-age in them (thereby turning you lot into people who should be on a certain list for trying to find them online), have been timed perfectly.

Why? She has a new film out of course! However, some are suggesting that the person responsible for the leak wants to damage the reputation of the film, despite the fact it would have had very little credibility in the first place. Anyway, the heavies are getting involved, which we assume means winged monkeys, summoned from some Disney tower.

Hudgens’s lawyer has summoned the winged apes in a bid to discover who the frig is leaking these shots, which have sent people who like seeing grotty, grainy, naked shots of people they kinda recognise from the telly.

The lawyer is called Christopher Wong and he says:

‘Vanessa is deeply upset and angered that these old photos, which were taken years ago, continue to resurface.

‘It is particularly disturbing that whoever got a hold of these private photos seem to be intent on illegally leaking them out over a long period of time.’

‘We are actively working with law enforcement to determine who is responsible and to hold them accountable for their actions.’

Basically, as you’re probably aware, the photographs show Zoey 101 star Alexa Nikolas swapping spit with Hudgens.

Of course, there’s been previous leaks (not like that you dirty minded gits!), which still upset Hudgens.

‘I think it has made me stronger. But it still hurts. It sucks because they were supposed to be private, but at the same time a lot of actresses do it [nudity].

‘Eventually, I’m sure that I will [on screen]. But I don’t know if I would be able to do it now.’

Hudgens recently split up with Zac Efron, who we assume was the intended recipient of these photographs. Surely he [REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS - HECKLERSPRAY IS AS YET NOT ABLE TO FEND OFF WINGED SIMIANS]

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Child stars are funny critters. Once they start to grow pubic hair or develop a deeper voice, it generally means that Mickey Mouse can no longer work with the individual in question, usually tossing them to the pavement for Pluto to mock.

Once you’ve appeared in a Disney show, you somehow have to prove yourself so you can go on and get serious work.

There are a variety of ways to achieve this. Miley Cyrus posed in her undercrackers and had a go on a bong whilst Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera flashed their genitals. Vanessa Hudgens is known for being part of the irritating High School Musical franchise where everyone seemed worryingly happy on a permanent scale.

Since breaking up from Zac Efron, we haven’t heard much from Vanesa Hudgens, though with the supposed “leak” of casual lesbian antics, she’ll have gotten on a few more radars.

Not that you’d be interested, but all sorts of sordid filth happens round the hecklerspray bedsit. All writers have to be vetted and this is a process involving a bottle of baby oil, cold water and a trampoline. These images are locked away in a safe so human eyes can’t see them. For them to magically appear on the internet, we’d have to physically upload them all whilst gagging on the photos of some people doing stuff that shouldn’t be possible according to science.

It’s strange how this is the second incident of Vanessa Hudgens having naughty pictures appear on the internet for perverts to have a couple of moments pleasure over.

Whilst she was going out with High School Musical co-star Zac Efron, a series of nude photos hit the internet. All we can assume is that these private exchanges were leaked either by Hudgens or Efron. Or one of their “wacky” mates did it for comedic purposes.

Therefore, you’d assume that Vanessa Hudgens would have had been a bit more sense than letting someone take photos of her kissing a girl called Alexa Nikolas. Anyone? Nope, us either.

Supposedly, she’s another child star who appeared in a show called Zoey 101. We have no idea what this is about, if anything, it sounds like some sort of sordid filth where an adult actress shows you 101 different ways of having sex with her.

However, we’ve found out that:

“Nikolas appeared in Hudgens’ music video for “Come Back to Me,” the lead single from her debut album, 2006’s V and is reportedly best friends with the star.”

Allow us to put on our slippers and light a pipe whilst we sit down with a pint of ale. The youth of today really are out of order don’t you think? Is this what friends do these days? When we were younger and less cynical, kissing each other was out of the question, mainly because we didn’t know what it was. Instead, we waltzed freely through green forests, making lemonade or throwing stones at people’s doors and running away so we didn’t get a clip round the ear.

Oh how we laughed.

If this trend continues, then we expect the cast of Glee to be caught up in some sordid dogging incident when they visit summer camp or whatever the hell it is Americans do.

