Larry David, the man who’s brought us partially ad-libbed cringe comedy for the last THREE HUNDRED YEARS has told ESPN New York that he is still having fun filming Curb Your Enthusiasm. This statement flies in the face of criticism from some corners of the press which suggest that the show has lost its way.

David, responsible for being part of the team that brought us the equally diabolical Seinfeld, in which unlikeable cockhorse Jerry Seinfeld jogged through life in (admittedly wonderful) trainers while making bland observations about everyday occurrences.

This was all while his equally neurotic friends jogged their way miserably through their own lives, somehow finding them enriched by Jerry’s incessant bland observations.

Okay, so we know that Seinfeld wasn’t actually that bad but it’s what you get with hindsight. Angry.

On the subject of ‘Curb’ its creator told ESPN Radio New York host Mike Lupica that he can barely keep a straight face while filming scenes for the show. It must be really hard to see the obvious “bite moment” coming after eight years making a show.

“Well, I’ve always had fun doing the show, and I guess that’s why I keep doing it after eight years… It’s hard for me to do a take without laughing really.”

Yeah. Laughing all the way to the bank! (Sorry)

Curb Your Enthusiasm has previously examined Larry’s adoption plans and a (hopefully fictional) Seinfeld reunion, but David insists that the success of the show’s eighth run may be due to a lack of a story arc. That’s how all successful television works, of  course. By tearing out the story in favour of self-indulgent nonsense from a man who believes you should care about his life. After all, he did Seinfeld.

Not to paint Larry David as a bit of a cock but in a previous interview, he opened up about his personal life, revealing that he went off marriage following his 2007 divorce.

“It would be a silly thing [to marry again]… Why would I do it? Why would I want that contract? I already have kids. The best situation is being a single parent.

“The best part about it is that you get time off too, because the kids are with their mum, so it’s the best of both worlds. There’s a lot to be said for it.”

After all, it’s no father’s prerogative to want to spend as much time as he possibly can with his children. Who wouldn’t want to keep a woman around to win custody and act like an expensive babysitter. After all, Larry needs time off in his busy schedule to remind everyone that he was responsible for Seinfeld!

He had something to do with Seinfeld. Just in case you came close to forgetting. If you forget, Larry David will cut you while you sleep.

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Paz de la Huerta – who you’ve never heard of because she’s an actress on Boardwalk Empire, which is only watched by eight broadsheet writers and a handful of saps in slacks – has been charged with assault.

Who has she attacked? Well, you’ll be fizzing with excitement when you discover that she set-about ‘City’ star Samantha Swetra.

Amazing! It would appear that Paz has been charged with 5 misdemeanor charges, including two counts of 3rd degree assault, 4th degree criminal possession of a weapon, attempted assault and harassment. Great list.

Hilariously (because it is amazingly trashy), Paz is reported to have lobbed a glass at Samantha and followed it up with a punch square in the face of this Samantha character at a party at the Standard Hotel. This means De la Huerta will be going back to court on May 19th to say sorry and do her best to say she was misunderstood when she yelled:

‘I’m a real actress on HBO! She’s a fake actress publicity-seeker!’

Even classier, Paz apparently went about her fight while (allegedly) drunk as a skunk, falling all over the place with her boobs hanging out. Fantastic.

Swetra was having a nice time talking to Lindsay Lohan at the time. We knew (and hoped) that she wouldn’t be able to stay away from trouble for too long.

There, thrilled spectators watch a scrap that apparently saw de la Huerta beating Swetra repeatedly until her nose and mouth poured with crimson, b-list blood. If she is convicted, de la Huerta could have a nice time sulking in prison for a year.

Now, if other celebrities could take note, this is the kind of behaviour we expect of you, okay?

Sort it out.

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Sarah Palin is a fascinating creature. She’s managed to succeed in life by having little more than a will to rise to the top. Seriously. Very, very little more. She’s not smart, she isn’t a good diplomat but she is determined.

And soon, there’s a very good chance she’ll have the codes to blow the entire world up. Amazing. Think about it. A village idiot running the Western World, tottering up to diplomats from the Far East and saying things like “why do you guys squint all the time? Haven’t you got sunglasses over here?!”

It was only a matter of time before someone decided to make a film about Palin. She’s perfect for parody. And taking the role is Julianne Moore.

