Posts tagged as:

Hannah Montana

Miley Cyrus Grimly Refuses To Stop Making Hannah Montana

by Stuart Heritage

We don’t know how the Hannah Montana movie ended. We didn’t see the Hannah Montana movie. We hit puberty several years ago.

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Miley Cyrus Is Intelligent, Or Paranoid, Or Whatever

by Stuart Heritage

Did you know that Miley Cyrus designed and built the Large Hadron Collider completely by herself? Well she did.

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Miley Cyrus Has Had It With This Hannah Montana Movie Guff

by Stuart Heritage

Hey kids, are you excited about the Hannah Montana movie? You are? Well you’re doing better than Miley Cyrus, then.

Because Miley Cyrus, um, isn’t. Even though Hannah Montana: The Movie comes out in less than a fortnight, Miley Cyrus is already so bored of the whole thing that she’s ruled out the possibility of making any sequels to it.

You know what this means – no Hannah Montana 2. And no Hannah Montana 3: Hannah’s Big City Vacation. And no Hannah Montana 4: Aquatic Adventuresplash. And no Hannah Montana 5: Requiem For A Tween. Miley Cyrus, you can really be an awful cow sometimes.

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Miley Cyrus Wants Hannah Montana To Last Forever. FOREVER!

by Stuart Heritage

When it was reported that Miley Cyrus wanted to leave Hannah Montana, you probably reacted like a normal adult and wept relentlessly.

But it’s OK. Miley Cyrus doesn’t want to leave Hannah Montana yet. Even though she’s gained success in several other fields, like music and movies and videogames and borderline amateur softcore pornography, Miley Cyrus has vowed to remain on Hannah Montana indefinitely.

And that’s definitely good news, because so long as there’s a Hannah Montana, there’s always going to be a creepy minge-faced father figure lurking around in the background weirding everyone out in the form of Billy Ray Cyrus. And as long as that happens hecklerspray will never go out of business. Hooray for Hannah Montana and hooray for us!

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Stephen Baldwin Gets Hannah Montana Tattooed All Over Himself

by Shawn Lindseth

When hecklerspray was just 42 years old the song Electric Youth descended upon us from a gas station sound-system.

It was 1989, and to this day we believe that sweet vocal delivery was sent from heaven on high. You see, about two hours previously the cashier working inside had informed us the strawberryslurpee -maker was on the fritz, and we were thinking about ending it all as soon as some passing customer dropped a loaded shotgun, a woodman’s axe, or perhaps maybe a small bear or something. Yes, a bear would have done nicely.

But then Debbie Gibson buoyed our spirits the way only a teen icon can when she’s singing in a button-covered jean jacket with it’s collar fully extended. We got up, convinced the 7-11 clerk to just sell us a cup full of pure strawberryslurpee syrup instead, and went off into the night to face whatever challenges may come.

Debs saved our life that night. And to commemorate the love we can’t imagine she doesn’t probably have for us, we recently allowed Stephen Baldwin to get a tattoo of her placed anywhere on his body he wanted to.

Oh wait – that wasn’t a Debbie Gibson tattoo he just got – it was a Hannah Montana tattoo. Literally. Stephen Baldwin literally got a Hannah Montana tattoo inked permanently onto his skin somewhere. Now we’re going to put the word ‘literally’ in italics again just so you get how strange we think this all is – Literally.

When hecklerspray was just 42 years old the song Electric Youth descended upon us from a gas station sound-system. It was 1989, and to this day we believe that sweet vocal delivery was sent from heaven on high. You see, about two hours previously the cashier working inside had informed us the strawberryslurpee -maker was on the fritz, and we were thinking about ending it all as soon as some passing customer dropped a loaded shotgun, a woodman's axe, or perhaps maybe a small bear or something. Yes, a bear would have done nicely. But then Debbie Gibson buoyed our spirits the way only a teen icon can when she's singing in a button-covered jean jacket with it's collar fully extended. We got up, convinced the 7-11 clerk to just sell us a cup full of pure strawberryslurpee syrup instead, and went off into the night to face whatever challenges may come. Debs saved our life that night. And to commemorate the love we can't imagine she doesn't probably have for us, we recently allowed Stephen Baldwin to get a tattoo of her placed anywhere on his body he wanted to. Oh wait - that wasn't a Debbie Gibson tattoo he just got - it was a Hannah Montana tattoo. Literally. Stephen Baldwin literally got a Hannah Montana tattoo inked permanently onto his skin somewhere. Now we're going to put the word 'literally' in italics again just so you get how strange we think this all is - Literally.
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Hannah Montana To Teach Obama Kids The Art Of Womanhood

