You may remember Hayden Panettiere from Heroes and… umm… nothing else. Well brace yourself, because you’re about to remember her for being one half of an awkward conversation with a naked Irishman.

That’s right. Hayden was presenting  the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast and a streaker found his way onstage with all his balls hanging out.

The actress was about to present the award for Best Song (which went to Lady GaGa, like you care) and a comedian called David Monahan decided to get onstage and show everyone his genitals. Yes we have a video for you to watch.

The comedian is now claiming that his streak wasn’t rehearsed despite the fact it really does appear to be the case. For a start, do you think that Panettiere would be left unattended with a naked man without burly security men quickly rushing the stage to kick his testes clean off his pasty body?

There’s an answer for that, as Monahan says:

“Two friends of mine work for the security company, they got me in but they didn’t know I was going to storm the stage.”

“I undressed in a backstage store room and considering Lady Gaga is walking about with a flying saucer on her head, not many people notice a guy with a black blanket wrapped around him.”

In the video, Hayden says that the comic ‘should come grab a pint with us after.’

Monahan replied with:

“I would love that. Um, I don’t have my phone on me though. You know what. I’ll just leave you to it and I’ll see you at the after show.”

And then he got his dick out.

You can watch it here, you filthy perverts.

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Ashley Greene is very close to joining the cast of Scream 4.

The Twilight nobody, who became a somebody after naked pictures of her came out on the internet, has been offered to step into Neve Campbell’s shoes in Wes Craven’s fourth instalment of the annoying horror franchise.

Heroes star Hayden Panettiere and yet another malnourished Culkin brother, Rory, will be joining Greene is getting sliced up with a huge knife – which, ironically, was how hecklerspray felt throughout the whole of Scream 3.

Courteney Cox, her husband David Arquette and Neve Campbell have also agreed to be in the movie – mainly because they have very little else to do. (Apparently Craven is paying them in food vouchers).

It has certainly been a good month for Greene, who only recently re-negotiated a deal to return to the Twilight series in Breaking Dawn, and proof that getting your kit off has always been a good career move. Unless you have the kind of body that makes babies cry (otherwise I would have done it years ago).

But, thankfully for Greene, she doesn’t and her nude pictures have become of the biggest internet sensations over the past year.

Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson.

Greene will play Jill, the cousin of Neve Campbell’s character Sidney, while Hayden will play her best friend.

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Hayden Panettiere is a smart cookie. She’s 20 years old now, and she knows that she has to adapt or die.

So she has. Hayden Panettiere realises that she won’t be the adorable schoolgirl forever, so she’s decided to carve out a new identity for herself. And that identity is the adorable slag who’ll show you her norks and clodge for 50p because her sassy facade hides a crippling lack of self-esteem.

In other words, Hayden Panettiere gets slightly naked in her new movie, and she wants to get completely naked for another movie soon. Also, watch her new movie please.

These are not good times for Hayden Panettiere. A few years ago she was the toast of Tinseltown. She had it all – youth, all-American good looks, sass, a decent singing voice, a body that looked decent when wrapped in a cheerleader’s outfit and a role on Heroes – the brand new Lost-like TV show that was going to be a runaway hit and make her a star.

But now? Now things don’t look so good. Hayden Panettiere is now 20, so if she keeps dressing up as a cheerleader she’s bound to start coming off like a ropey pub stripper before long. Her sass has manifested itself in a bizarre compulsion to offend the Japanese at every turn. Her singing voice has so far only been used to record an unthinkably bad Paris Hilton rip-off song. And, rather than become a runaway hit, Heroes turned out to be so dreary and impenetrable that it’s only watched by about three people, and they only watch only because the batteries in their remote control ran out and they can’t be bothered to stand up and physically turn the TV off.

So what’s Hayden Panettiere to do? Simple – take some of her clothes off for a rubbish low-rent movie and promise that if enough people go and see it she’ll take the rest off for her next one.

Hayden Panettiere is currently promoting I Love You, Beth Cooper – a knockabout comedy about an attractive student that’s completely different to John Tucker Must Die, which was a different knockabout comedy about a different attractive student starring a different supposed television break-out star who nobody’s ever heard of since – in which she gets naked. Sort of. Hayden Panettiere sort of gets naked in it. You see perhaps an eighth of her bare back for a couple of seconds. But by jove, it’s given Hayden Panettiere the nudity bug. She told E!:

“I’m cool with my body. I’m cool running around undressed and all that stuff, but there are just certain things that not everyone needs to know, that you need to keep somehow private and personal to you… You never know, you never know. I could be 30 years old and just be like: ‘Screw it – I want to take it all off. I better take a picture of this baby before it all goes.’”