Moore will have to don some glasses, a ski-jacket and a blank, lifeless expression while chirruping “YOU BETCHA!” in a movie that will cover Palin’s 2008 presidential campaign.

The flick, made for TV of course (Palin may well be a staggering dolt but she’s not done enough to warrant an actual cinema release… yet. Give her another couple of years and we’ll be set) on HBO, will be called Game Change, which is based on the book of the same name by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin.

The book, amusingly, savages Palin, going into her wild mood swings, which have been describes our future leader of the universe as able to go into a ‘catatonic stupor’. According to the tome, senior figures in the McCain campaign actually wondered out loud that she was actually mentally unstable.

And this could provide some bleak, dark comedy from Moore’s portrayal of Palin The Nutter.

One describes scenes of Palin living in squalor, surrounded by mouldy food and stacks and stacks of endless index cards as she crammed up on policy and whatnot.

Of course, it goes without saying that Team Palin have dismissed the book’s allegations as inaccurate gossip (the best kind of gossip).

The chap making the show/film/thingy was behind Meet The Parents, so it is safe to assume that this document of Palin’s rise may not be a wholly serious one (because, in fairness, you couldn’t ever hope to take Palin wholly seriously, which ironically, is her most powerful weapon).

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Phil Spector is a great example of a person that should be divorced from the music he made. Basically, he’s a hideous prick… but some of the productions he gave us are magnificent. Of course, he’s not the only nasty shit that had a hand in great records, but he is a proper bastard.

As such, demented people like Mr Wall of Sound are much more interesting and thereby more likely to have films made of them. Can you imagine a biopic of Taylor Swift? It’d be 3 hours of someone saying “…which was nice”, apart from the brief Kanye appearance which, “turned out okay in the end.”

So who would play Phil Spector in a film? Would you need a separate team just to control his gigantic wigs? Well, Al Pacino is reported to be staring as the controversial music producer who is currently serving life in prison for murder.

If the idea of a  biopic about Spector’s life isn’t intriguing enough, the addition of Pacino makes it even more interesting. Pacino has apparently said he finds Spector a ‘very interesting character’. He means ‘absolutely barking mental’. Read between the lines folks.

In addition to this, the biopic is being made by HBO Films. We’re legally obliged by the Those In The Know Board to say that HBO is really cool and made The Wire. Even though The Wire really wasn’t that great.

If you don’t know what Spector did, in his prime, he was behind some of the best pop songs ever made. We’re talking The Ronettes’ ‘Be My Baby’, the Righteous Brothers’ ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feelin’ and The Beatles’ ‘Let It Be’ album.

We all know that Spector was fond of sticking guns in people’s faces… just ask The Ramones who Spector was particularly fond of sticking a barrel in the faces of… and, well, he stuck a gun in the face of Lana Clarkson and, in what would be his downfall, pulled the trigger too.

At the time, he allegedly told one reporter:

“She kissed the gun.”

That’s a little too close to notorious Spector production hit, ‘He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)’ for our liking. Spector was a maverick in the studio and chilling in the flesh. It’s little wonder that there’s someone as big as Pacino lining up to play him.

However, Pacino is certainly too old to play a young Phil Spector if the film is to cover his entire life.

The as yet untitled film is said currently in development stages and no release date has been given. Whenever it comes out, it will attract a lot of attention, no questions.

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Oprah Winfrey rules all mediums; television, radio, magazines and – thanks to Screaming Round Lady Go-Go 100% – Japanese anime.

But there’s one medium that Oprah Winfrey hasn’t dabbled in for a while – movies. Sure, she was nominated for an Oscar for The Color Purple, but that was over 20 years ago.

So it’s great to hear that Oprah Winfrey has just signed a deal to make mini-series, movies, documentaries and series. Best of all, she’s making them all for HBO, so she can either be like The Sopranos and be intelligent and groundbreaking or be like Entourage and be annoyingly smug. You know, for a change.

There’s so much more to Oprah Winfrey than the mistaken belief that we all care about how fat she is as much as she does. Wherever you look, Oprah Winfrey has it nailed down. She’s got a TV show, she’s got magazines, you can listen to her on the radio and she’ll soon have an entire network devoted to nothing but a close-up of her face with fire reflected in eyes that’s accompanied by the sound of distant crying babies.

