Today is a sad day for anyone who’s ever wobbled their chin furiously and burbled “Blwoooear, Madge” – because Harold Bishop is leaving Neighbours.

It’s been announced that Ian Smith, the actor who plays Harold Bishop, is leaving Neighbours in October – and probably forever this time too, not swanning back in five years later because he spuriously only got amnesia instead of dying forever like everyone thought. Probably.

It’s upsetting to think that an ironic cultural touchstone such as Harold Bishop is really leaving Neighbours. The news has been such a shock to our systems that it even briefly reminded us that Neighbours was still actually on TV. We know – that’s how much of a shock it was.

If you want to be famous, go on Neighbours. It’s worked for Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan, Natalie Imbruglia, Holly Valance, Jim Robinson, that bloke out of LA Confidential and countless others, but perhaps none more so than Harold Bishop.

True, Harold Bishop might not have achieved the same level of superstardom as the others, but in terms of sheer playground taunts he inspired the man is legendary. For instance:

*If you were fat enough to be called ‘Jelly Belly’, it was because of Harold Bishop.

*If you were ever mocked for power-walking or playing the tuba, it was because of Harold Bishop.

*If you’ve ever seen your daughter get shot to death because a hunter accidentally mistook her for a duck, it was because of Harold Bishop.

*If you’ve ever strangled Paul Robinson into unconsciousness with your bare hands, it’s because you’re a maniac who can somehow tangibly injure fictional characters, but it was also probably because of Harold Bishop a bit as well.

But now it’s time for Harold Bishop to move on, and only about six months after Neighbours moved to Channel Five and everyone stopped watching, too. The Times reports:

Channel 10 was quick to make clear that the well-meaning but bumbling Harold, who started off his long run on the show in 1987 by falling in love with Madge Ramsay, was being written out at Smith’s request. Spokesperson Paula Lucarelli told Australian newspapers: … “It was entirely his decision. We love him and would have loved to keep him.”

According to reports, Ian Smith has had a hand in plotting out Harold Bishop’s final storyline – apparently Harold will leave Neighbours after successfully battling prostate cancer. It’s absurd to think that cancer would kill Harold, because Harold will never really leave Neighbours. He’s bound to roll up again in a few years’ time, and he’d look stupid trying to blame a second death – this time from a serious disease – on amnesia again, wouldn’t he?

So farewell Harold Bishop. What will we do without an overweight, typecast, moderately-skilled actor who’s too scared and lazy to ever try breaking out from his comfort zone and so just appears on Neighbours day in day out even though the wasted opportunities must be secretly killing him inside?

What’s that? Toadfish is still in Neighbours? Oh, OK then.