Celebrity Big Brother viewer, you have spoken. And it’s because of you that Heidi and Katia are no more.
Not literally no more, you understand – this is Celebrity Big Brother, not Jim’ll Fix It – but they’ve been evicted anyway. What’ll they do now that they’re free agents? Who knows – our guess is that Katia will try to sell lurid stories about Basshunter‘s penis and Heidi will continue to slowly and visibly melt like some kind of depressed snowman – but let’s forget about those idiots.
There are still all kinds of woeful dullards in the Celebrity Big Brother house, so let’s have a peek at them instead. Good idea? No? Well tough, we’re doing it anyway…
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Oh thank God for that. This time last week it looked as if Celebrity Big Brother had got its mojo back.
It hadn’t, of course. Now it’s clear that the closest thing to a celebrity in the Celebrity Big Brother this year is a woman who was on Coronation Street for a short amount of time a year ago, the audience has fallen away again, with people only tuning in out of a mixture of snow-induced tedium and profound self-loathing.
However, Celebrity Big Brother is still going – with Heidi Fleiss, Katia Ivanova and Lady Sovereign first up for eviction – so we’d better see how all the housemates are doing, right? Hooray for everything…
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Celebrity Big Brother is here again, for the very last time. Oh, at least try to look excited, would you?
Because when it’s gone, it’s gone for good. And where will you get to see barely-famous Z-listers debasing themselves in a series of horrific ways for a comparatively meagre amount of cash when it’s over? What? Hotel Babylon? Oh.
But anyway, as is our wont, we’ll be dipping in and out of Celebrity Big Brother over the next few weeks to keep you up to date about whatever dreary self-promoting nonsense the housemates happen to be getting up to. But before that, let’s look at this year’s collection of Celebrity Big Brother subnormals, shall we?
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Heidi Fleiss is notorious for many things, like getting prostitutes to bang celebrities for cash and the way she looks like one of those bird-monsters from The Dark Crystal, but now we can add drugs to the list, too.
Heidi Fleiss was arrested in Nevada yesterday for – deep breath – investigation of driving under the influence and possessing drugs without a prescription.
We don't know any details, but we think that probably means that Heidi Fleiss had some over-the-counter medicine on her, and we're guessing it was Dulco Ease. Basically we're insinuating that Heidi Fleiss' bowel is jam-packed with rock-hard impacted turds.
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