Christians eh? They never say the right thing do they? That’s probably because they seek advice from a made-up God. You may as well ask Sooty to whisper wisdom in your ear or seek teachings from the sound of a conch shell.
And two Christians – notably the ones that gave birth to Katy Perry – have irritated their famous daughter by saying that her split with Russell Brand ain’t all bad because, as a result, there’s been increased interest in their missionary.
How delightful. Of course, the outspoken Katy isn’t having that and has tweeted a missive against them, or so it seems. It’s okay though. She can say what she wants. That’s because Christians are contractually obliged to forgive everyone, no matter what.
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When an ex-serial sex pest and constantly touring pop star get married, you can be assured that everything will end happily ever after, can’t you? With constant media coverage covering their every move like they’re some sort of wild animal, what could go wrong for Katy Perry and Russell Brand?
You have to question the actions of a couple who haven’t been together long since their Hindu ceremony just over a year ago. Not because we have anything against a religion that prays to elephants, but Katy Perry’s parents are devout Christians. So you’d at least think that her folks would want God to give the thumbs up over Ganesha.
As of yet, there have been no reasons given as to why the marriage collapsed. But before anyone suggests that the two simply drifted apart, wild theories are already being thrown around. Of course, we’re inclined to believe them, so imagine our surprise that Rihanna’s name has been named as one of the rotters who messed everything up.
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Hey! Did you hear about Russell Brand and Katy Perry spending Christmas away from each other? They haven’t been married very long have they? You’d think they’d want to spend the festives (aka Some Time Off Work) together, right?
Well, aside from the myriad of perfectly legitimate reasons why this happened, they’re quite obviously splitting up.
Why? Because that’s what everyone wants. Basically, they’ve got the temerity to appear rather fond of each other. Mercifully, there’s a source on-hand to tell us all otherwise, which is incredibly convenient.
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When celebrities get married, everyone turns into meddling grandmas, demanding offspring because our lives are so hopelessly empty that we need that brief moment of alleviating joy, lived vicariously through someone else.
Christ knows no-one wants to actually have sex with us, let alone have our children, right?
And the latest couple getting their groins shoved toward each other are Katy Perry and Russell Brand. They basically look like they’re having far too much fun as a couple and, as such, we must make them mature into parents… indeed, we must halt their leisure time immediately with shitty nappies, sleepless nights and silent seething.
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Russell Brand has opened his mouth and let a load of words come out that have made disabled people either cry, or want to viciously beat him up with their angry, angry fists.
Has he ill-advisedly said that Katy Perry looks ‘a bit special sometimes’?
NO! Don’t be an idiot. He’s called Paralympic athletes “novelty value”, which is nice of him isn’t it? This, naturally, has made a thousand unprintable jokes run through the head of team ‘spray which is most infuriating. Read More >>>
Russell Brand – essentially James Blunt in a long, thick, acrylic wig – has been kicked out of Japan, meaning that his stay in the East was roughly 3 seconds long. In that time, it is assumed that he told roughly 2 jokes and mugged to an imaginary camera 54,900 times.
That’s right. Japanese authorities didn’t care much for the fact that Katy Perry wanted to show her husband the sights, because they were too busy bundling him out of the country and shouting ‘don’t darken our wildly futuristic doorstep again, y’big clot!’
It is widely accepted that Brand got the heave-ho because of his past, which was mostly heroin based. Japanese authorities don’t like people who have taken drugs over a decade ago for some reason.
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People look at Davina McCall and get irritated by her because she’s squeakily enthusiastic all the time. She’s so bloody clean-cut isn’t she? Right? Wrong. Fact is, before Davina appear on our TV sets, she was something of a mental.
That’s right. She went out with Eric Clapton and between them, they took enough drugs to get the whole of the Outer Hebrides mashed for a month.
Now and again, her drugs past rears its ugly, pus-filled head which has left the former Big Brother presenter nervously chuckling at her children and wondering what to tell them.
And so the time came to sit down and have a chat. Read More >>>
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms.
The problems here are twofold: one – it’s only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two – who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil?
Answers on a postcard please.
Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse‘s ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
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