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Zac Efron has the strangest of faces. It’s actually flawless to the point where you can almost imagine a great big green diamond over his head like he’s Simlish or something. We’ve never tried barking orders at him so we can make him urinate or set fire to a microwave, but we’re certain that it could happen.

Likewise, Vanessa Hudgens is similarly perfect. She looks like she’s been designed by a lonely CGI artist, asked to create the ideal girl for jaded teenagers who want something wholesome to masturbate over.

And of course, this pair made for one of the most capsizingly dull couples in Hollywood, livened up briefly by some self-shot nude photos and a break-up. However, it looks like they’re enjoying each other’s lips with some deft reboundery.

Zac Efron’s tiny little motorcar was spotted outside Hudgens’ house, meaning that they were indeed, still friends (like they’ve been claiming) or, rather, Efron was dropping off all her stuff that she’d left at his, making for a tear-laden afternoon where they exchanged possessions, which of course, reminded them of the good times they spend listening to Mike and the Mechanics together, or whatever it is they got up to.

However, sources/close friends/eye witnesses are all coming out in force now to point and shriek about how this crushingly bland pair are back together. We can only assume no-one else would have them. They’re too perfect looking. They’re just too soul-sapping.

And so, someone has seen them over the weekend in a nightclub in Hollywood, dancing and kissing. KISSING AND DANCING! Can you even imagine it? There’s a good chance they used tongues. And that might include the kissing too.

A source, who was at the rubbish sounding SHG’s Eden nightclub opening, where the beige pair were seen at, told reporters:

“They were constantly touching and kissing each other. Vanessa was bopping around with her arms up while Zac had his hands all over her.”

“Vanessa had a smile on from ear to ear and the two were inseparable after that.”

Other witnesses say that Hudgens smiled so much that the corners of her mouth met somewhere above her eyebrows and her face lifted up like a flap, revealing a grimacing skeleton, branded with the Disney logo.

So what have we learned from all this? Well, the Efron/Hudgens partnership are either fickle or massive liars who have claimed to split-up when in fact, they’ve been slobbering over each other all along.

We’ll never trust anyone, ever again.

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Zac Efron (Rob Lowe in a lesbian wig) and Vanessa Hudgens (you’ve seen her in the nip) split up didn’t they? This left furious onanists the world over imagining an implausible scenario where they might have sex with their preferred person of the couple. Or both.

Well, enjoy your pleasures of the palm while you can because it looks like they might be back together. This, of course, is planet-splittingly important and vital news for everyone.

And how do we know they’re giving it another go? Well, the irrefutable proof lies in the fact that Zac Efron (an unrealistic GI Joe figure in slacks) was spotted visiting Hudgens’ (you’re still thinking about those nude snaps aren’t you?) house. This definitely means they’re having intercourse again.

According to LikeYouEvenCareAboutTheSourceOfTheRumour, the High School Musical (Glee, before Glee happened) couple had a reunion on Monday. Nosy buggers noticed that Efron’s black Audi was parked outside Hudgen’s apartment. Did you know he drove a black Audi? Stalkers, take note.

Efron was snapped pulling into Hudgens’ driveway, which leaves us all knowing for absolutely certain that they’re back together, staring at each other blankly before retiring to the bedroom to have sex with each other because it is better than the inane chitter chatter they bandy around when in each other’s company.

Of course, this goes against Vanessa’s previous claimed they the two were still “good” after the break-up. Sure, they may have been an item, but now, they’re simply just friends. Okay? And possibly having a quick bonus-round before waving each other off and wondering why they got invested in each other in the first place.

During the short break-up, Efron had been linked to Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s ridiculously named daughter, Rumer. Make your own jokes.

However, like his relationship with Hudgens, representatives for both Zac and Rumer claimed the pair were “just good friends.” Friends with benefits? Friends with stupid names?

Either way, Zac Efron is absolutely and definitely having it off with someone because he’s parked his car outside a house or something. In fact, we can assume that every time he parks his car, he’s going to be having sex with at least one person inside the building he’s outside.

He’ll be red-raw and limping by March.

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Zac Efron may well be the most peculiar looking chap on Earth. Simultaneously, he looks like a 40 year old lesbian, the most American young person ever, a very sophisticated mandroid, Rob Lowe in a Justin Bieber wig and a relaxed calf muscle.

