Forget the Oscars and the Grammys and the Golden Globes – they're all rubbish, largely because Paris Hilton won't ever win any of them.

Where it's at now, kids, is the Harvard University Woman Of The Year award, because – other than the inaugural Dozy Wonk-Eyed Slapper gala set for later this spring – it's just about the only award that Paris Hilton will get this year.

No, really, Paris Hilton is going to get a Woman Of The Year award. We're not making this up. Promise.

As comprehensive and groundbreaking as Paris Hilton's 1,500 page thesis on the first iconoclastic period of the Isaurian Byzantine dynasty is, it was generally thought that only way that Paris Hilton could ever get into Harvard is if she sucked off a security guard, filmed it and put it on the internet.

But how wrong we all were. As it turns out, Paris Hilton is going to Harvard University next month to pick up the Hasty Pudding Woman Of The Year award, because apparently she's been fairly important over the last 12 months. News to us.

But apparently this is true. Of all the billions of women in the whole world, the megabrains at Harvard have decided that Paris Hilton is the only one who deserves to become their woman of the year. According to UPI:

Hilton is slated to accept the award and speak publicly to Harvard University's student body at a large public ceremony in the middle of Harvard Square in Cambridge, Mass., Feb. 6, said Regent Releasing, the studio behind her new big-screen comedy "The Hottie and the Nottie," which opens nationwide Feb. 8.

Oh, OK – if the studio behind Paris Hilton's so-shit-that-only-an-idiot-would-watch-it misogynistic romcom The Hottie And The Nottie have announced this Woman Of The Year accolade, then maybe there's a fraction of a chance that it's all a lie baked up as a watery publicity stunt to boost awareness of that awful piece of crap movie.

But let's just say that it is true and that Paris Hilton really is going to accept Harvard University's Woman Of The Year award. Why? Could it be because the students at Harvard have witnessed Paris Hilton's dramatic personality shift from drink-driving jailbird to the Rwanda-shunning do-gooder who paints herself gold for charity that she is today and they want her to impart her zen-like messages of philanthropy on the children of the world?

Either that or they hear that Paris is a massive slut who'll bang anything that walks. One or the other.

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Paris Hilton headed to Harvard – UPI