Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
On Friday’s Big Brother, the impossible happened – the previously invincible Freddie was evicted.
Why? We have two theories. The first is that Marcus is a stronger competitor and the public identifies with him more readily. The second is that everyone saw Freddie scream and wail and convulse last week because Bea moved 10 feet away from him and realised that he was a monumental tosspiece.
Anyway, here are the Big Brother competitors who’ve caught our eye this week – Bea, Lisa and David…
It’s been an interesting week in the Big Brother house so far, and that’s a sentence we haven’t used since about 2006.
For some sort of complex reason that we haven’t been able to fully grasp, the Big Brother housemates have been allowed to discuss nominations with each other. As well as revealing exactly how much each contestant wants to win Big Brother, it’s also ensured that the last few weeks of the show are going to be more jumpy and paranoid than Amy Winehouse in a haunted hall of mirrors.
It’s also meant that Halfwit and Marcus will be facing eviction from the Big Brother house tomorrow. It should be a close one, so let’s have a looky…
So on Friday, Lisa was the housemate officially least likely to win Big Brother, and all of Davina McCall’s links were rendered inaudible by mob chanting “Get Lisa out!”
So, naturally, Hira was evicted. Poor Hira, a victim of Big Brother‘s ‘vote to save’ policy last week. Still, we’ll remember you Hira. That was your name, right? Hira? We can’t really mentally place your face, but if you come up to us and tell us your name, there’s about a 50% likelihood that we’ll remember you.
Anyway, onto the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week – Dogface, Halfwit and Rodrigo…
Thanks to Kenneth rubberstamping his tossishness by legging it over a wall last week, there wasn’t a Big Brother eviction on Friday.
But there’s still one less Big Brother housemate than there was on Friday morning, and that’s all thanks to Tom. Tom – who you may recognise as the muscular posho who periodically thought he was Maxwell from Big Brother 2005 – also left the Big Brother house this weekend because – oh, actually, who cares? He was rubbish anyway.
Instead of profiling the housemates who’ve caught our eye this week, we’re actually going to look at some of the loose Big Brother couples today. Exciting…
We’re confused. Scared and confused. Scared and confused and incontinent. And it’s all Big Brother‘s fault. Sods.
Why? What did Big Brother do? It didn’t nominate Halfwit for eviction this week. Don’t these idiots understand how Big Brother works? Nothing ever happens and then Halfwit gets nominated for eviction. THAT’S HOW BIG BROTHER WORKS, IDIOTS!
But this week, oh no. The Big Brother housemates have realised that a bucket of plague couldn’t shift Halfwit from the house, which is why Shiavash, Dogface, Noirin and Karly are up for eviction instead. So let’s have a bloody look at them, then…
Hooray! Kris and his ridiculous floppy clown wig have been evicted from Big Brother! We never have to type the word ‘Krogface’ ever again! Hooray!
Let’s not dwell on Kris’ Big Brother eviction because, well, it was boring and he was boring and hopefully he’ll go away now. Instead, let’s focus on the good news – Big Brother is finally introducing some more housemates this week! Brilliant! A bunch of people who the Big Brother producers deemed to be even less interesting than the current lot are going into the least-interesting Big Brother house ever! Boy oh boy, this is going to be… oh, what’s the word? DULL!
Anyway, here are the Big Brother housemates who have caught our eye this week…
One of the problems of this year’s Big Brother is that only two housemates have ever been nominated for eviction at a time.
Which would be OK, except that the public’s inexplicable love affair with Halfwit means that he’ll never get evicted. The evictions are a foregone conclusion right from the get-go. But things are different this week, oh things are different alright. Halfwit’s up for eviction, as ever, but so is Kris, Dogface, Charlie and Marcus. Big Brother is exciting again!
Well, maybe not ‘exciting’ per se, but, um, you know… oh, let’s just look at their chances of getting evicted, OK?
Another week, another set of Big Brother eviction nominations. Ho hum.
Incidentally, does anyone else think that we’re due some fresh blood in the Big Brother house? We’re 29 days into the show already, and the most exciting thing to have happened was when Noirin drew on her own face. This is easily the dullest Big Brother on record, and the best way to liven it up would be to introduce a new housemate. Or a flesh-eating virus. Actually, let’s go with the virus.
Tomorrow will see the Big Brother eviction of either Sree or Halfwit. Let’s take a closer look…
On Thursday night the Big Brother housemates voted for nominations live in an attempt to boost ratings.
And it certainly worked because we, um, forgot to watch that particular episode of Big Brother. With dedicated fans like us, no wonder the show’s going from strength to strength. But anyway, it turns out that the Big Brother housemates nominated for eviction tonight are Angel and Halfwit.
One of them has to go – and it doesn’t take a genius to work out which one it’ll be – but for the sake of tradition let’s get down to it and assess their chances of Big Brother survival anyway…
Wow, Big Brother‘s fascinating this year, isn’t it? Oh, don’t nod and pretend you’re watching it this year – nobody else is.
So for everyone who’s studiously avoiding the show, here’s what’s happened on Big Brother so far: Krogface (yes, we’re sticking with the Krogface thing even if nobody else is) might have had sex. The Russian one stopped eating for a little while. And, oh, what was that other thing? Oh yes, that’s it – nothing else happened at all.
This week, Big Brother will evict either Halfwit or Cairon. Who goes? Nobody cares. But let’s take a look anyway…