You hear that? In exactly one decade Hayden Panettiere might get naked for a film, and she’s not just saying that to drum up publicity for her new film. She really means it. And, personally, we can’t wait. In fact, we can’t work out what we’re most looking forward to – seeing Hayden Panettiere naked come the year 2019, trying to remember who Hayden Panettiere is come the year 2019 or marvelling at what eight years in the celebrity wilderness and a potential desperation-fuelled drug habit did to Hayden Panettiere’s body come the year 2019. It’s exciting!

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Oh readers, we can’t tell how long we’ve waited for this day – the day that Hayden Panettiere became a genuine stroppy mare.

We knew she had it in her, sure. But now it’s here and, lord, it is beautiful. How much of a stroppy mare is Hayden Panettiere? Only stroppy enough to try and get Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes because he split up with her last month, that’s how much.

Or maybe Hayden Panettiere has got Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes. Or maybe Hayden Panettiere was sacked from Heroes instead. Nobody watches Heroes any more, so nobody really knows.

You have no idea how grateful we are to Hayden Panettiere at the moment. The young gossip starlets of yesteryear are all fading away – Lindsay‘s become a drab lesbian, Paris has finally realised that the joke has always been on her and making fun of Britney feels a little bit like poking an orhaned donkey in the eye – and we needed someone young, pretty, self-important and woefully lacking in self-awareness to fill the void. Hayden Panettiere, you’ve done us proud.

We always knew that Hayden Panettiere had been building up to this moment – like in 2007 when she pissed off a legion of Japanese fishermen, and in 2008 when she released a solo single even worse than Paris Hilton’s – but now she’s blossomed into womanhood in the most spectacular way.

We suppose we’ve got Milo Ventimiglia, Hayden’s ex-boyfriend and Heroes co-star – to thank for this. If Milo hadn’t been old enough to be her father when they got together romantically, then he’d have never grown tired of Hayden Panettiere’s hard-partying ways, and then he’d have never split up with her.

And if Milo Ventimiglia had never split up with Hayden Panettiere, then she wouldn’t currently be acting like such a raging bitchzilla towards him on the set of Heroes. OK! reports:

Heroes’ Hayden Panettiere has decided to take her bitter breakup with co-star Milo Ventimiglia to the small screen. Hayden, 19, is trying to get Milo, 31, kicked off of the show, according to a mutual friend. “She refuses to be on the set at the same time as him,” the pal tells OK!. “She is making it difficult for everyone involved.” As for Milo, “He’s not going to play any games or stoop to her level.”

Silly Hayden Panettiere. This is incredibly shortsighted of her. She’s sending a message to producers across America that she’s impossible to deal with if somebody no longer wants to sleep with her. And since the only way she’ll ever get any work is precisely because producers want to sleep with her, she’s shot herself in the foot somewhat.

But how will Hayden Panettiere’s on-set tantrum affect Heroes? We’re not sure. To be honest we just realised that Heroes wasn’t cancelled 18 months ago and we’re a bit confused.

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Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia were truly the Romeo and Juliet of actors with impossible-to-spell surnames.

That’s right – were. Fans of freaky relationships between teenagers and much, much older – almost inappropriately older – full-grown adult men should probably sit down for this. Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes have just split up.

Apparently Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have split up because they’re ‘in different places’. But at least now Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia can move onto people nearer their own ages – so Madonna‘s adopted African son and the dusty old knight from the end of Indiana Jones 3, then.

If you like Heroes, then… actually, no, wait. Nobody likes Heroes any more, do they? Most people would rather stab themselves in the face with a pen than watch a new episode of Heroes. Let’s start this paragraph again.

If you’re aware of the existence of a television show called Heroes that used to be quite good but quickly turned into a fat sack of animal testes, then you’ll be aware of Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia. Hayden plays the invincible cheerleader Claire, while Milo plays a floppy-haired nutsack whose superpower seems to involve whining a lot.

But even though Heroes is basically unwatchable toss, it provided the perfect environment for love to blossom between Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia. It didn’t matter that she was a teenager and he was a man in his thirties, nor that she played his schoolgirl niece in Heroes, nor that if the relationship had happened a few months earlier he’d be put on some kind of permanent register and chased around everywhere by a violent torch-wielding mob – Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia were in love, and nothing could stop it.

