Haiti - HecklerSpray

Wyclef Jean Goes To Hospital Because He’s Tired After All That Caring For Haiti

September 28th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Wyclef Jean, a man who will forever be remembered as he who nearly ruined a perfectly good song by repeatedly saying “One Time” and worsened a perfectly crap song by repeatedly shouting “Shakira! Shakira!”, is very tired and sleepy.

Yessir, Wyclef is so sleepy that he’s been taken to hospital where people with real illnesses press up against the window with their prolapses hanging out wondering why that famous man is in a bed designed for sick people.

The official line is that he’s been admitted to hospital suffering from stress and exhaustion. The poor wickle lamb.

Wyclef Jean Heads Into Haitian Hiding. He Probably Hates It.

August 19th, 2010 By Shawn Lindseth

The good thing about being president of Haiti is that you get to live in the presidential palace. The bad thing about being president of Haiti is that even before the earthquake, said palace was made mostly of dried mud & honey comb. That’s a bad combination if you’re the sort of person who gets allergies.

Another bad thing about being president of Haiti is that when you announce you’re throwing your hat in the candidacy ring, sometimes you get threats of one sort or another – and you have to go into hiding. That’s what’s happening to Wyclef Jean right now. He’s volunteering to bring the country out of the stone age, and if recent news can be believed, some of the statesman who’ve been around are none too pleased.

Sean Penn Gives Wyclef Jean a Verbal Slapping

August 6th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

When Wyclef Jean announced that he was running for president of Haiti, everyone laughed. Surely he wasn’t being serious! What next? Pras Michel trying to be mayor of Trumpton? But he was. Very serious. Y’see, he really cares maaaan.

Yes indeed, the rapper and former Fugees one-timer made his first televised announcement of his bid for Haitian president last night on CNN.

And now, Sean Penn (what’s he got to do with it?! Read on, you’ll see) is wading in questioning his motives as a leader of a country on its knees.

Wyclef Jean Really, Really Wants To Be Haiti’s President

August 4th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Haiti has suffered a horrific amount of misfortune recently. January saw a catastrophic earthquake.

Port-au-Prince still hasn’t recovered. Almost all of the rubble remains where it fell, entombing the thousands of bodies still trapped underneath it. The refugee camps set up to house the 1.6 million who lost their homes in the quake still have no electricity or running water. Scandalously, only a tiny fraction of the international aid raised in the wake of the earthquake has been released. Now more than ever, Haiti needs a hero.

And while it waits for one, Wyclef Jean – the bloke from The Fugees who most recently sang a song about how lovely Shakira‘s boobies are – will have to do. He’s decided to run for president. No, really.

Haiti: Pat Robertson Proves Why He’s Still The Dickhead’s Dickhead

January 14th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

It’s almost impossible to fathom the amount of suffering that this week’s Haitian earthquake has caused.

Tens of thousands dead. A death toll that could reach 100,000. Three million in need of emergency aid. It’s heartbreaking. But, hey, at least right-thinking televangelist Pat Robertson knows why the earthquake happened. It wasn’t because of a sudden displacement of rock along a fault 10km below Haiti like you think, though – it was because the Haitians had it coming.

No, really. Pat Robertson used a television show to explain that, once upon a time, the people of Haiti signed a pact with the devil to free them of their French oppressors, and the earthquake is just the devil getting his own back. So that’s settled. Hey, maybe we can blame the devil for Pat Robertson being such a thoughtless, mean-spirited, snake oil-selling bastard, too. It’d certainly be convenient.