Forget the Oscars and the Grammys and the Golden Globes - they're all rubbish, largely because Paris Hilton won't ever win any of them.

Where it's at now, kids, is the Harvard University Woman Of The Year award, because - other than the inaugural Dozy Wonk-Eyed Slapper gala set for later this spring - it's just about the only award that Paris Hilton will get this year.

No, really, Paris Hilton is going to get a Woman Of The Year award. We're not making this up. Promise.