Hayden Panettiere Wants To Get Naked Quite Soon, Please
Hayden Panettiere is a smart cookie. She's 20 years old now, and she knows that she has to adapt or die. So she has. Hayden Panettiere realises that she won't be the adorable schoolgirl forever, so she's decided to carve out a new identity for herself. And that identity is the adorable slag who'll show you her norks and clodge for 50p because her sassy facade hides a crippling lack of self-esteem.
In other words, Hayden Panettiere gets slightly naked in her new movie, and she wants to get completely naked for another movie soon. Also, watch her new movie please.
Hayden Panettiere Is Sort Of Being A Bitch To Milo Ventimiglia
Oh readers, we can't tell how long we've waited for this day - the day that Hayden Panettiere became a genuine stroppy mare. We knew she had it in her, sure. But now it's here and, lord, it is beautiful. How much of a stroppy mare is Hayden Panettiere? Only stroppy enough to try and get
Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes because he split up with her last month, that's how much.
Or maybe Hayden Panettiere has got Milo Ventimiglia sacked from Heroes. Or maybe Hayden Panettiere was sacked from Heroes instead. Nobody watches Heroes any more, so nobody really knows.
Hayden Panettiere Splits Up With Her Floppy Father Substitute
Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia were truly the Romeo and Juliet of actors with impossible-to-spell surnames. That's right - were. Fans of freaky relationships between teenagers and much, much older - almost inappropriately older - full-grown adult men should probably sit down for this. Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes have just split up.
Apparently Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have split up because they're 'in different places'. But at least now Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia can move onto people nearer their own ages - so
Madonna's adopted African son and the dusty old knight from the end of Indiana Jones 3, then.
Paris Hilton ‘Is a Genius’, According To Hayden Panettiere
If you were to grab hold of any OAP and say: “excuse me, OAP, but could you please give me your opinions on how the youth of today treat the English language†then that OAP will immediately reply “kids these days...lost all respect for the fine traditions of our proud language that was so lovingly leant to us by our Queen – it’s bloody disgusting!†Before turning their attentions back to Deal or No Deal and falling asleep for the rest of the week. Bless 'em.
And maybe they're on to something. We have
Jessica Simpson describing
Scarlett Johansson as
unbelievably talented; we have uneducated bloggers posting showbiz articles that infuriate the
intense-grammar-loving public of America; and now the word ‘genius’ – once saved for people like
Newton,
Darwin,
Einstein and
Darren Anderton - has been used to describe
Paris bloody
Hilton.
Those Two Adorable Heroes Kids Get All Smoochy Smoochy
Despite what happens onscreen, the real super-powers that Heroes stars Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have are grossly unpronounceable surnames and an almost epic level of adorability.
And, like the old saying goes, adorability loves adorability. That's why Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia are totally doing it with each other. That's not exactly news - a relationship between the two of them has been rumoured for months - but with the news that Milo has met Hayden's grandparents, it looks like things have just become official. Sweet, no? So sweet that we're almost able to overlook the fact that Milo Ventimiglia is 30 years and Hayden Panettiere is just 18 and that's a little tiny bit creepy.
Almost.
Hayden Panettiere: Illegal In Japan
Hayden Panettiere is best-known for being the cheerleader from Heroes who can mangle up her body and then spontaneously regenerate - either that or being the one from Heroes that makes you feel the most like a dirty old man. However, if you're from Japan then Hayden Panettiere is a high-profile fugitive who hates Japanese culture to such an extent that she's in a huge amount of trouble for it. Admittedly that's because the part of Japanese culture that Hayden Panettiere hates the most is the way they slaughter dolphins - and her surfboard-based pre-dawn attempts to disrupt a dolphin cull last month has resulted in a Japanese arrest warrant being placed on Hayden Panettiere's head. Forget 'save the cheerleader, save the world'; this is a case of 'arrest the cheerleader, curtail a potentially knotty international diplomatic incident'.
Also, it's thought that - following Hayden Panettiere's Japanese arrest warrant - the schizophrenic porno girl from Heroes who used to be in Dawson's Creek has decided to keep her controversial anti-Hello Kitty sentiments to herself for now.