Vanessa Hudgens meanwhile looked like a tidy belly button peering out of a hairy stomach and of course, has shown everyone her bush on the internet.

Between them, they were one of Hollywood’s dream couples. However, after a four-year High School Musical romance, they’ve both decided to admit to themselves that they can’t stand the sight of each other. Yes indeed stalkers! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have split up! You should probably send them things and see if you can capture their hearts. In a cloth sack.

Some lackey who probably works for Disney, who has the job to smooth over absolutely anything that might wrinkle the blemish-free veneer of the company, came about and said that there is no-one else involved and that the pair will remain good chums.

“It’s nothing dramatic. There’s no third party involved.”

Okay. Being peevish. Let us imagine that everything this trouble-shooter is saying is exactly the opposite to what actually happened and how Efron/Hudgens feel.

“It seems their romance just fizzled out. They are still talking and still friends.”

“There’s no drama. No one cheated. They just grew up.”

So we assume then, that the increasingly childish pair threw gigantic hissy fits, had sex with lots of other people and they now utterly despise each other. And yes, there’s a third party involved and that person is secretly shagging both of them.

That would be much more interesting if it were true, right?

The pair have spent an more and more time apart since the end of the High School Musical and they’ve both gone on to star in a bunch of films that no-one really gives two fucks about.

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The High School Musical kids have graduated. And what does that mean? For Zac Efron it means becoming a star in his own right.

For the majority of the other High School Musical cast it means getting a supermarket job and spending day after day waiting for a vague recognition from customers that never comes. And for Vanessa Hudgens it means getting naked and slapping her tits and clodge about with wild abandon in every single film she ever makes.

Really. Vanessa Hudgens said so, “if the movie calls for it.” Which it will, because it’ll almost certainly be porn.

Remember when those naked Vanessa Hudgens photos turned up on the internet? Yes, so do we. It was a much simpler time back then – before Miley Cyrus came along with her adult boyfriend and her love of taking her clothes off with such deadening regularity that we’ve all become desensitised to it.

We’re not the only ones who miss the good old days of seeing Vanessa Hudgens naked, either. Vanessa Hudgens seems to miss it just as much. In fact – if you ignore the three films she made where her sole contribution was singing a procession of blank-eyed songs about believing in yourself – getting naked on the internet is the only thing that Vanessa Hudgens has done in her entire life.

And now that her fellow former tweensters are growing up and starring in bad remakes of Big with the crap one from Friends, it’s possibly time for Vanessa Hudgens to revisit her glory days. MSNBC reports:

“I will show nudity in a film when the time is right,” Hudgens, 20, said in an interview with E! Online. “Right now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it. When the time’s right, if it’s an amazing movie that I’m really passionate about and that’s what it calls for, then we’ll see.”

Did you hear that? If, in several years’ time, Vanessa Hudgens is offered a role in a film that’s obviously beyond her artistic capabilities and calls for a fleeting glimpse of sideboob or a blurred shot of a buttock, then there’s a slim chance that Vanessa Hudgens will disrobe for it. SHE’S DEFINITELY GETTING NAKED AGAIN! PARTY TIME!!

Although, to throw water on our own alarmingly horny bonfire, what’s the point? We’ve already seen Vanessa Hudgens naked once, so it’s hardly going to get anyone excited to hear that she’s going to do it again. Not unless she’s decided to shave her pubes into the shape of a dragon or plans to show us a part of her naked body that we haven’t seen before, like the back of one of her knees or the underside of a toenail or something. Because then we’d be there like a shot.

And before you say it – no, Vanessa Hudgens publicly declaring her willingness to be naked on film isn’t a sign of desperation at all. In fact the last person to do anything remotely like this was Jessica Simpson, and she’s one of the most famous women on Earth. Oh, wait, no, it isn’t 2004 any more. Oh God, Hudgens, you’re doomed.

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If you are anything like hecklerspray then your high school experience can be summed up with just a few words: plague-like bloody diarrhoea, ultra massive steroid use, and posing nude so the seniors can properly take their anatomy final.

There was never any spontaneous singing though – and a good thing too, because that would have been super gay – like East High gay. Speaking of which – you know how there’s been a pleasant calm in the world since everyone everywhere knows the cast graduated, and so can’t make any more sequels?

Well no more – Disney has just committed to HSM4.

