Articles tagged with: Harry Potter
Harry Potter Theme Park To Be Both Gigantic And Underwhelming
As popular as the Harry Potter saga was, we couldn't help but feel that its depiction of Hogwarts was somewhat lacking. And specifically lacking one thing. That's right - thousands of chronically sweating, morbidly obese directionless tourists in gaudily-patterned shorts who are all too busy filming everything for a 19-hour home movie that they'll never watch to properly control their children. But now that's all been fixed - Universal has revealed details of its new The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme park. Warning: one of the rides is called 'Flight Of The Hippogriff'. Don't continue reading if you're prone to violent tantrums.
As popular as the Harry Potter saga was, we couldn't help but feel that its depiction of Hogwarts was somewhat lacking. And specifically lacking one thing. That's right - thousands of chronically sweating, morbidly obese directionless tourists in gaudily-patterned shorts who are all too busy filming everything for a 19-hour home movie that they'll never watch to properly control their children. But now that's all been fixed - Universal has revealed details of its new The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme park. Warning: one of the rides is called 'Flight Of The Hippogriff'. Don't continue reading if you're prone to violent tantrums.
G-Force Does A Sausagey Rodent Poo On The Weekend Box Office
G-Force sounded great, didn’t it? For a start, it’s called G-Force, so that promises all sorts of explosions and excitement. And it stars Will Arnett, Tracy Morgan, Bill Nighy, Zach Galifianakis, Nicolas Cage, Loudon Wainwright III, Penelope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Sam Rockwell too, so we assumed that it had to be excellent. But no, G-Force is a film about some guinea pigs. And it looks like the worst film ever made. But, hey, it’s number one at the weekend box office this week, so what do we know? Other than that all people are idiots, obviously.
G-Force sounded great, didn’t it? For a start, it’s called G-Force, so that promises all sorts of explosions and excitement. And it stars Will Arnett, Tracy Morgan, Bill Nighy, Zach Galifianakis, Nicolas Cage, Loudon Wainwright III, Penelope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Sam Rockwell too, so we assumed that it had to be excellent. But no, G-Force is a film about some guinea pigs. And it looks like the worst film ever made. But, hey, it’s number one at the weekend box office this week, so what do we know? Other than that all people are idiots, obviously.
Harry Potter Death-Eats The Weekend Box Office
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, we do believe you’ve stumbled upon a clever new tactic. Despite being the worst-received movie of the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince looks set to become the most successful movie in the franchise’s history, topping the weekend box office by some margin. So the worse a Harry Potter film is, the better it does. That’s great news, especially for those of us who wanted part two of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows to feature nothing but Harry Potter staring at a shoebox for three hours and then meekly farting.
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, we do believe you’ve stumbled upon a clever new tactic. Despite being the worst-received movie of the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince looks set to become the most successful movie in the franchise’s history, topping the weekend box office by some margin. So the worse a Harry Potter film is, the better it does. That’s great news, especially for those of us who wanted part two of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows to feature nothing but Harry Potter staring at a shoebox for three hours and then meekly farting.
Harry Potter and the Witty Headline About Making Lots of Money
What better way to cheer yourselves up in these times of economic strife than through the knowledge that something you have nothing to do with, nor could ever hope of having anything to do with, has made a crapload of money? There is no better way, as Harry Potter and the Half Order of the Philosopher's Hallows has shown us all by raking in more than $100 million in its first day on release. Puts you in the perfect mood for a weekend, doesn't it paupers! But can Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Ha! We do know what it's called!) possibly rake in even more cash to make you feel even more inadequate? Yes. That's a stupid question.
What better way to cheer yourselves up in these times of economic strife than through the knowledge that something you have nothing to do with, nor could ever hope of having anything to do with, has made a crapload of money? There is no better way, as Harry Potter and the Half Order of the Philosopher's Hallows has shown us all by raking in more than $100 million in its first day on release. Puts you in the perfect mood for a weekend, doesn't it paupers! But can Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Ha! We do know what it's called!) possibly rake in even more cash to make you feel even more inadequate? Yes. That's a stupid question.
