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Halle Berry

Halle Berry Probes Split (Not As Disgusting As It Sounds)

by Stuart Heritage

When Halle Berry broke up with Gabriel Aubrey, it’s fair to say that not a lot of people actually cared.

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Halle Berry Is Sexy; Also, Pope Possibly Catholic Now

by Stuart Heritage

That Halle Berry, eh? She’s a funny looking woman – we once saw a picture of Halle Berry in a magazine and we went right off our tea.

And yet, despite obviously looking like a sort of cross between the back end of a bus and a bulldog’s floppy genitals, Esquire magazine has decided to name Halle Berry as its Sexiest Woman Alive. Which is just weird because, you know, Halle Berry. Bleurgh. No, wait, we got mixed up – we were thinking of former EastEnders and Heartbeat star Nick Berry. He’s not actually very sexy at all. But Halle Berry is actually sort of pretty.

Anyway, we could be wrong, but in the accompanying interview it seems like Halle Berry equates sexiness with masturbating a lot. There’s hope for us yet!

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Halle Berry’s Baby’s Name Basically All Vowels

by Stuart Heritage

The world has been awaiting the name of Halle Berry’s newborn baby daughter for quite some time now.

As far as we’re aware, this is because the world has been waiting to replace ‘Stupid Berry Baby’ with a real name in its special Infants It’s OK To Dislike Because They’re Already More Beautiful Than You notebook.

But anyway, the wait is over. Halle Berry has finally decided to reveal that her baby will be known as Nahla Ariela Aubry, and we can assume that Halle Berry settled on Nahla Ariela Aubry either because it’s the name of an obscure mountain range from Lord Of The Rings or because it’s an anagram of Labara Urinal Yeah.

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Halle Berry’s Baby’s Aunt Quite Pleased That Baby Exists

by Stuart Heritage

Now that Halle Berry’s finally got round to giving birth to that baby of hers, there’s just one question that still needs to be answered.

Is it ‘what’s the gender of Halle Berry’s baby?’ because we know it’s a girl. It’s not ‘what’s the name of Halle Berry’s baby?’ either, because she hasn’t got round to telling anyone yet.

No – the big question pertaining to Halle Berry’s new baby is ‘but what does Halle Berry’s boyfriend’s sister make of the birth?’ And we’ve got the answer to that one after the jump. Alternatively you could just re-read the headline – there’s a clue in the title.

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Halle Berry Squeezes Out A Baby Girl

by Stuart Heritage

At the last count, Halle Berry has been pregnant for somewhere around the 16-year mark or so.

But even confusingly drawn-out celebrity pregnancies have to come to an end at some point, and yesterday Halle Berry gave birth to her first child – a baby girl that hasn’t even got a name yet.

Although the birth of her daughter is joyous news for Halle Berry and her immediate family, it’s even better news for her neighbours – now that she’s had her baby, Halle’s obscenely milk-engorged breasts will finally begin to subside, causing less day-to-day structural damage and stopping quite so many people from tripping over her gigantic pregnant nipples.

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