Well, nothing but the yawning age-chasm between them, obviously. Because now it’s emerged that Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have finally split up. The New York Daily News reports:

“It was a lifestyle conflict,” an insider told Us Weekly magazine, suggesting that the 12-year age gap between Panettiere, 19, and Ventimiglia, 31, may have been a factor in their split. “They were in very different places,” added the source. “[Panettiere] is young. She likes to go out in the Hollywood scene and that’s not his style.” Ventimiglia meanwhile, “has been concentrating on work on his production company.”

Although Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have remained on friendly terms, the question of how the split will affect Heroes is another matter entirely. We’re particularly looking forward to the future plotline where Peter Petrelli rushes to save Claire from certain death, only for Claire to start laying into him about why he never wants to go to any parties with her and how she should have listened to her mother. Unless that’s already happened. It’s not like we actually watch Heroes, is it?

But at least Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia can move on romantically now. And, what with Hayden’s miraculous ability to instantaneously recover from any injuries she sustains, it looks like she might have a future career lined up as Chris Brown‘s girlfriend.

Oh, alright – allegedly.

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If you were to grab hold of any OAP and say: “excuse me, OAP, but could you please give me your opinions on how the youth of today treat the English language” then that OAP will immediately reply “kids these days…lost all respect for the fine traditions of our proud language that was so lovingly leant to us by our Queen – it’s bloody disgusting!”

Before turning their attentions back to Deal or No Deal and falling asleep for the rest of the week. Bless ‘em.

And maybe they’re on to something. We have Jessica Simpson describing Scarlett Johansson as unbelievably talented; we have uneducated bloggers posting showbiz articles that infuriate the intense-grammar-loving public of America; and now the word ‘genius’ – once saved for people like Newton, Darwin, Einstein and Darren Anderton – has been used to describe Paris bloody Hilton.

According to Contact Music, Heroes star Hayden Panettiere has said of Paris:

“She’s a nice girl and a lot brighter than people give her credit (for), but no one sees her like that because she plays this character all the time. She’s actually a marketing genius.”

What’s that? It’s all been a marketing ploy? She’s been fooling us with her faux-foolishness this whole time! D’oh!

Shame we missed the meeting where she proposed to the board that, in order for her shooting-star celebrity to become a cash cow, she planned to record herself performing the most erection-repellent sex tape of all time (honestly, you’d be easier aroused lying dead at the local Warcraft convention with Justin Timberlake’s sexy-noise pouring through the speakers as Margaret Thatcher rips her long-johns asunder and squats down above your rigamortified mush. It’s about as sexy as that. Not that we’ve watched it! OK, we watched it, but we didn’t inhale).

To be fair, though, it was a very successful meeting indeed, and now everybody knows who she is and what she’s about (clue: It’s the same thing Seinfeld based a whole show on).

The same can’t be said, however, for the meeting where she proposed that she wants to get MTV to find her a new best friend – forever. A project which, as we’ve already reported, was doomed from the start.

And – God damn it! – if Hayden Panettiere thinks Paris Hilton is a genius then what must she think of herself? That surely puts her IQ on par with that of a dildo – one far too big to fit anywhere effectively.

Stay tuned for more genius showbiz articles, coming to you all day, every day, at hecklerspray.

Read More – Hayden Panettiere: Panettiere – Hilton Is A Genius

Despite what happens onscreen, the real super-powers that Heroes stars Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have are grossly unpronounceable surnames and an almost epic level of adorability.

And, like the old saying goes, adorability loves adorability. That's why Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia are totally doing it with each other. That's not exactly news – a relationship between the two of them has been rumoured for months – but with the news that Milo has met Hayden's grandparents, it looks like things have just become official. Sweet, no? So sweet that we're almost able to overlook the fact that Milo Ventimiglia is 30 years and Hayden Panettiere is just 18 and that's a little tiny bit creepy.

Almost.

When you work on a show like Heroes, you get a lot of time to fraternise with your co-stars. That's because the average Heroes episode is made up of 40% babbling on about that virus that nobody cares about, 25% Hiro pulling constipated faces and 58% godawful pseudo-spiritual voiceovers. Since that adds up to 123%, it doesn't leave much for the actors to actually do.

And if you're either Hayden Panettiere or Milo Ventimiglia, that gives you plenty of time to get it on with each other. And break the law in Japan. But mainly get it on with each other. 

Ever since they were spotted canoodling at a concert a few months ago, reports were rife that Hayden Panettiere (the self-repairing low-cut cheerleader) and Milo Ventimiglia (her whining haircut uncle) were a couple, but the lack of an official confirmation and the jolting realisation that he's old enough to be her father meant that nobody really paid much attention to them.

