Articles tagged with: heroin
Amy Winehouse Died In Blake Fielder-Civil’s Arms (There’s a “Nearly” Missing From That Statement)
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms. The problems here are twofold: one - it's only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two - who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil? Answers on a postcard please. Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse's ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms. The problems here are twofold: one - it's only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two - who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil? Answers on a postcard please. Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse's ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
Angelina Jolie On Drugs! In The Past! Maybe! Video!
Do you enjoy watching pre-fame celebrities ramble on about endlessly about themselves in infuriatingly faux-deep ways? You do? Well then, you'll love the Angelina Jolie drug video. Filmed when she was just 23, the just-leaked Angelina Jolie drug video shows Angelina sitting in a drug den carping on about all kinds of permissive hippy nonsense for over seven painfully dull minutes while sitting next to a woman who's blithely smoking some heroin. You don't? Then you should probably watch the Angelina Jolie drug video anyway, because it has a man in it who keeps mumbling the phrase 'nipple clamps' over and over again in the mistaken belief that he's contributing to the conversation. Ah, nipple clamps. You can make everything funny.
Do you enjoy watching pre-fame celebrities ramble on about endlessly about themselves in infuriatingly faux-deep ways? You do? Well then, you'll love the Angelina Jolie drug video. Filmed when she was just 23, the just-leaked Angelina Jolie drug video shows Angelina sitting in a drug den carping on about all kinds of permissive hippy nonsense for over seven painfully dull minutes while sitting next to a woman who's blithely smoking some heroin. You don't? Then you should probably watch the Angelina Jolie drug video anyway, because it has a man in it who keeps mumbling the phrase 'nipple clamps' over and over again in the mistaken belief that he's contributing to the conversation. Ah, nipple clamps. You can make everything funny.
Some CSI Bloke In More Exciting Than CSI Drug Bust
Just watching more than one episode of CSI per lifetime is enough to turn anyone into a snarling drug-addicted mess, so imagine actually starring in it. Seriously, it must mess you up something rotten. Let's take any CSI actor completely at random and see what starring in CSI has done to them. Let's randomly pick, say, Gary Dourdan. It turns out that Gary Dourdan has been arrested for being asleep in his car with heroin, cocaine, Ecstasy and several assorted prescription drugs in his possession. And we chose Gary Dourdan entirely at random. Good job we didn't pick David Caruso, really - just look what being in CSI has done to his hair.
Just watching more than one episode of CSI per lifetime is enough to turn anyone into a snarling drug-addicted mess, so imagine actually starring in it. Seriously, it must mess you up something rotten. Let's take any CSI actor completely at random and see what starring in CSI has done to them. Let's randomly pick, say, Gary Dourdan. It turns out that Gary Dourdan has been arrested for being asleep in his car with heroin, cocaine, Ecstasy and several assorted prescription drugs in his possession. And we chose Gary Dourdan entirely at random. Good job we didn't pick David Caruso, really - just look what being in CSI has done to his hair.
Pete Doherty’s Not Back On Heroin After All! Wheee!
Aside from getting rubbish tattoos and befriending injured birds to act as symbolic allusions to your lost freedom, there's not actually a lot to do in prison. So it's weird that, since Pete Doherty went to prison a couple of weeks ago, we've heard far more about him than when he was a free man. Namely, we've heard an awful lot about how Pete Doherty has somehow managed to track down a load of heroin in prison and stick it all up his bum, or whatever it is you're supposed to do with heroin. But it turns out that these heroin stories were all giant lies, because Pete Doherty is completely free of drugs. We know this because Pete Doherty said so himself in a barely-legible note to a woman we've never heard of. And, as we've always said, you can put scrawled notes by convicted drug addicts in the bank.
Aside from getting rubbish tattoos and befriending injured birds to act as symbolic allusions to your lost freedom, there's not actually a lot to do in prison. So it's weird that, since Pete Doherty went to prison a couple of weeks ago, we've heard far more about him than when he was a free man. Namely, we've heard an awful lot about how Pete Doherty has somehow managed to track down a load of heroin in prison and stick it all up his bum, or whatever it is you're supposed to do with heroin. But it turns out that these heroin stories were all giant lies, because Pete Doherty is completely free of drugs. We know this because Pete Doherty said so himself in a barely-legible note to a woman we've never heard of. And, as we've always said, you can put scrawled notes by convicted drug addicts in the bank.
Report: Pete Doherty’s On The Skag Again
Oh christ, here we go again. Before he was jailed, we thought that Pete Doherty had kicked the drugs. His ballooning weight suggested that he'd either got his appetite back or he'd found a brand-new drug that was mostly made of congealed chip fat. Either way, Pete Doherty was off the drugs and it was a relief. Except he wasn't - according to reports, Pete Doherty is back taking all the heroin he can get his hands on in prison. That's a report that comes from a prisoner, so it must be true, because everyone knows that prisoners are the nicest, most honest group of people in the world.
Oh christ, here we go again. Before he was jailed, we thought that Pete Doherty had kicked the drugs. His ballooning weight suggested that he'd either got his appetite back or he'd found a brand-new drug that was mostly made of congealed chip fat. Either way, Pete Doherty was off the drugs and it was a relief. Except he wasn't - according to reports, Pete Doherty is back taking all the heroin he can get his hands on in prison. That's a report that comes from a prisoner, so it must be true, because everyone knows that prisoners are the nicest, most honest group of people in the world.