But that’s not enough for Oprah Winfrey. Oprah isn’t going to stop this inexorable march towards global domination until every child born on this planet is named Oprah and learns how to screech about free cars from a pointlessly young age. Or at least until she gets to make some low-grade movies and TV shows for HBO.

Which, hey, happen to be now. Although as far as drama goes, Oprah Winfrey is probably best-known for her Oscar-nominated performance in The Color Purple, but she’s also pretty handy behind the scenes, too – producing films and TV shows like Their Eyes Were Watching God, Before Women Had Wings and The Great Debaters.

And now, thanks to the deal she’s just signed with HBO, there’s going to be a bunch more where that came from. Reuters reports:

Oprah Winfrey’s production company has signed a deal to make movies, documentaries and series for cable channel HBO, Harpo Films and HBO said on Tuesday. Kate Forte, president of Harpo Films, said HBO offered a unique blend of format and creativity on television, “and the quality and range of their subjects are extraordinary.”

And, what’s more, you can swear and take your clothes off on HBO too, which is why the first three projects we expect Oprah Winfrey to work on with HBO are remakes of her old hits, like Their Tits Were Watching Porn, Before Women Had Fannies and, obviously, The Masturbators.

Since Oprah Winfrey is involved here, we’ve no doubt at all that this HBO deal will be a success. Just don’t expect to see Oprah herself making an appearance in any of the new shows – these days, when people see an old fat black woman on TV they just assume it’s Tyler Perry dressing up again and switch off.

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Sonny Barger is a completely literate man. In the past he’s used his incredible ability to read to pen four books, maybe design motorcycle gang sleeve patches, and practice his cursive until it was pretty enough to win fourth at a state-wide cursive derby.

Also he used it to found the Hell’s Angels.

Yet even with such an impressive, well written, grammatically correct resume, HBO doesn’t seem to care. They think he’s a bandana-wearing douche that smells of rusty switchblades. They probably think that. We assume that is what they probably think.

And now the opinion that the mega channel may or may not have is getting them drawn into court. Because Sonny Barger reads well enough to know he’s been cut out of a pretty big development deal in a biker series he helped pitch to them.

Allegedly allegedly allegedly.

Perhaps it is because the guys at HBO didn’t want their dead skulls and the skulls of their immediate family for three generations in either direction to adorn Sonny Barger’s keychain. Or perhaps it’s because the guys at HBO were just uncomfortable watching all those bugs jump out of his beard every time he’d sneeze. Whatever the reason, HBO has decided to cut all ties with Barger and and run with the show he gave him. Allegedly again.

You see, Barger is a biker – and not just any biker – he founded the Hell’s Angels, and came up with the idea that they should sell grasshopper cookies as a fund raiser instead of robbing immigrants, bar-keeps and one-legged strippers. Well we’re not actually sure about that last bit actually, but he did found the Hell’s Angels.

And he claims to have used his gang-forming ability to craft a show concept so good it had HBO drooling in their would-be used leather motorcycle chaps. But then something so horrible happened only the Hollywood Reporter can find the proper words for it:

“Hells Angels founder Sonny Barger filed a lawsuit last week against the pay cable network, the production company behind the project and its writer/executive producer Michael Tolkin claiming that the concept and the script for the show were developed with his collaboration. The complaint, filed in Los Angeles federal court, contends that HBO, the White Mountain Co. and Tolkin cut him out of the project and violated many of his publicity rights when he demanded changes to protect his own brand.”

His own brand, we assume, being stinky and accidentally dreadlocked. But seriously – HBO better be careful – Barger’s biker boys would probably still do anything for him. After all – it was them who were trying to murder Mick Jagger’s face off, and it was them who unleashed such a horrid legal torrent against the Disney movie Wild Hogs. Remember that?

HBO – you don’t need him. What you do need is a fantastic pilot about the goings on in the office of the 45th most powerful blog in the world. We have all kinds of drama. For instance Stu hoardes staplers, and Laidlow keeps what we all think is Bill Bixby‘s remains in an extremely tattered refrigerator box under a cafeteria table.

Come to think of it, you could even put Bixby in the credits. If that’s not an audience draw ain’t nothing an audience draw.

Read More:

Report: Hells Angels Founder Sues HBO Over Biker Series – Associated Press