Well Disney’s just signed on to make High School Musical 4 – but don’t worry because they know that the three they’ve already delivered have been largely regarded as unacceptable by anyone who’s not a blind or deaf woman.

To resolve this issue the next instalment is going to be sci-fi and set one billion years in the future. Everyone will still sing, but the song topics will revolve around how the sun is expanding into a red giant, and how are the kids gonna save their gymnasium from getting swallowed by it. The gym, incidentally, is where they took state like 1000 years in a row. That’s why they’re all so attached.

Don’t expect to see Vanessa Hudgens in a skin-tight, tin foil space suit though – the cast will be all new. Also don’t actually expect to see outer space at all. What you can expect is this – we peeled it off of Reuters:

“Walt Disney Co’s teen hit franchise “High School Musical” is coming back for a fourth time — but with a new cast of characters, the company said on Tuesday. “High School Musical 4″ will debut on the Disney Channel in 2010 — marking a return to its original cable home after the third instalment danced into movie theaters in 2008. Disney Channel said in a statement the story would feature a music- and dance-filled love triangle set against cross-town rivalry between fictional high schools in Albuquerque, N.M.”

Notice any talk of laser swords and space monsters is conspicuously absent. That’s pretty lame if you ask us. Still though – the script can’t be finalized yet. Lets throw some donkeys with jet-packs in there or something. They could maybe be on a quest to save their robot queen – that plot would really write itself.

Just do it, stupid writers.

Why people even make movies without laser swords, space monsters and jet-packing mules is beyond us. For instance, think of how much better HSM 3 would have been if Troy had to chop everyone at his prom in half real quick because a weird looking lizard beast was hiding inside of a classmate.

Had that been the case, Slumdog Millionaire probably wouldn’t be getting so much press right now.

With that, we think you’ll probably agree.

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Vanessa Hudgens is so multi-talented – she can sing, she can dance, she can pose naked on the internet.

And, um, that’s about it. But, sadly, the Twilight sequel doesn’t require any of these talents, so Vanessa Hudgens won’t star in it any more. Vanessa Hudgens has denied rumours that she auditioned for the role of Sexy Naked Lady Werewolf 4 in Twilight 2.

Twilight fans will be thrilled – they never wanted an embarrassingly cheesy tween star like Vanessa in their movie to begin with. No, Twilight is all about embarrassingly faux-rebellious tween stars. And silly-haired pipecleaners. And that’s how it’ll stay, damnit!

We’re having serious reservations about Twilight 2, you know. Sure, we could take the fact that the director had changed, and the casting issues didn’t really bother us too much. And we only cried for about two hours when we found out about Robert Pattinson’s haircut. But this?

This is just beyond a joke. Let us explain. On Monday we told you that High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens had auditioned for Twilight 2, and we were thrilled. It would have been such a perfect fit. Both High School Musical and Twilight share a common theme – that pre-marital sex is evil.

True, that theme was more explicit in Twilight – where it was suggested that if you have sex too young a dreary vampire with hair that looks like a dog wound will kill you – but it would have been dealt with more fully in High School Musical had the writers found a good rhyme for ‘abortion clinic’ in the song Bop To The Top.

But that’s not the point. Vanessa Hudgens was going to be starring as a werewolf in the sequel to Twilight, and we were so prepared. We’d found our old Vanessa Hudgens High School Musical doll, stripped her naked like in those internet pictures, glued some of our pubes to her face to make her look a bit more werewolfy and forced her to have nine-hour makeout sessions with our Robert Pattinson Twilight doll. Those were probably the happiest moments of our lives.

But now? Now Vanessa Hudgens has taken our heart and stamped all over it. She’s denied doing any Twilight 2 auditions at all, the big witch. Showbiz Spy reports:

It was claimed earlier this week that Hudgens was gunning for the role of female werewolf Leah Clearwater in the eagerly-awaited second film in Stephenie Meyer’s vampire franchise. But a representative for Hudgens has dismissed the speculation. The spokesperson said, “I don’t know anything about the audition. As far as I know, it’s just a rumor.”

It’s hard news to swallow, we know. That girl from the films you refuse to watch because you’re not a 12-year-old girl won’t be starring in the films you refuse to watch because you’re not a 14-year-old girl. Somehow, together, we’re going to get through this.

