Articles tagged with: Heidi Montag
Heidi Montag A Huge Fan Of Heidi Montag At Miss Universe
Miss Universe is known for its quest for perfectionism, which is why the entire universe is allowed to enter. And this year, it did it. Miss Universe 2009 was perfect. Not because, for once, the winner probably won't fall off the rails and end up topless in a bar exchanging grubby sexual favours for free drinks, but because of its tentpole musical number, a performance of Body Language by Heidi Montag from The Hills. And Heidi Montag loved her Miss Universe performance. Which is just as well, really, because everyone else thought it was a big pile of monkey balls.
Miss Universe is known for its quest for perfectionism, which is why the entire universe is allowed to enter. And this year, it did it. Miss Universe 2009 was perfect. Not because, for once, the winner probably won't fall off the rails and end up topless in a bar exchanging grubby sexual favours for free drinks, but because of its tentpole musical number, a performance of Body Language by Heidi Montag from The Hills. And Heidi Montag loved her Miss Universe performance. Which is just as well, really, because everyone else thought it was a big pile of monkey balls.
Heidi Montag! Naked! For Playboy! With Most Of Her Clothes On!
What a week this has been for gratuitous celebrity nudity! Vanessa Hudgens got naked! Ashley Greene got naked! And that's it. No other celebrities have got naked. Yes, technically we know that Heidi Montag has a six-page spread in Playboy this month, but we won't count her because a) the day that we consider Heidi Montag to be a celebrity is the day that we take up misery-stricken self-harming and b) Heidi Montag didn't actually get naked in Playboy. The news will come as a profound disappointment to all red-blooded men. No, wait, Heidi Montag fans. No? Oh, that's right - nobody. Sorry.
What a week this has been for gratuitous celebrity nudity! Vanessa Hudgens got naked! Ashley Greene got naked! And that's it. No other celebrities have got naked. Yes, technically we know that Heidi Montag has a six-page spread in Playboy this month, but we won't count her because a) the day that we consider Heidi Montag to be a celebrity is the day that we take up misery-stricken self-harming and b) Heidi Montag didn't actually get naked in Playboy. The news will come as a profound disappointment to all red-blooded men. No, wait, Heidi Montag fans. No? Oh, that's right - nobody. Sorry.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Final!
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
Heidi Montag Threatens World With Nudey Playboy Shoot
Want to become famous? OK, here's how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit. Honestly, it works. Thanks to her being awful on The Hills and then vomiting a bit on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Heidi Montag has never been so famous. And now she's finally achieved fame, it's time for her to use that fame for something important and philanthropic and world-changing. Heidi Montag is going to pose naked for Playboy. What? It could be worse. She could be doing something that involves her voice.
Want to become famous? OK, here's how you do it. 1) Be completely awful. 2) Spend a few hours in a dark room until you vomit. Honestly, it works. Thanks to her being awful on The Hills and then vomiting a bit on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Heidi Montag has never been so famous. And now she's finally achieved fame, it's time for her to use that fame for something important and philanthropic and world-changing. Heidi Montag is going to pose naked for Playboy. What? It could be worse. She could be doing something that involves her voice.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Week Two Begins
Yes, we had to check that, too. But it's true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. The big story during the past week has been Speidi's will-they/won't-they shenanigans. Sadly, the issue in question is not "Will they or won't they go crazy and kill each other using a machete, a coconut and a pint of the world's most painfully toxic snake venom?", but the rather more mundane "Will they be allowed to re-enter the camp and inflict their self-love on us for the rest of the show, or will they be sent back to Beverley Hills with their suitcases, label-free shampoos and a terrible case of the world's most painfully toxic jungle fever?". Shame.
Yes, we had to check that, too. But it's true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. The big story during the past week has been Speidi's will-they/won't-they shenanigans. Sadly, the issue in question is not "Will they or won't they go crazy and kill each other using a machete, a coconut and a pint of the world's most painfully toxic snake venom?", but the rather more mundane "Will they be allowed to re-enter the camp and inflict their self-love on us for the rest of the show, or will they be sent back to Beverley Hills with their suitcases, label-free shampoos and a terrible case of the world's most painfully toxic jungle fever?". Shame.
Heidi Montag Hospitalised, Spencer Pratt’s Grotty Beard A Suspect
Heidi Montag is as hard as nails. She is. True, she might look like a scrawny, pointless waste of skin, but she's hard. How hard is Heidi Montag? Hard enough to appear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Hard enough to leave after a few days because it was too difficult. Hard enough to return again almost immediately because she couldn't stand being out of the limelight for even a millisecond. Hard enough to wind up going to hospital because she didn't like being made to only eating beans for a day. Again, Heidi Montag is hardore.
Heidi Montag is as hard as nails. She is. True, she might look like a scrawny, pointless waste of skin, but she's hard. How hard is Heidi Montag? Hard enough to appear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Hard enough to leave after a few days because it was too difficult. Hard enough to return again almost immediately because she couldn't stand being out of the limelight for even a millisecond. Hard enough to wind up going to hospital because she didn't like being made to only eating beans for a day. Again, Heidi Montag is hardore.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Girls
Day Two of the Costa Rican shenanigans, and we present to you the lady contestants. Oh, and Janice Dickinson, who has been flung into this group in the absence of a 'Leather Handbag' team. Second day, and already two people have left the show. Unsurprisingly, and happily, it was the two most irritating and juvenile little twatcans ever to darken the jungle's doorstep. Do jungles have doorsteps? The answer, and more, after the jump.
Day Two of the Costa Rican shenanigans, and we present to you the lady contestants. Oh, and Janice Dickinson, who has been flung into this group in the absence of a 'Leather Handbag' team. Second day, and already two people have left the show. Unsurprisingly, and happily, it was the two most irritating and juvenile little twatcans ever to darken the jungle's doorstep. Do jungles have doorsteps? The answer, and more, after the jump.
Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Get Married, Are Happy. Ugh.
Young love is beautiful isn't it? Unless it's between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - then it's weird and a bit incest-looking. Oh, we're kidding. Slightly. The love between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills can't be denied, because they've just got married. And they've definitely got married because they love each other, and not because it's another feeble excuse to put their grizzled faces and dead, dead eyes on the front of more magazines. You may remember that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt already got married once last year. Why the new wedding? Because God hates you, that's why.
Young love is beautiful isn't it? Unless it's between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - then it's weird and a bit incest-looking. Oh, we're kidding. Slightly. The love between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills can't be denied, because they've just got married. And they've definitely got married because they love each other, and not because it's another feeble excuse to put their grizzled faces and dead, dead eyes on the front of more magazines. You may remember that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt already got married once last year. Why the new wedding? Because God hates you, that's why.
