Probably the last taboo of motherhood is admitting that you feel affection towards your baby, because it’s crass and almost definitely a lie.

But Christina Aguilera is all about shattering taboos – she shattered the one about not honking like a wounded moose in songs for starters – and that’s why Christina Aguilera has just made history as the first woman ever to publicly say that she actually enjoys spending time with her baby. Of course, Christina Aguilera’s comments happen to neatly tie in with the launch of her new fragrance, so there’s every chance she was just being deliberately controversial to stoke up sales.

Incidentally, we heard that the new Christina Aguilera perfume is inspired by her first few months of motherhood, which is why it smells like a mixture of yellow poo and her own tears.

Being a new mother is supremely hard work. You’ve got to hire staff to look after the baby, tell the staff to be quiet because you’ve got a hangover, keep updating the staff’s photo of yourself so the baby doesn’t forget what you look like… it’s one long nightmare, and sometimes the only thing that’ll keep you going is the thought that one day you can pack the baby off to boarding school and pretend it was never even born.

Unless you’re Christina Aguilera, of course, in which case you inexplicably turn into the baby’s biggest cheerleader the instant it shoots out of your vajuju.

The rest of the world may have a profound indifference to Christina Aguilera’s baby Max Liron – it rolled its eyes when she announced the pregnancy, shrugged when she gave the baby a stupid name and it recoiled when she put it on the cover of a magazine – but that hasn’t stopped Christina Aguilera from banging on and on about the sodding thing to every single person she meets. It’s almost as if she’s proud of it. Urgh. People reports:

“[He is] amazing, incredible,” the singer, 27, tells Entertainment Tonight. “He just lights up my whole world every day with his laughs and his smiles.” She reveals that Max has started crawling and is cutting his first teeth. “He’s a mover and shaker. He’s just a smiley, happy guy. I really lucked out,” Aguilera tells USA Today.

Lucked out? Hardly, Christina – everyone knows that the most lucrative aspect of being a celebrity mother is the post-partum depression. Do you know how much money people get for writing books where they say they wanted to throw their babies against a brick wall? Shitloads of money, that’s how much. And you’re not going to see a penny of it now, all because you actually happen to like your own son.

And it’s not like you went and adopted the baby from a developing country, either, so you can’t even go and make a heartfelt documentary about what a good person you are, either. And you say you’re happy, Christina? Really? A likely story. Excuse us for not believing you.

There have been several reactions to the news that Ashlee Simpson is getting engaged to that fool from Fall Out Boy.

Some have reacted with disgust that their pretty little Ashlee Simpson could fall for such a whiny-looking twerp. Others have reacted with disgust that their emo hero Pete Wentz could for such a gormless pop twonk. Other really couldn’t care less either way. Most people really couldn’t care less either way.

Not Jessica Simpson, though. Harnessing the skills that have built up her reputation as a fearless innovator, Jessica Simpson has inexplicably decided to be pleased for Ashlee and Pete – marking the first time in history that a woman has been pleased that another woman is getting married.

It’s easy to see why Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy fell in love – after all, she’s got a new nose and an oddly-spelled name and he’s the bassist who plays the bass in that band with the bass parts that he plays himself on a bass guitar. It’s literally an irresistable combination.

And, following the news that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are engaged, this irresistablityness has rubbed off on those closest to the couple. OK, those closest to Ashlee Simpson – Pete Wentz’s nearest and dearest haven’t learnt to form sentences yet and, besides, they aren’t famous so their opinions aren’t worth a soggy fart.

Basically, Jessica Simpson has decided to talk about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz getting engaged. Emerging from the St Gary’s Convalescent Centre For The Unfortunately Stinky-Pissed, Jessica Simpson spoke of her happiness at the news of the engagement and, as People reports, actually came off sounding quite creepy:

“My sister is overflowing with joy. Pete is an incredible soul. They naturally bring out the best in each other. I couldn’t be happier.”

Ashlee Simpson couldn’t be luckier that she’s got Jessica Simpson as a sister. Jessica will be able to give Ashlee all the support and advice that she needs in the run-up to the wedding, like insights on how to get the best reality TV show deal from the marriage and how to not get divorced until at least two months after said reality TV show gets cancelled to stop people thinking it was nothing more than a big publicity-seeking sham. Invaluable.

So, hey, if Ashlee Simpson is happy and Jessica Simpson is happy, then what about old Daddy Joe Simpson? Guess what – he’s happy too:

“[Pete] did ask me. I told him that I would be honored to have him as part of my family.”

Honoured, but only so long as he promises to has cosmetic work done on his breasts first. Ain’t nobody in the Simpson clan gonna have baby ta-tas, male or female!

Read more:

Jessica Simpson ‘Couldn’t Be Happier’ for Ashlee and Pete – People