But can you really believe what Vanessa Hudgens’ spokesperson said? After all, it was a Twilight castmember who reported Vanessa’s audition in the first place. So maybe all isn’t as it seems. Which is why we think it’s much more likely that Vanessa Hudgens did audition for Twilight 2 but was so abominably bad that she got turned down.

Either that or Vanessa Hudgens went to the Twilight audition, realised that she’d have to spend four months sucking in her cheeks, wearing a silly amount of eye make-up, staring off into the middle-distance in the mistaken belief that it made her look deep and listening to piss-awful Paramore songs on repeat until her ears started to bleed, and turned the role down.

Either way, we’re heartbroken.

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As well as it being Halloween, this weekend saw the release of all manner of hot Oscar contenders and hugely-hyped comedies.

So what’s number one at the US weekend box office today? A highbrow critical darling? A well-received edgy comedy? Any of the new horror movies? No. It’s sodding High School Musical 3, isn’t it. Again.

That means that the stars of High School Musical 3 are officially bigger than Seth Rogen and Angelina Jolie combined. Perhaps to reassert their popularity, in their next movies Seth Rogen will sing a number of songs about believing in yourself and Angelina Jolie will take a naked picture of herself and post it on the internet. But not the other way round, though – that would be horrible. Angelina Jolie really can’t sing.

High School Musical 3 is the number one movie at the weekend box office for the second week running, proving that if there’s one thing that children like more than dressing up as mutilated corpses and threatening to deface strangers’ property unless they’re given confectionery, it’s watching Zac Efron sing uplifting songs about the power of friendship. No wonder this planet’s so messed up.

This last week has seen some of the hardest-fought movie promotion we think we’ve ever seen. But how effective has it been? Let’s find out with the US weekend box office top five…

1 - High School Musical 3 (Level of weekend box office movie promotion: we don’t care. High School Musical 3‘s continued box office success has dramatically slumped in the weekend box office has probably pushed the cast’s acceptance of direct-to-DVD erotic thrillers as a primary source of income back by about five years. That means that we’ll have to put up with the inevitable Moderately Risky Side-Boob era, but that seems to be working out OK for Jessica Alba, doesn’t it) $15,035,000

2 - Zack And Miri Make A Porno (Level of weekend box office movie promotion: that one time that Kevin Smith told everyone that he broke a toilet with his bottom recently. That’s literally all we have to say on the matter) $10,682,000

3 - Saw V (Level of weekend box office movie promotion: none. Saw V‘s continued success proves that you don’t need a controversial title or a frighteningly ubiquitous media presence to make a movie a success – you just need a couple of scenes of people cutting off their own hands in horrifically graphic detail. Listen and learn, God And Gays: Bridging The Gap) $10,110,000

4 - Changeling (Level of weekend box office movie promotion: frightening. To make Changeling a success, Angelina Jolie has done everything from rub her boob on a baby’s face to arming her children with daggers. Sad to say, the plan wasn’t a complete success, and Changeling‘s lack of a weekend box office number one title can probably be put down to the three whole seconds that Angelina Jolie’s smug face wasn’t plastered all over every single newspaper, TV show and magazine in the world two weeks ago on Tuesday. Whoops) $9,407,000

5 - The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (Level of weekend box office movie promotion: Since we’ve never heard of The Haunting Of Molly Hartley, we’ll say zero. Now, if the movie’s star Haley Bennett had got fat and destroyed a bathroom while breastfeeding a baby whose hands she’d just chopped off, it’d be a different matter entirely. Haley Bennett is an idiot) $6,009,000

Read more:

Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo

Zac Efron has given us an insight into what it’s like to be him.

Zac will be making a welcome return to our cinema screens in the autumn with the third installment of Disney’s High School Musical.

But not before telling us just how great being Zac Efron is. He said:  

"I'm loving it. I'm having a blast. I'm in a good place and really excited to be where I am."

That’s nice for Zac. Now also reports that Zac is having to get used to being followed around by a ‘gaggle’ of adoring girls. He said:

"The parents are the ones who want the pictures; the girls are too shy. I can pretty much go anywhere – I just have to wear sunglasses."

