What a week this has been for gratuitous celebrity nudity! Vanessa Hudgens got naked! Ashley Greene got naked!
And that’s it. No other celebrities have got naked. Yes, technically we know that Heidi Montag has a six-page spread in Playboy this month, but we won’t count her because a) the day that we consider Heidi Montag to be a celebrity is the day that we take up misery-stricken self-harming and b) Heidi Montag didn’t actually get naked in Playboy.
The news will come as a profound disappointment to all red-blooded men. No, wait, Heidi Montag fans. No? Oh, that’s right – nobody. Sorry.
Want to become famous? OK, here’s how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit.