Everything is in place for the Big Britney Spears Comeback – she has a new song, a new video and she’s learnt how to wear clothes properly and not cry again.
There’s just one thing missing – the grovelling atonement for all of her wrongs. But, wait, because that’s coming too – Britney Spears has announced a 90-minute MTV documentary all about her personal upsets, to be called something like but not necessarily Britney Spears: Yeah, Sorry About Shaving My Hair Off And Screaming About How I’m The Devil And Stuff.
It’s hoped that the documentary will be Britney Spears’ way of describing all the terrible mental anguish she’s been through in past through years, so that hopefully everyone can understand her side and put it behind them. Well, not all of Britney Spears’ mental anguish, obviously – it’s only a 90-minute documentary and she’ll probably want to spend more than a fifth of a nanosecond describing each of her individual character flaws.
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From DIETPIXIE- It seems nothing really can put Patrick Swayze in a corner.
Just a few months ago, the Dirty Dancing star had weeks to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But it was reported this week that 55-year-old Patrick Swayze is actually returning to work.
Yes, you heard that right: cancer-stricken Patrick Swayze is going to be back on your TV screens very soon. Next year, in fact.
It’s not the first time he has been linked with a return. Only a couple of weeks ago, there were rumours he was to star in a sequel of the highly-successful surfing movie Point Break.
But he quickly denied that that was the case, which, of course, we all expected. I mean, he has cancer, right!?
However, this week Patrick Swayze confirmed he will be returning to work – in the TV show The Beast – after the doctors confirmed he is fit to resume work.
Fit to resume work? Pretty incredible! I mean this is not a bout of the flu – he has an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer, for God’s sake!
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We’d always figured that Ozzy Osbourne was pretty libel-proof, because whatever you accuse him of, chances are he’s already done it.
Snorting a line of ants? Check. Chewing the heads off animals? Check. Urinating on the Alamo? Check. Getting hammered and trying to murder his wife? Check. Falling over a couple of times before the Brit Awards earlier this year? No way! Ugh! You sick bastard! Suggest that and Ozzy Osbourne will sue your tits off.
And win, too – Ozzy Osbourne has won undisclosed damages from the Daily Star after it claimed that Ozzy had a health scare right before the Brit Awards that almost saw him get withdrawn from the show. Turns out, though, that he was such a shaky and incoherent mess during the Brit Awards because he’s Ozzy Osbourne. Sheesh.
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It's been a day and a half since Britney Spears was taken to UCLA hospital and kept on psychiatric hold, but have things improved for Britney since then?
Not really. It's been reported that medics at the hospital have classified Britney Spears as 'GD' – or Gravely Disabled, which allows them to keep Britney against her will.
Seeing Britney Spears described as Gravely Disabled by expert professionals might look incredibly shocking, but don't worry – Gravely Disabled is actually two or three notches up from Wanting To Marry Kevin Federline, so at least we can presume that Britney Spears is on the up and up.
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