But now it's become unavoidable. A family friend has let slip to People that Milo recently spent time with Hayden's family in New York and everyone loves the adorable floppy-haired bastard:

"Hayden's mom adores Milo. She thinks he's so cute. She tells her friends that he's her boyfriend. She's very proud. He's even met her grandparents. He fits in perfectly with the family. Milo jokes around with her little brother. They're buddies… He really takes care of her, even down to the little things like giving her a back massage and going with her to work things."  

That's a true sign of commitment – going with Hayden to work things. Forget that they both have the same job on the same show at the same time and that him 'going to work things with her' is exactly the same as him 'going to work', that's still sort of sweet.

Since there's still been no official confirmation of Hayden and Milo's relationship, we have no idea about serious they are about each other. We hope it's completely serious, though, because we want nothing more than to see a 30-year-old man from a TV show marry his barely-legal co-star who plays his schoolgirl niece. We're welling up at the very thought of it right now, in fact.

Read more:

Milo Ventimiglia & Hayden Panettiere Are an Item – People

Hayden Panettiere is best-known for being the cheerleader from Heroes who can mangle up her body and then spontaneously regenerate – either that or being the one from Heroes that makes you feel the most like a dirty old man.

However, if you're from Japan then Hayden Panettiere is a high-profile fugitive who hates Japanese culture to such an extent that she's in a huge amount of trouble for it. Admittedly that's because the part of Japanese culture that Hayden Panettiere hates the most is the way they slaughter dolphins – and her surfboard-based pre-dawn attempts to disrupt a dolphin cull last month has resulted in a Japanese arrest warrant being placed on Hayden Panettiere's head. Forget 'save the cheerleader, save the world'; this is a case of 'arrest the cheerleader, curtail a potentially knotty international diplomatic incident'.

Also, it's thought that – following Hayden Panettiere's Japanese arrest warrant – the schizophrenic porno girl from Heroes who used to be in Dawson's Creek has decided to keep her controversial anti-Hello Kitty sentiments to herself for now.

Of all the western TV shows ever made, only two have really stood out for their love of Japanese culture. One was Tenko – which concerned itself with the ancient Japanese practise of putting bits of glass in Stephanie Beacham's dinner – and the other is Heroes, thanks to the break-out success of lovable Japanese geek Hiro. Heroes loves Japan.

But Japan doesn't love Heroes back, because the cute cheerleader girl from the show keeps trying to stop them killing dolphins all the time. And now that cute cheerleader girl – Hayden Panettiere – is going to get arrested for it.

The story started last month when, along with five of her friends, Hayden Panettiere paddled out to sea on a surfboard to to try and disrupt attempts by local fishermen to slaughter a bunch of dolphins; only to become trapped by the fishermen, who contained her with their boat propellers and pushed her with sticks until they got to kill the dolphins like they wanted to. At the time Hayden Panettiere described the dolphins as:

"So pretty. They were teddy bears in the water. They slowed down and started gathering in the net towards us. This little baby popped its head out and looked at us and all of us just wanted to cut them out of the nets and set them free.”

However, so infuriated are the Japanese by Hayden Panettiere's actions that they've placed an arrest warrant on her head. Although Hayden was stunned into silence when she was told of this on live Australian TV yesterday, she's since put out this statement:

“Obviously this issue has generated defensive behaviour on the part of both the Japanese Authorities and Fishermen,” she said in the statement. “I have grown up hearing – and adhering to – this phrase: ‘condemnation without investigation dooms one to everlasting ignorance.’ We must unite as a world to solve our increasing international environmental crises. We can no longer hide [behind] out-dated, senseless cultural traditions and lazy, bad habits that are resulting in the annihilation of our planet’s resources and the extinction of our species.”

Of course, it could be argued that Hayden Panettiere's actions and statements show a lack of understanding of the greater issue here. For example, if it wasn't for the dolphin cull, Japanese fishermen wouldn't have a livelihood. Plus, the Japanese Fisheries ministry maintains that the dolphin slaughter is done in a highly-sustainable way. And also, Hayden should be thankful to the Japanese for killing all the dolphins, because if those buggers ever grow legs and thumbs and decide to invade dry land then that's us done for, buddy.

But it's unlikely that Hayden Panettiere will ever willingly go to Japan to get arrested, so all of this is moot. And that leaves the Japanese government with two real options here – either they can capture Hayden Panettiere and ship her off to Japan in a cargo ship to torture her for two years like the Chinese did with Jack Bauer that one time, or they can redub all the imported episodes of Heroes so that Hayden's voice sounds a bit stupid. We're fine with either of those.