The Pope Likes Harry Potter, So It’s Ok For You To See It
It’s fair to say that if you’re gay, Protestant or a follower of any other religion apart from Christianity, then The Pope will blow raspberries at you. It’s the job of The Pope - otherwise known as God’s right hand man - to tell us we’re all living in deep sin and will burn in hell. Apart from pestering people to not wear condoms, The Pope doesn’t really have much in common with young people. You won’t see him in line at the kebab shop after dancing away at a seven hour rave. However, you could see him holding up the lines at the local cinema as queues to see the latest Harry Potter flick.
It’s fair to say that if you’re gay, Protestant or a follower of any other religion apart from Christianity, then The Pope will blow raspberries at you. It’s the job of The Pope - otherwise known as God’s right hand man - to tell us we’re all living in deep sin and will burn in hell. Apart from pestering people to not wear condoms, The Pope doesn’t really have much in common with young people. You won’t see him in line at the kebab shop after dancing away at a seven hour rave. However, you could see him holding up the lines at the local cinema as queues to see the latest Harry Potter flick.
Emma Watson Gets Her Knickers Out, Won’t Shut Up About It
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince is released next week, and it's a hugely important film in the series. No, not because of the drama. And not because of Hermione and Ron's developing romance. It's because, finally, Emma Watson is legitimately old enough for grotty old perverts to drool over her every time she accidentally flashes a portion of her knickers for a millisecond in public. Which she did this week at the Harry Potter premiere, in fact. But still, it was a one-off mistake and every has moved on from... what? Emma Watson is still talking about it? Yeesh.
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince is released next week, and it's a hugely important film in the series. No, not because of the drama. And not because of Hermione and Ron's developing romance. It's because, finally, Emma Watson is legitimately old enough for grotty old perverts to drool over her every time she accidentally flashes a portion of her knickers for a millisecond in public. Which she did this week at the Harry Potter premiere, in fact. But still, it was a one-off mistake and every has moved on from... what? Emma Watson is still talking about it? Yeesh.
Rupert Grint Gets Swine Flu And Doesn’t Even Die
Attention! This is an important health announcement! Have you kissed Harry Potter's Rupert Grint recently? No? Have you inhaled any of Rupert Grint's sweat? No? Have you splashed around in pools of Rupert Grint's urine and mucus? If you have, then a) ugh, and b) you've probably got swine flu. Rupert Grint has caught swine flu. Relax - Rupert Grint is better now. At least we assume so - if symptoms include discoloured skin, radioactive-looking hair, a voice that has never broken properly and a permanent look of confusion, then it's probably best to steer clear of his house for a while.
Attention! This is an important health announcement! Have you kissed Harry Potter's Rupert Grint recently? No? Have you inhaled any of Rupert Grint's sweat? No? Have you splashed around in pools of Rupert Grint's urine and mucus? If you have, then a) ugh, and b) you've probably got swine flu. Rupert Grint has caught swine flu. Relax - Rupert Grint is better now. At least we assume so - if symptoms include discoloured skin, radioactive-looking hair, a voice that has never broken properly and a permanent look of confusion, then it's probably best to steer clear of his house for a while.
Emma Watson Likes To Pretend She’s Not Filthy Rich
Emma Watson could totally be richer than the Queen - but she would have no idea, as it's been a hot minute since she counted out all the coppers in her extra-large piggy bank. The Harry Potter actress was recently allowed access to her fortune and so we would advise her to get the floors of her home reinforced at this point. A net worth of around £10 million, when all saved in coppers, has got to weigh as much as a small elephant.
Emma Watson could totally be richer than the Queen - but she would have no idea, as it's been a hot minute since she counted out all the coppers in her extra-large piggy bank. The Harry Potter actress was recently allowed access to her fortune and so we would advise her to get the floors of her home reinforced at this point. A net worth of around £10 million, when all saved in coppers, has got to weigh as much as a small elephant.
