You may remember Hayden Panettiere from Heroes and… umm… nothing else. Well brace yourself, because you’re about to remember her for being one half of an awkward conversation with a naked Irishman.
That’s right. Hayden was presenting the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast and a streaker found his way onstage with all his balls hanging out.
The actress was about to present the award for Best Song (which went to Lady GaGa, like you care) and a comedian called David Monahan decided to get onstage and show everyone his genitals. Yes we have a video for you to watch.
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Remember Zachary Quinto? He’s the baddie from Heroes. He’s the latest Spock from Star Trek: Generation X or whatever it was called. Well, there’s a chance you women have seen him and like his mountainous, rugged head.
Well he hates yours. He doesn’t like the sleek curves of a lady’s face. He is completely unaroused by your pouting buttocks.
That’s because Quinto likes angry members, hairy backs, chins like emery boards, toe-nails that look like Quavers and armpit hair. Yessir, Zachary Quinto is as gay as the day is long (24 hours gay, if you’re wondering). How do we know?
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A new E4 series called Misfits you say? About a group of young delinquents doing community service?
We’ve not been this put off a new TV series since the Bad Girls pilot. In fact, the likelihood of a good series coming from E4 is akin to that of finding a hen’s tooth, or Tess Daly‘s soul.
Imagine the disquiet and shock which consumed us when we saw the first episode of this teen-insert genre here and discovered it’s actually quite good. Maybe Tess Daly has a soul after all.*
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Oh readers, we can’t tell how long we’ve waited for this day – the day that Hayden Panettiere became a genuine stroppy mare.
We knew she had it in her, sure. But now it’s here and, lord, it is beautiful. How much of a stroppy mare is Hayden Panettiere? Only stroppy enough to try and get Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes because he split up with her last month, that’s how much.
Or maybe Hayden Panettiere has got Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes. Or maybe Hayden Panettiere was sacked from Heroes instead. Nobody watches Heroes any more, so nobody really knows.
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Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia were truly the Romeo and Juliet of actors with impossible-to-spell surnames.
That’s right – were. Fans of freaky relationships between teenagers and much, much older – almost inappropriately older – full-grown adult men should probably sit down for this. Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes have just split up.
Apparently Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have split up because they’re ‘in different places’. But at least now Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia can move onto people nearer their own ages – so Madonna‘s adopted African son and the dusty old knight from the end of Indiana Jones 3, then.
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Two ways to tell that a TV show is in trouble: 1) its producers get fired and 2) the show is so terrible it makes people want to vomit tears.
And that spells a big uh-oh for Heroes, because both of those apply equally to it. The latter has done since around the end of the first season, but the former has only just happened. Heroes co-executive producers Jeph Loeb and Jesse Alexander have been given the boot by NBC in an attempt to make the show decent again.
There’s no word on who’ll replace Loeb and Alexander on Heroes, but we think it’ll be us. We have a three-point Heroes resuscitation plan raring to go, and it’s unbeatable. 1) Reduce the cast down to a key core of characters, 2) ditch all the time travel, and 3) bring in a new character who’s a cartoon time-travelling giraffe who speaks in rhymes like a rapper and has magical sunglasses. Kids still like rap, right?
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If you were to grab hold of any OAP and say: “excuse me, OAP, but could you please give me your opinions on how the youth of today treat the English language†then that OAP will immediately reply “kids these days…lost all respect for the fine traditions of our proud language that was so lovingly leant to us by our Queen – it’s bloody disgusting!â€
Before turning their attentions back to Deal or No Deal and falling asleep for the rest of the week. Bless ‘em.
And maybe they’re on to something. We have Jessica Simpson describing Scarlett Johansson as unbelievably talented; we have uneducated bloggers posting showbiz articles that infuriate the intense-grammar-loving public of America; and now the word ‘genius’ – once saved for people like Newton, Darwin, Einstein and Darren Anderton – has been used to describe Paris bloody Hilton.
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Some movie action heroes really don't cut the mustard. They may be able to talk the talk. But when it comes to walking the walk, they are a drunken, one-legged tramp with a bad limp, short arms and an itchy arse.
They are all mouth and no trousers. Or as our sweet old grandma used to say, "they are all fart and no shit." Anyway, you get the idea. They're the action heroes in film that you know in the real world would not stand up to much. In fact, without the CGI and the body double they are nothing.
Now, movies are all about pretend. We understand that. But there are limits, right? There is a point when your imagination stands up and says 'wait a minute'. And here at hecklerspray we feel it is our duty to expose such charlatans. For the good of mankind, of course. Oh, and if any of the following want to question it, we will be waiting outside. Bring it on!
Behold, the Not-So-Magnificent Seven…
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