halftime show - HecklerSpray

Madonna Promises That There’ll Be No Wardrobe Malfunctions At Super Bowl (Thank God)

February 3rd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident.

Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being shown at the Super Bowl halftime show this year, mainly because no-one in their right mind wants to see Madonna’s rock-hard gym-sculpted banger on view, all sinew and veins.

And mercifully, she’s promised that this won’t be happening.

Super Bowl 2012: Top 10 Super Bowl Moments

August 7th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Ah the Super Bowl, the pinnacle of sporting exuberance and over celebration. And as it’s Super Bowl (or Superb Owl if you prefer), we’ll be running a series of specials to whet your whistles. In the words of Stanley Ralph Ross, so immortalised by Jim McKay ?The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat?.?

The unfortunate truth about the Super Bowl is that a large proportion of them have been crap, crap, one-sided affairs that were not so much the ultimate gladiatorial fight that is often portrayed, but more like that bit in Raiders of the Lost Arc where Indiana just shoots the sword wielding guy.

Anyways, regardless of the final outcome there have been some very good individual moments from the Super Bowl, here?s the best top 10 Super Bowl moments your stupid eyes will ever see.

Madonna To Show Super Bowl What Manly Muscles Really Look Like

December 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Super Bowl halftime show is a very, very prestigious gig. Some of music’s biggest stars have done a turn there. Prince. Paul McCartney. Bruce Springsteen. Er… Black Eyed Peas. In defence of the latter, they were awful and suicide rates went up six-hundredfold when they played.

Wait. That’s no defence. Did someone say defence? DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE!

Anyway, to make amends for the urine crotched BEPs, the organisers of the greatest commercial break on television have decided to announce that Madonna will be doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show on Feb. 5 in Indianapolis. Let those football tossing guys really see what a masculine, ripped Body Of David really looks like, eh?

Black Eyed Peas Splitting Up After Completing Mission To Ruin Music Forever

November 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Have you noticed a trend in pop that sees artists sampling any old shit, rather than sourcing something that works right for a song? Eminem sampled Haddaway, Derulo used ‘Day-Oh (The Banana Boat Song)’ and Cher Lloyd unironically sang the tune from ‘Oh My Darling, Clementine’.

Who is to blame for this? The Black Eyed Peas, that’s who. Have you heard their use of ‘The Time Of My Life’? Crow-barred, lowest common denominating nonsense to provide modernity to familiarity, thereby, maximising sales and opportunities to get played at weddings and bar mitzvahs.

And now, having fully completed Operation Spoil Music For Everyone, they’re able to take a nice long break, knowing that their work is done. Seriously. They’re totally splitting up.

The Black Eyed Peas Plan To Disown One Of Their Awful Songs

July 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Bands and gimmicks – who?d have thought that some artists use them as a fall back when we realise that the music they release is gash? Fake London type Pete Doherty has a hilarious heroin routine which sees him in constant bother with the local law enforcement. Elsewhere, X-Factor winner Leona Lewis continues in her quest to make a tin of paint seem more exciting than her personality.

So one band we can never work is American chumps The Black Eyed Peas. Fronted by a man whose mother has a terrible understanding of grammar, will.i.am and joined by Fergie, a woman who isn't shy of urinating herself on-stage for either her own sick pleasure, or fans of golden showers. Grammar and whizzing your pants. Some gimmick!

Anogther trick used by the band is to employ the thinking that using choruses from other people?s songs and releasing them for thick people to buy. However, one of their songs will never be played again. You see, ‘My Humps’ has gotten into all-sorts of complicated legal mishaps.

Black Eyed Peas To Make Awful, Awful Video Game

June 27th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If the Black Eyed Peas brand of dreadful music wasn’t bad enough, they’re going to infect your games console by making a game for you to get furious with, leaving you kicking your controllers out of the window and throttling yourself with the plug flex.

That’s right! will.i.am, Fergie and the other two who don’t seem to do much will be prancing around in a game… but what will it be like?

Well, rumour has it that it’ll be one of those dreary things where you dance and singalonga to the monstrous hits they’ve made. However, if the developers are reading this, they should hear our ideas first because they’re miles better and guaranteed to make they game sell roughly a million less copies.

The Super Bowl Comes And Goes And The World Is Briefly United By A Hatred Of Black Eyed Peas

February 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Super Bowl is one of the most baffling and brilliant events in the calendar. Three hour long national anthems, jets flying overhead, pomp and more pomp, fireworks, halftime shows and roughly 7300 commercial breaks all herald the final of one of the slowest sports on Earth.

Effectively, American Football is crown-green bowling as played by robots and extras from The Salute Of The Jugger.

It was, of course, just the tonic we all needed. A game many of us don’t understand, yet, filled with enough pizazz to distract us from all the horrible things going on in the world (although, that said, the constant referring to war veterans, fighter jets, patriots and talk of exploding rockets in the Star Spangled Banner didn’t help). Last night saw the whole world united and speaking with one voice. It was a beautiful moment that brought many close to tears. As one, the world stood together and said in a single voice… “Fuck. The Black Eyed Peas are awful aren’t they?”

The Black Eyed Peas To Play Superbowl, Not That Anyone Cares Outside Of America

November 26th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

The Superbowl is one of the most peculiar spectacles on Earth. For a start, the whole world reports on it despite not even having the vaguest idea what is going on. Of course, the basic elements of American Football are incredibly easy to dissect. Get ball – score touchdown – wear helmet.

However, elsewhere, it’s utterly mystifying. Man shouts a series of numbers like he’s gone mad watching Lost, then, swings it under his gusset like bull’s bollocks, before handing it to someone who launches it toward a man who gets jumped on, leaving the commentators to say 96th, 3rd and down or something. Then they repeat the process and go to an ad-break.

The Superbowl of course, has the longest half-time break ever (it lasts for approximately 42 hours) and has bands on while the fans run on the pitch. For a bit. And this year, the entertainment will be in the shape of The Black Eyed Peas.