Heather Small - HecklerSpray

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small Skids Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It took four dance-offs, but it finally happened – last night Heather Small was finally booted off Strictly Come Dancing.

Due to something that’s either racism or an intense hatred of M People, depending on if you ask News Of The World or us, Heather Small’s Strictly Come Dancing Tango to Rebel Rebel just couldn’t cut the mustard with the viewers. Ironically, this was despite it being less offensively porny than her routine from last week, but admittedly that’s not hard – actual porn is less offensively porny than Heather Small was last week.

But now Heather Small is gone, who’s going to win Strictly Come Dancing? here’s part one of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recaps, for Tom Chambers and Jodie Kidd…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle Totters Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Given that he danced like Frankenstein’s monster trampling bubblewrap, Andrew Castle was never going to get far on Strictly Come Dancing.

And yesterday he went. Despite an injury, Andrew Castle unsuccessfully decided to draw attention away from his dicky knee by waggling his shoulders around like an electrocution victim and sort of thrusting his arms about like he was trying to fight off an army of invisible rapists. Not even Andrew Castle’s dance partner rubbing her fanny up and down his bad knee could save him, and that’s really saying something.

So, with Andrew Castle gone, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps this week, for Austin Healey and Heather Small…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Tom Chambers

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s time for out third Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week. Don’t say we never give you anything.

But before we get to that, cast your mind back a few weeks to when we pointed out that shuttling backwards and forwards between the UK and America might end up doing Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman in? We think we saw the fist signs of that on Saturday – Len was preposterously grumpy during the entire show. And we’re not even halfway through yet – he’ll do someone in with an axe by Christmas, mark our words.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Tom Chambers…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Don Warrington Waddles Off

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Last night Don Warrington became what we’re assuming to be the millionth contestant to leave Strictly Come Dancing this year.

We know why, of course. Don’s secret weapon in Strictly Come Dancing was his face – he only danced well when he was pulling an expression like a naked midget with excessive bodyhair was trying to jab a poo-covered stick up one of his nostrils. But since he was dancing an American Smooth to Can’t Smile Without You on Saturday, Don had to trade in his repulsed glower for something a bit more civilised. And that’s where it all fell apart.

So with Don Warrington out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Rachel Stevens, Lisa Snowdon and Heather Small…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Cherie Lunghi

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s time for day two of this week’s set of Strictly Come Dancing recaps, which means we can remain eerily fixated on the women.

But before we get to that, does anyone get freaked out by the way that Bruce Forsyth specifically welcomes children to each episode of Strictly Come Dancing? If you ask us, children shouldn’t be allowed to watch Strictly Come Dancing – what sort of an example does a show like that set to the youth of today? What if they decide that they want to be Jessie Wallace when they grow up? WHAT THEN, BRUCE?

So anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Cherie Lunghi…

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Rachel Stevens

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Ready for some more recaps of Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing? You’ve come to the right place. We’re presuming you just answered ‘yes’ to that, by the way.

Of course, these recaps are just a warm-up for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, when all the male celebrities get to take another turn at destroying their masculinity in a procession of frilly blouses and sparkly shoes while trying not to stare at their partner’s cleavage because they know their wife’s in the audience. Wholesome.

Anyway, cracking on with the Strictly Come Dancing recap, here’s what we made of Heather Small and Rachel Stevens…