We can totally sympathise with Zac there. It’s not nice being surrounded by a group of girls – be it a gaggle or otherwise – and yet every morning they come, loitering outside hecklerspray HQ trying to catch a glimpse of the faces behind the words in the vain hope they might be equally as rewarding as the articles they read on a daily basis. Can't you just let us get on with our work?

Zac continued:

"But there's no way that I'd avoid my fans. I like making them happy."

Yep, Zac Efron is a young, freakishly handsome and successful man. Zac is so beautiful, in fact, that when he walks past a female – be it any female – she will instinctively open her legs with such ferocity that her pelvis literally displaces itself (that’s how we imagine it, at least).

In fact, if Zac was to walk down Oxford Street on a sunny afternoon the scene would resemble Gandhi’s Salt March.

But girls have not always been so easy for Zac, as he explains of his time back at school:

"I wasn't the skater dude or anything. I tried really hard in school. I got good grades. I was in advanced classes so, if anything, you'd probably call me a nerd. Seriously, I was the short kid in high school. I didn't get much attention from the chicks. I was, like 5ft 6in tall. But as soon as I left and started working, then I started to grow up a little bit. I realise that I got very lucky so, thank you, everyone out there (arms outstretched)!"

So not only is he young, good-looking, with a successful career, he is also an academic success too!

There’s only one word for a man like that, can anyone think of it?

Read More – High Sschool musical star wasn't always so hot – Now Magazine 

You know it’s over, don’t you? The diseased entity of reality TV has come to an end, because there is nothing new that can be done.

All reality show topics have been covered, asphyxiated, beaten to a bloody, lifeless pulp and thrown into the East River. Oh, wait. That’s just the blissful recurring dream we keep having. Yeah, no, the reality TV thing is pumping out more hopeless poppycock than ever. Today’s proof of that is the new reality series Nick Lachey has in the works for MTV. It’s pretty much High School Musical with artsy musical type kids spontaneously bursting into song and dance in real life.

So, yeah, essentially your worst nightmare comes roaring to life.

Nick Lachey? More like Nick Cliché! Haha… ha… ha. Ahem. But seriously folks, the man really seems to have burrowed nicely into the rotting abscess of the entertainment world that is reality television. And who can blame him, what with the happiness and success his first show with then-wife Jessica Simpson, Newlyweds, that chronicled their new marriage, and arguably the demise of their relationship. So, of course Nick wanted more of that good stuff. But where to go from there?

Well, we didn’t think it could be done, but Nick Lachey has come along to prove us wrong just like he always does when it comes to discovering new creative selling-out-edness (what? It’s a word). He's come up with a reality TV show that hasn't been done yet. And since there aren’t any original ideas for reality shows left, so people are combining different things to come up with new ones, like Are You Smarter than a Survivor Apprentice Dancing with Pussycat Idols on the Surreal Ice.

Thus, Nick Lachey's new show is a hybrid of High School Musical meets Laguna Beach, meets True Life. The show will follow students at Nick Lachey's former high school, The School for Creative and Performing Arts in Cincinnati. MTV executive VP of series development and programming, Tony DiSanto, made the following statement about the show. It's got us jazzed as heck, folks:

"The stories and relationships are all set to music that's organic in what's going on in the school and also performed by the kids… This is a genre-busting, creative experiment I'm really excited about."

So, expect lots of musical performances and impromptu dance-offs in the show. Throw in a little disco dance fighting and we might be persuaded to check it out. Or not. We firmly stand by our belief that reality shows should involve only vicious animal attacks, 1,000 lb people being lifted from houses by cranes, and anything hosted by that wacky Bob Saget. Those are the only real reality shows.

Holla with us, people.

Read more: 

Nick Lachey's High School Musical - E! Online

Hey perverts! Want to see Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical dressed up as Santa, spouting filthy nonsense and humping a man?

Well you can't because – contrary to rumours – the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist.

That's right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you'll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she's having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works.

Ahem. We heard.

Now that Miley Cyrus has been exposed as a seatbelt-shunning bitch from hell, people have started to forget about the Tween Scene's original scandalbasket, Vanessa Hudgens. And that's terrible, because when 18-year-old girls from wholesome teenage musicals with deliberate moral centres take naked photos of themselves that accidentally get onto the internet – and then they quickly follow them up with some vaguely lesbian photos – it should be applauded, not condemned as filth.

