Logic dictates that being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore is worse than hell.

But He’s Just Not That Into You is even worse, because whoever watches that is effectively being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore AND Justin Long AND the crap one from Entourage AND a story so nauseatingly that you’ll want to go and kick some puppies to balance things out.

Weirdly, though, He’s Just Not That Into You is the number one movie at the US weekend box office this week. People confuse us.

Some say that the weekend box office is often dictated by star power. And we’d have to agree, because He’s Just Not That Into You is the new weekend box office number one, and it stars a ridiculous amount of famous people.

But to that we’ll add that the weekend box office is also dictated by trailers featuring squash-faced women bleating on endlessly about how funny it is that men sometimes MySpace your Facebook with their Blackberry when they’re attracted to you, because He’s Just Not That Into You has that as well. Oh, and it’s also dictated by things that make us violently nauseous because… oh, you get the idea. Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - He’s Just Not That Into You (Now to forever be known as Wee Just Snot Twat Into Poo. Deal? Deal) $27,465,000

2 – Taken (We assume that Taken has fallen from first place in the weekend box office because people get confused by the sight of Liam Neeson as a kickass action star instead of a mystical Jesus lion. Typecasting’s a bastard, isn’t it) $20,300,000

3 - Coraline (We don’t know what this is, but it sounds like a form of prescription medicine that would make you all paranoid and sweaty. Incidentally, Coraline features the vocal talents of Dakota Fanning, so maybe we’re not far off) $16,335,000

4 - Pink Panther 2 (You have to admire Steve Martin’s dedication to trampling our happy childhood memories. First Bilko and now two Pink Panther movies? We have a tenner that says his next movie will be a less-good adaptation of the first time we rode a bike without stabilisers. Mark our words) $12,000,000

5 - Paul Blart: Mall Cop (BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!) $11,000,000

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Jennifer Aniston has recently starred in a dog movie, done a photoshoot with a dog and taken all her clothes off.

That last one’s less relevant, to be fair. But it almost definitely happened. The point is, Jennifer Aniston does a lot of stuff with dogs. Including, apparently, rescuing dogs from certain death after they dart out into Sunset Boulevard without warning.

So yay for Jennifer Aniston. And yay for Angelina Jolie, for when she realises that Jennifer Aniston has got more headlines than her and single-handedly repopulates the world’s Iberian Lynx community directly out of her womb as retaliation.

Make no mistake here – Marley And Me saved Jennifer Aniston’s career. Before that came along, Jennifer was stuck in a cycle of majorly unsuccessful movies, moderately successful movies that were objectively woeful and transparently attention-seeking lesbian TV bitparts.

But Marley And Me changed all that forever. Not only was it a number one movie, but it also allowed Jennifer Aniston to present an Oscar, turn down a number of pornographic offers and appear in magazines that don’t exclusively run pictures of her accompanied by the headline ‘SAD JEN STILL WON’T BRAD GO!’

And because of this, Jennifer Aniston has vowed to be a supporter of the dog community. There’s nothing that Jennifer Aniston won’t do for dogs to show how grateful she is for Marley And Me – she’ll fetch their sticks for them if they’re feeling too tired, she’ll lick their testicles if they’ve got arthritis in their necks and aren’t able to do so themselves, and she’ll definitely stop them from being splattered into strawberry jam underneath the wheels of fast-moving traffic.

In fact she has. At the premiere of must-avoid movie He’s Just Not That Into You, Jennifer Aniston regaled all about the time that she recently stopped a dog from having its head smashed off by a lorry. MSNBC reports:

“It’s a husky … gorgeous,” Aniston said of the dog she found on the streets of Los Angeles last week. But the dog she found wasn’t just casually roaming the streets. Aniston says he was in a life-threatening situation. “A dog darted out in the middle of Sunset. People didn’t seem like they were stopping.” Aniston told Access that she got out of her car and, with the help of another woman, approached the dog.

And it was at that point that Jennifer Aniston realised that the dog would be the closest thing she’d ever get to having a human baby of her own, so she named it Jeremy and enrolled it at California’s finest medical school where it graduated with honours before becoming a very successful cosmetic surgeon.

Or she realised that the dog belonged to a man who cut her hair once and gave it back to him. OK, it was that.

Anyway, if that’s the length that Jennifer Aniston is prepared to go to for Marley And Me, imagine what she’ll do for He’s Just Not That Into You. Hopefully it won’t involve stopping Drew Barrymore from darting out into the middle of a busy road. That’s the sort of intervention that won’t help anyone.

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