Harry Potter stars aren’t exactly brilliant at concealing their modesty, are they?

First Daniel Radcliffe decided to get naked for a play about a mental kid who stabs horses in the eyes, and now Emma Watson‘s at it as well. To be fair, Emma Watson hasn’t waggled her penis around in front of a paying audience at the behest of a frightening imaginary horse-God, but she did show everyone her knickers getting out of a car at her 18th birthday party. Which is sort of the same thing.

Which is all well and good – getting your pants out for the paparazzi is as much a part of being a celebrity these days as complaining about the paparazzi taking pictures of your pants – but we have our concerns. If Emma Watson’s pantyflash gives Ron Weasley any ideas about public nudity, then we’re quite prepared to corkscrew our own eyes out now to protect our fragile minds.

Emma Watson is 18! Hooray! She’s a proper, fully-grown adult! Yay! She can vote! She can drink booze down the pub! She can get married without the permission of her parents! And, best of all, the paparazzi can take gigantically intrusive pictures of her underwear without being worried that it makes them look like paedophiles! Hooray!

Emma Watson had her 18th birthday party on Saturday. And rather than do the traditional 18th birthday thing of going to the local pub and feeling a bit awkward because you’ve been going there for three years anyway and now you’re just rubbing it in the landlord’s face that he was jeopardising his career by illegally selling you alcohol in the past, Emma Watson went to fancy Mayfair restaurant Automat with some friends.

But that’s not the main story here, and nor is the fact that – simply by turning 18 – Emma Watson gets £10 million in Harry Potter wages that her parents had been keeping in a trust for her. No, the main story here is that an enterprising member of the paparazzi managed to jam a camera into Emma Watson’s crotch and snap away at her knickers like a giddy old goose when she was sitting in a car. Or, as The Sun puts it:

The young actress didn’t flash a smile but she did flash something else – so I have covered her modesty with an aptly-placed picture of co-star Rupert Grint.

Oh Emma, now the world knows what your knickers look like. It’s a slippery slope from there, dear. First you flash your knickers, then you decide to go out without any knickers on – giving the paparazzi a view so horrifyingly internal that it’ll turn about an eighth of all men who see the pictures instantly gay – and the next thing you know you’re running round a rehab clinic with a shaved head trying to hang yourself because you’re convinced that you’re the devil.

However, Emma Watson seems like she’s a vaguely intelligent girl, so perhaps she’ll learn from this mistake and only go out wearing trousers or full-length skirts or three-inch thick metal knickers or whatever. But perhaps it’s too late for that. Perhaps now the damage is done.

Remember how Johnny Borrell was all over Emma Watson when he’d only seen her fully-clothed? Now he’s seen what Emma Watson’s knickers look like, so we’d expect that he’s going to start stratching on her patio door and groaning all the time, like the zombies in last scene of I Am Legend, if the zombies wore leotards and looked like they smelt quite bad. Poor Emma, she’s doomed.

Read more:

Cheer up, Her-moany Granger - The Sun

Emma Watson, who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films, might be romantically involved with Johnny Borrell from Razorlight.

OK, that was too much too soon. Wipe away the tea, vomit or blood that the above line caused you to splutter all over your monitor and we'll start again.

Emma Watson might be doing it with Johnny Borrell.

What? You spluttered fluid all over your computer again? Fine, wipe it off and then we'll go into greater detail.

Emma Watson, the girl who plays  prissy young Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, once famously complained that no boys liked her. And that still holds true today. No boys do like Emma Watson – but awful skinny cricket-loving leotard-wearing rah-rah mockney turdholes from shit bands who have unaccountably high opinions of themselves bloody well can't get enough of her.

That's right – it looks frighteningly like Johnny Borrell is after Emma Watson.

According to reports, 17-year-old Emma Watson and 27-year-old Johnny Borrell ran into each other at a Vanity Fair party in London and 'immediately hit it off' before bumbling around London going to various other parties with each other in the same cab. 

Christ alone knows what Emma Watson and Johnny Borrell hit it off about – we're guessing it wasn't a mutual appreciation of each other's work, for the simple fact that Johnny Borrell is in Razorlight and they're about as easy to love as  exploding haemorrhoids.

Anyway, This Is London reports on Emma and Johnny's night of fun:

As Harry Potter's sidekick Hermione Granger, she has little problem defending herself from the most wily of wizards. But actress Emma Watson appeared to fall under the spell of hell-raising rock singer Johnny Borrell when she met him at a London fashion party. The 17-year-old schoolgirl, in flesh-coloured halter neck dress and killer heels, was soon chatting with the star of the group Razorlight… A fellow guest said: "Emma had gone over to speak to Pixie Geldof, who was chatting to Johnny at the time – and Emma and Johnny immediately hit it off. "It was clear they had loads to talk about – even if they don't look like they have much in common."

Fortunately, however, Emma Watson parted ways with Johnny Borrell at the end of the night, so at least we can all breathe a sigh of relief that he didn't put his pee-pee anywhere near her yet.

But, despite this, it's still right to be concerned by these events. Although Emma Watson is now old enough to witness her co-stars' mentally ill penises, it's nothing compared to Johnny Borrell's history with girls. Look at Johnny Borrell and Kirsten Dunst, for example – after they split up she wound up in rehab. Possibly a rehab for people who can't stop scratching at their skin and screaming "I can't believe I ever let him touch me!" but that's just speculation.

Is that what we want to happen to Emma Watson? No, of course not. We want her to follow the tried and true female child-star rule book – which invariably means she will end up in rehab, but only after she's made three successively unpopular mainstream movies and a string of direct to DVD erotic thrillers and before she ends up hosting an early-morning cable children's TV show about a happy pig. We can't let Borrell muddle with the formula.

Anyway, can you see a pattern emerging here – first Johnny Borrell goes out with Kirsten Dunst, an actor who hates acting; and then he sets his sights on Emma Watson, an actor who hates acting. It's perfectly clear that Johnny Borrell has a set type here, and if we were Hugh Grant we'd be bricking it.

Read more:

What would Harry say? 'Hermione' hits the town with bad boy rocker Johnny Borrell – This Is London