by Stuart Heritage

Malia and Sasha Obama are lucky kids – first they get a puppy and now they get to hang out with a raspy, prematurely sexual 16-year-old. Cuh!

In what’s being seen as a clever move to remind them that they’re not as important as they think they are, Barack Obama’s two daughters have been invited to meet the one man on earth who’s more powerful than their own father – Billy Ray Cyrus.

Billy Ray Cyrus has invited Malia and Sasha Obama to visit the set of Hannah Montana, and he’s positive that they’ll accept. After all, Sasha Obama is only a few ears away from reaching that important ‘taking photos of yourself in your underwear and plastering them all over the internet’ phase of her childhood and, by meeting Miley Cyrus, she’ll be getting tips from a veteran.

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Miley Cyrus Never Ever Leaving Hannah Montana Ever. Ever.

by Stuart Heritage

Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus a star – well, to be more accurate it was Hannah Montana, constant implied teenage nudity and a creepy dad.

But for now let’s just assume that Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus famous. It was a great set-up – Disney got hundreds of millions of dollars and Miley Cyrus got to be brought up surrounded by people all too scared to ever disagree with her, giving her dangerously false expectations for the rest of her life – but there may be trouble on the horizon.

Rumour has it that Miley Cyrus feels she’s got too big for Hannah Montana and is trying to get fired from the show. However, Disney has shot down these reports and has promised all the young fans that Miley Cyrus will remain on Hannah Montana forever. Nice try, Miley. Don’t you know that the only way to leave a creatively stifling kid’s TV show is to get pregnant? Did Jamie Lynn Spears teach you nothing?

Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus a star - well, to be more accurate it was Hannah Montana, constant implied teenage nudity and a creepy dad. But for now let's just assume that Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus famous. It was a great set-up - Disney got hundreds of millions of dollars and Miley Cyrus got to be brought up surrounded by people all too scared to ever disagree with her, giving her dangerously false expectations for the rest of her life - but there may be trouble on the horizon. Rumour has it that Miley Cyrus feels she's got too big for Hannah Montana and is trying to get fired from the show. However, Disney has shot down these reports and has promised all the young fans that Miley Cyrus will remain on Hannah Montana forever. Nice try, Miley. Don't you know that the only way to leave a creatively stifling kid's TV show is to get pregnant? Did Jamie Lynn Spears teach you nothing?
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Miley Cyrus to Host Massive Party: hecklerspray Trying to Get Guestlisted

by Ian Dransfield

You’d think we’d be bored of Miley Cyrus coverage by now. Well, we are. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it – especially not when she’s selling tickets to her super-mega-ultra sweet 16. Yes, she of Hannah Montana fame and the one that likes to get all (almost) nude for the sake of every [...]

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Miley Cyrus in Appearing Nearly Nude Non-Shocker. Again.

by Ian Dransfield

No. Just no. There’s a line, it was already crossed and now it’s being urinated on from the other side. This has to stop. Right now. One more time, for the road, Miley Cyrus has got half naked, someone has taken photos and one more time, for the road, they have been uploaded on to [...]

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Miley Cyrus Ditches Her Stupid Name

by Stuart Heritage

Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus as she’s known in real life, isn’t actually called Miley Cyrus – she was born with the name Destiny Hope Cyrus. But Miley Cyrus isn’t called that now, either.

Sorry, that was confusing. Look – Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana in the TV show Hanna Montana, has just changed her name from Destiny Hope Cyrus to Miley Ray Cyrus because her Dad is Billy Ray Cyrus and everyone called her Miley Cyrus anyway and she liked the ‘Ray’ part of her Dad’s name.

There, that’s cleared all the confusion up.

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