Welcome back #friends, #romans and #teamfollowback! How the devil are you? Good. Good. Still beliebing? Us too. Yep. Despite it all. No, we didn’t do much for #Malickmonday either, we were too wiped out from #1Dmemories. Yeah, we know. Yeah, we must have used the whole tub of antiseptic wipes too. Boy, what a Friday night to remember that was. Who even needs repression anyway? So funny.
SO, after the roaring success of last week’s pilot feature Dr Heckle (two retweets, and a phone call off mother saying she hasn’t had time to read the article yet because she’d just bought Ice Age 3 on DVD, but that she still loves us because she didn’t have a Caesarean) we are back!
Like #Backstreet, and #Sexy, and #Shady, and #BabyGot are also unswervingly pretty back. We never let you guys down, because we’re all understanding and streetwise but still like to have a good time as long as we take care of our responsibilities lol. You know what we’re like when we get protective. Just think of it like this: We are the Three Men and you are the Little Lady. Great. Now we’re on the same page.
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Tulisa off of ‘N Dubz’ has split up with that other bloke Fazer out of ‘N Dubz’ because they were just having a hard time. What’s that you say? Not the best of starts to the week? Well congratu-bloody-lations on that nugget of wisdom, Sherlock. You THINK?
APPAZ (It’s definitely an ‘appaz’ moment. Please give us one ‘appaz’.) Tulisa moved out of the couple’s North London haunt, at some point sometime in the past week probably, and the only reason we’re a bit hazy on that is only because we’re very vulnerable and are having trouble keeping our calenders straight in our shaky callous fingers right now, before you start.
What’s more, it’s not been looking too good for the Camden childhood sweethearts as it was, seeing as their holiday in the Maldives the other day didn’t half go all post-traumatic stressy bessy anyway. We just really didn’t fancy mentioning that at the time, because we didn’t want to make your lovely little faces do that thing.. YES, THAT. THAT THING YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW. With the tears. Stop that. Think our problems are really as big as Sinead O Connor’s, do we? Mmm. Well maybe pour another glass of brandy, listen to Mandinka on a slower RPM, and then grow a heart. (Sorry, we’re still sad.)
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Just when we thought that 2012 was getting off to a rocking start, what with us discovering there was one less Kardashian in the world and all, Heidi Klum and Seal have to shit on our parade by announcing they are getting a divorce.
The golden couple, who must have Hitler spinning in his grave, are filing for divorce after six years of marriage, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Heidi Klum is a human contradiction – by all rights, she should be a mega bitch, but no-one seems to have passed on the memo that if you’re a towering German supermodel worth over £20million, you’re TOTALLY within your rights to act like the biggest douche in the world.
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Halloween is just about the perfect festival. Why? Well, because there’s no stupid religion involved, you can get as drunk as you like, guilt free.
GUILT FREE!
Better yet, you can get drunk while dressed as a brain-eating zombie. What’s not to like? Apart from trick or treating children. NOTHING. THAT’S WHAT. And someone who really, really enjoys Halloween is Heidi Klum. She makes a real effort this time of year and so, we’re having a look at her best outfits from her Halloween ball.
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Heidi Klum has a new television show which sounds incredible. Seriously. Television is about to make a giant leap forward into unknown, daring new territory with Seriously Funny Kids, which chronicles the pant-soakingly hilarious things children say out loud from their snot-caked little mouth holes.
Klum, who is charisma incarnate and not in any way duller than mop water, stars in the unscripted series which features the model interacting with children and prodding them until they say something suitably funny. It is not clear whether Klum will be required to smile during the show.
However, while Klum really loves stupid children, there’s one thing that really sticks a sickle through her pickle… and that’s swearing. Y’know? Like saying ‘fuck’.
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Good tradition of love and hate.
Folded:
Creased:
- Daybreak is doing well then (pity, the presenters are such a likeable couple. No desire to stick them in one of those traps in the Saw movies at all)
- Ikea kitchen advert (annoying friends of Mark Ronson have a shindig. Terrific cover of Jona Lewie’s You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties though. Oh, and look out for him in the video)
- Absence of trick or treaters (must have been because The X-Factor was on. How very sad)
- The call-in cost for The Gadget Show competition (sure, you don’t HAVE to call in but who can be bothered to send a postcard? £1.50 Is a lot of money when you still consider baked beans a meal)
- Movie t-shirts you will actually look cool wearing (especially this one)
Victoria’s Secret? Well, it’s not really a secret at all.
Want to sell some underwear? Just get some of the hottest women alive to prance around in it.
It’s that simple. Seriously, stick Heidi Klum in an advert for anything and we would be at the front of the queue. Even if it is thrush cream.
Job done. But who are the hottest Victoria’s Secret models of all? Well, all we can say is, we certainly enjoyed trying to find out.
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We love Sports Illustrated swimwear models here at hecklerspray.
Sure, we like looking at the pictures of beautiful girls but we also like to think they are performing an important role of getting more people interested in swimming. Well, put it this way, nothing has made us more interested in the breaststroke than the thought of a lovely girl in a tight-fitting bikini.
OK, enough of the terrible jokes and roll on the pictures of half-naked women…
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