Heart - HecklerSpray

Kevin Federline Is Feelin’ Fine And Not Dying Of A Heart Attack At All!

January 25th, 2012 By Kris Silver

It's okay everybody, you can relax, there's no more need to worry, Kevin Federline is fine.

We know, you were scared that K-Fed might be taken from us too soon, but we're pleased to announce that all is well with Britney?s Baby Daddy and he didn't actually suffer a heart attack that none of us would have cared about.

Federline was hospitalised earlier this week after he collapsed whilst filming a weight loss show in Australia, he was quickly rushed to hospital along with the paramedics who had initially tried to lift him onto the stretcher.

Nancy Wilson and Cameron Crowe Don’t Love Each Other Anymore

September 24th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Cameron Crowe, who gave us Jerry Maguire and Almost Famous has always been liked for his general feel-goodery and lack of cynicism in his films. He also wrote for Rolling Stone magazine, which is nice.

What isn’t so nice is his love. His love is currently in an incubator all bruised and battered.

That’s because he doesn’t love his wife anymore. Nancy Wilson, from poodle rockers Heart, doesn’t love him either. It’s devastating news for we in the hecklerspray bedsit because we were supposed to be going round their house for our tea this weekend.

Toni Braxton Sacks Off Las Vegas

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Poor old Toni Braxton. For close to two years Toni has spent night after night grinding out a living as a Las Vegas casino performer and nobody cared.

But now Toni Braxton has finally got the attention she deserves. Thanks to the mysterious, potentially life-threatening chest pains that took her off to hospital last week, Toni Braxton has never been so famous and her Vegas show is bound to sell even more tickets than ever as a result.

Except that it won’t, because Toni Braxton has cancelled all of her shows for the rest of April while she recovers. Stupid chest pains – they give you all the thrill of being famous with none of the cardiovascular functionality of being healthy. Hardly ideal, is it?

Toni Braxton Hospitalised For Some Urgent Heart-Unbreaking

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Toni Braxton – the female R&B singer you haven't seen, heard or thought about once in the last 12 years – has been hospitalised in Las Vegas.

Although the exact nature of Toni Braxton's illness hasn't been revealed, some have claimed that she was rushed to hospital with chest pains – a sign that Toni Braxton could be suffering from a flare up of her pre-existing pericarditis.

Pericarditis, of course, is an inflammation of the lining of the heart. Ironic, really, since Toni Braxton's most famous song was entitled Un-Break My Heart. When will these celebrities realise that singing lovelorn powerballads about diseases that they suffer from is no substitute for the progressive nature of medical science?

Kate Nash Almost Died This One Time

March 31st, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

A heart operation Kate Nash had when she was eighteen influenced her subsequent musical career, says FemaleFirst.

Ms. Nash had the operation after discovering she had the possibly life-threatening heart condition tachycardia and the thought of her imminent death apparently spurred the fake cockney on to pursue her present career in raping other people’s ears.

Heath Ledger: Perhaps It Wasn’t The Drugs After All

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Although initial reports claimed that Heath Ledger died from a drug overdose – accidental or otherwise – now it appears that they might have been way off the mark.

Because now sources apparently close to the investigation into Heath Ledger's death suspect that he may have died because his heart just stopped. Whether it was a heart attack or something else – or whether these natural death claims are completely inaccurate – remains to be seen. But if it is true, then at least Jack Nicholson was wrong the other day.

And that's always heartwarming news.

Eminem Gets Pneumonia & Goes To Hospital

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It's been a long time since we heard from Eminem, but in the meantime it looks like he's been keeping busy by eating cake and walking around in wet clothes.

It's been reported, you see, that Eminem went to hospital over the Christmas period because of a serious heart condition and complications from pneumonia, with sources adding that he's increased in weight to over 200 lb. Of course, this illness and massive weight-gain means that Eminem can't be called Slim Shady any more, and so he's thought to be deciding on a new name, with either Fatt Poorly or Pensioner'z Illnezz being current front-runners.

Wayne Newton’s Sickly Heart Stops The Music

March 31st, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

It’s simply amazing the lengths celebrities are going to for this whole writer’s strike thing.

You know, like how Ellen DeGeneres cancelled taping her show in NYC, Julia Louis-Dreyfus picketed arm in arm with Wanda Sykes, Garth Brooks cancelled his TV appearances, and so on.

But all of these people are total poseurs because if you really want to support a cause, you develop a life-threatening chronic illness that causes you to cancel shows for months on end disappointing lonely middle-aged women everywhere like Wayne Newton has done. Wayne Newton and his virus-ridden heart are the only celebrity making any real sacrifices here.

The rest of you people just make us sick.