Harrison Ford - HecklerSpray

Harrison Ford Is An Old Badass, Not A Badass Who Got Old

November 19th, 2012 By Daniel Dockery

Society has a fascination with old people doing stuff that they shouldn’t. It’s a silly obsession, which makes the talk of Harrison Ford possibly returning to star in future Star Wars movies silly. It, by all means, shouldn’t happen.

Comedy gold is created when you take a woman whose limbs are made of dust and medical miracles, and fill her mouth with jokes about the vagina. The greatest comic of all time features an aged Batman coming out of retirement to taunt death and then get the crap knocked out of him. And theatres are filled when an action star returns to make sure that the grudge against his own joints is settled.

5 Movies They Should Never Remake, But Probably Will

September 20th, 2012 By Gavin Bard

Remake. Just hearing the word is enough to turn the stomach of any discerning film watcher. It wasn’t always like that, but at some point in the last fifteen or so years, Hollywood decided that actually trying to have an original thought wasn’t really worth it anymore. Thus began it’s effort to regurgitate trite and borderline disgusting cash grabs as quick as producers could cut checks and pretend they actually do any work.

Even now that public sentiment has begun to turn against these horrible things, they still churn them out. Not a month goes by without a remake being announced that sends the internet into a blind rage. In 2012, it is estimated that nearly 60% of all movies released are remakes, sequels, or adapted from other material while only 40% are original ideas.

What’s All This About Shia LaBeouf Trying To Stab People?

October 20th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You know Shia LaBeouf don’t you? Yeah. He’s that insultingly dim thing that’s like shrink-wrapped ham on legs, waddling around with his film career and floozies. What else does he do?

Oh yeah! He gets in fights in bars! That’s a hoot isn’t it?

What’s even better is that someone’s accused him of threatening to stab someone. STAB! STAB! VENDETTA! VENDETTA! Yup. That’s right. A famous face thinking that no-one will mention it to anyone if he starts offering to slit people’s throats.

Amazing Leaked Footage Of Indiana Jones Prank Starring Harrison Ford, Barbra Streisand And Carrie Fisher!

September 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

With remakes, reduxes and various tinkerings of our childhood favourites plaguing cinema at the moment, there’s been little joy looking back at the films we once loved. However, here’s a little something that should slap a smile across that stupid head of yours.

Unseen for many, many years, footage has leaked from Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom set, where Harrison Ford is on the receiving end of a practical joke.

This ain’t any ol’ joke though. This is a prank that features Carrie Fisher, Irvin Kershner and… get this… Barbra Streisand as a dominatrix.

Shia LaBoeuf Is A Fucking Idiot According To Prominent Wookie Botherer, Harrison Ford

July 1st, 2011 By Si Sharp

You’ve got to pick sides these days. There’s no grey in life anymore, no nuance. It’s black and white. Guilty? Then throw away the key!

A victim? Then everything you say is sacred and righteous. Think the most recent album by x band is okay, but not as good as their last one? No you don’t- you’re a HATER!

Israel vs Palestine. Dawkins vs God. Left vs Right. 0 vs 1. But even in these binary times we’re stumped on where we stand on Harrison Ford vs Shia LaBoeuf .

There’s Going To Be Indiana Jones 5, Which Is Clearly A Massive Error

June 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Indiana Jones franchise should’ve stopped when it got to film 3. Sean Connery didn’t exactly light the screen up in a decidedly average film, but still, it was a decent enough romp which signalled that the team behind the films were clean out of ideas.

But did that stop them? Of course it didn’t. George Lucas is involved and he can’t stop picking at his own scabs, god forbid he actually tries to make a brand-new film that has no legacy to fall back on.

And Shia LaBeouf has cleared his little throat to confirm that a fifth Indiana Jones movie could be in cinemas soon, to which we must all now start making our excuses not to go see it.

New Bladerunner Movies Announced (Will Tom Hardy Take Lead?)

March 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey nerd baskets! Get this! You’re gonna love this! You know Blade Runner? That sic-fi film you weally weally weally love? Some people are going to tinker with it. Feel free to say “is nothing sacred anymore?”

Ridley Scott’s bleak look at some typically horrible future (why are no films set in the future kinda cool?*) is about to have a whole new set of digits, prodding and poking it and fizzing with excitement about filming in 3D and ‘better’ CGI, when really, the original’s clunky effects only added to the menace of it all.

Aaaanyway, more than thirty years on, the film is about to become a franchise seeing spin-offs on television and new movies.

Harrison Ford Wants To Kill Indiana Jones Because He Hates Him

December 21st, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Harrison Ford – who famously played Chewbacca in the Star Trek films – really hates Indiana Jones or something. So much so that he wants him dead. Dead than Hugh Hefner’s loins.

He wants to kill Indy so Shia LaBeouf (one of the stupidest names ever) can continue the franchise as Indy’s son, Mutt.

Imagine that. A film called Mutt Jones. How dreadful. Would anyone be able to ask for a pair of tickets to go see Mutt Jones and the Crusade of the Fantastical Bone Arse? No. No they wouldn’t. You’d mutter it like you were asking for condoms or jazz mags.

Cowboys and Aliens… The Most Manly, Manliest Man Film Ever?

November 18th, 2010 By Randy Figgins

Right chaps, this film is was made for you. Yes all of manly-kind. Cowboys & Aliens is more manly than having a stick specifically for stirring paint. A cock-shaped stick. With tits on.

Forget the stupid name, we know it’s crap, like they’ve mashed two genres together and hoped that someone else would have a good idea. But look, it’s got James Bond and Indiana Jones in it! Would you like to tell them you don’t like their films?

They’re really tough and they’ll beat you up with whips and special devices to cause you absolute agonising man pain. Thought not.

Extraordinary Measures – DVD Review

August 5th, 2012 By David Scarborough

Extraordinary Measures is one of those movies you don’t see very often. That’s because they’re usually on telly at around 2pm on a weekday, while us normals are resenting?the turd-headed followers who watch such weekday dross.

It’s all pretty underwhelming stuff, all smiles from the physically crippled and cemented frowns from the theatrically crippled; it’s almost soap opera material. That’s probably because this is CBS’s first foray into the features. It marks a sly move on their part: poor cinemagoers were denied the opportunity to change the channel.

But don’t worry, it’s all based on a harrowing true story about a man’s struggle to cure his children’s terminal disease.?You’ll feel so emotionally blackmailed that you’ll convince yourself it was good.