But try telling that to Disney, which nearly dropped Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical 3 until it had a change of heart and tentatively signed Vanessa up for the movie. However, word quickly got around recently that High School Musical 3 wasn't the only movie that Vanessa Hudgens would be in – there was also the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape movie.

According to reports, the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape featured Vanessa spread-eagled naked in front of a Christmas tree saying preposterous double-entendres like:

"I want Santa to come up my chimney because I've been a good little girl this year".

Chimney? Chimney? Because it's made of brick and twice a year you pay a dirty-faced cockney urchin to shove an extendable brush up there? That doesn't make any sense.

But of course it doesn't make any sense, because Vanessa Hudgens didn't actually say that. And she didn't say it because the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape doesn't exist. The story originally appeared last September on barely-read, fractionally amusing Onion rip-off website Pugbus, as Portable Planet reports:

There are multiple reports that she made a naughty tape the day she took those photo as well.  Ick. There’s only one little problem. It’s completely untrue. The story actually originated last year Postcards from the Pug Bus, which is a satire website. The Vanessa Hudgens “quote” comes from their 100% made-up story… The bottom of the each page of the website reads: “The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of thing seriously.”

Sorry perverts, if you want to see a Vanessa Hudgens sex tape you're going to have to wait until her career dries up and she's reduced to doing tawdry porn shoots in rented motel rooms for $50 a throw, just like the rest of us have to.

But still, if we can't see a real Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, then maybe this imaginary Vanessa Hudgens sex tape will be the next best thing. Imagine that, a sex tape that doesn't actually exist.

God, if only Gene Simmons had that idea first.

Read more:

Debunked: High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens Naughty Tape Doesn’t Exist – Portable Planet 

If you're a Zac Efron fan, you might want to sit down – it turns out that Zac's body isn't as dreamy-perfect as you probably thought.

Yesterday High School Musical star Zac Efron was rushed to hospital for an emergency appendectomy. Fortunately, Efron's appendix was removed before it burst and could do serious damage to the teen sensation's innards.

But it was a close call. At one point during surgery, up to three of Zac Efron's hairs went slightly out of place – marking the most distressing point of his entire moon-eyed life so far.

It might be easy to mock the stars of High School Musical, but we'll say this – ripping off Grease and filling it full of sub-Britney songs about going your own way because you're special inside doesn't half take it out on your internal organs.

Why, just last week, Corbin Bleu barfed up both of his adrenal glands because of the stress of belting out Get'cha Head in the Game again and again, and now Zac Efron's appendix has gone all doolally as well.

Yesterday Zac Efron – the boy from High School Musical who looks like a creepy ventriloquist's dummy that's come to life and carved a six-pack into his own gut with an unfolded paperclip – was rushed to Cedars-Sinai medical centre in Los Angeles in agony.

Turns out he had appendicitis. and real appendicitis too, not the weird drunk-too-much-and-need-a lie-down Lindsay Lohan appendicitis that you recover from in less than a day. E! Online reports:

The High School Musical star underwent an emergency appendectomy Tuesday at Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, E! News has confirmed. "He had his appendix removed and is recuperating," Efron's rep said. 

We're shocked – like many people we didn't realise that Zac Efron had a functioning set of internal organs. We assumed that his torso was either full of kittens or that it was just made of solid plastic all the way through.

It's unknown whether Zac Efron's appendix removal will affect the filming of the just-announced High School Musical 3 movie, although it's thought that songwriters are currently penning contingency tunes like I Dropped My Pencil (When I bend Over It Hurts So Much That I Feel Sick) and the anthemic Nurse, My Bedpan's Full Again, with Hollywood choreographers banking on the next big dance sensation involving writhing around the floor clutching your abdomen and making a noise like a wounded animal.

And we feel for Zac Efron, we really do – his unblemished body will now have a dirty great scar sliced across it. But, hey, at least chicks dig scars, right? Especially ones that you can point at and say, "and I got this one when my tummy-wummy got all hurty-wurty and I cried."

But let's just hope that the same fate doesn't await Zac Efron's co-star Vanessa Hudgens – an appendix scar would really wipe out her inevitable professional pornography career before it ever really got going.

Read more:

Zac Efron Busts a Surgical Move – E! Online